The Girl He Could Be - Part 8

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When he had sat down to do his makeup, he noticed that sitting no longer made him uncomfortable. Almost every move he made for the past two days reminded him that his balls were pushed up inside him, but he suddenly noticed they no longer hurt when he sat. 

He assumed that they had finally found a position to settle into that didn’t bother him. Tim was relieved. "I want you to wear these tonight." Nancy handed him a pair of gold loop earrings, a delicate gold necklace, and a matching bracelet.

Tim was a little nervous about wearing them. "Are you sure, Nancy? They look expensive."

He was worried about losing them.

"Don’t be silly. They’re not as expensive as they look. I just wish I could loan you a few rings to wear, but I only have the one. Patty’s fingers are too small; hers definitely won’t fit you." 

"Maybe we could stop somewhere on the way to the beach tomorrow, and you and Patty could help me pick out a few things." He would rather not borrow theirs for fear of losing them. It couldn’t cost that much for costume jewelry.

"We need to stop and get you another bathing suit anyway. I’m sure we can find you a few things you’ll like." Patty was thrilled that he wanted to go shopping with them. "What do I need another suit for? Can’t I wear this one tomorrow?" He frequently wore his bathing suits more than once.

"Tina, you don’t wear the same suit two days in a row. Especially when you’re going to see some of the same people you saw today. That just isn’t done. No self-respecting girl would dream of it."

He felt a little foolish when Nancy was done chastising him. He should have known better; after all, he did have a sister.

"You’re right, Nancy. I wasn’t thinking." Tim had about a hundred and eighty dollars left. That should be plenty.

He took one last look in the mirror before they left. He still wasn’t used to the new him, or rather, her. She was pretty, and he liked her. He inhaled and enjoyed the fragrance of the ‘White Shoulders’ that Patty had let him wear. Tim was not so constantly aware of his breasts anymore. He didn’t take them for granted though, not by a long shot.

What if he hadn’t met up with them? He would never have gotten to experience all this. Meeting the other girls and being accepted by them had been great. It was fun getting to know Brad too. He was obviously infatuated with Tina, and Tim was gaining confidence with each new experience. Tina was no longer totally scared to death all the time. The boys greeted them at the door when they returned. Nancy and Patty, by instinct, headed for the kitchen to help Jeff’s mother with dinner. Tim also went along. Nancy had whispered, "It’s kind of what’s expected."

Brad thought she looked terrific. He couldn’t tell her that, of course. First, because there were too many people around, and second, he didn’t have the nerve. Mr. Brown was outside, cooking the chicken. The girls all helped Mrs. Brown get dinner ready. The boys were playing pool. Tim met Mr. Brown when he went out to set the picnic table. "Hello, Tina. My wife told me all about you when I got home. She couldn’t stop talking about you."

"Your wife is a very sweet lady, Mr. Brown." Tim really liked her. "I want you to know that you’re welcome here anytime, Tina. I’m very glad our Nancy found you." Carol was right. Tina was everything she said she was. It wasn’t right that this innocent girl should be living all alone. He wondered what was wrong with her parents that they’d let their daughter wander so far from home, alone.

Tim was flattered that he was so nice to him. It isn’t every day that people open their home to a perfect stranger.

Back in the kitchen, he helped the girls finish dishing everything out. They didn’t call the boys until everything was on the table and ready.

Tim had always played the other role and thought nothing of it. Now it seemed unfair that the women did all the work and the men just sat and enjoyed the fruits of their labor. Brad squeezed in next to Tim. He was very attentive as they ate. His interest escaped no one at the table.

When they were all finished, the women cleared the table while the men sat around the pool talking. "Tina, would you carry out the tray with the coffee while I get the cups for the men?" He was beginning to get his first real taste of one aspect of what it was like to be a girl. After they made sure that each of the men and boys had their coffee, just the way they wanted it, they went back inside to finish cleaning up from dinner. Mrs. Brown put the leftovers away with Tim’s help. Nancy washed the dishes while Patty dried. Tim helped Patty dry and put the dishes away. It wasn’t until everything was cleaned up, the counters washed, and the stove cleaned that the girls and Mrs. Brown could relax. The whole time, the men lounged just outside the kitchen window, talking and having a good time. Mrs. Brown served the girls tea, and they sat around the kitchen table talking. The topics ranged from cooking and keeping house to sewing. Carol dearly wished she had a daughter she could teach to sew. It was one of her hobbies, and she would love to sew for someone who would appreciate her efforts. Her boys certainly didn’t.

Most of the conversation was very different for Tim, and in the beginning he had to pretend to be interested. Mrs. Brown was a very outgoing woman with an interesting sense of humor. He soon found himself getting involved in the conversation and laughing right along with the others. The men came in when it started to get dark and the mosquitoes came out. The guys had gone and rented tapes while the girls had gone to Patty’s to change. Mr. and Mrs. Brown did not join them in the den as they settled down to watch the movies. They didn’t make a habit of intruding. Mr. Brown settled into his favorite chair in the living room, and she curled up on the couch.

Jeff put in a tape and went and sat next to Nancy on the couch. Patty and Bob were already curled up in the big overstuffed chair. Tim had taken off his shoes and sat on the other end of the couch with his legs tucked up under him. He had often seen his sister sit that way, so he thought he’d try it. He had picked the spot carefully. If Brad tried to sit next to him, he would be almost on top of Jeff. It had been fun getting to know him, but that should be as far as it goes. Brad felt a little left out. He had hoped to be able to sit next to Tina on the couch, but there was no room. The other chair was taken, so there was no place for him to sit. 

The only thing left was the floor, so he took a big cushion and spread it out in front of the couch to watch the movie. 

Tim liked the movie they had picked; it was ‘Die Hard II,’ but it was hard for him to keep his mind on it. Brad looked so dejected down there on the floor alone. So what could happen if he lay down there too? He was sure that was what Jeff and Bob expected Tina to do. He was sure that Nancy and Patty would like to see him do it too.

"Is there enough room down there for me, too?" Tim asked Brad quietly. She surprised him. "Of course, come on." Brad pushed the throw pillow off to the side for her.

Tim took it and lay on his stomach; with the pillow pushed up under his chest, he rested his chin in his hands. "Thanks, Brad." He was a little nervous, lying so close to him, but Tim soon became engrossed in the movie and forgot about Brad.

Brad lay inches away, on his stomach. "My pleasure." It was. He liked this a lot better. Her perfume drifted across to him. She smelled great. It took a lot of self-control not to stare at her. He knew even the furtive glances he occasionally threw her were probably obvious to everyone else. He just hoped she didn’t catch him.

By the middle of the movie, they were so stiff they could hardly stand. Tim sat back against the edge of the couch, and Brad got up after asking, "Tina, would you like something to drink?" Tim had seen iced tea in the fridge. "A glass of iced tea would be nice." It was nice having someone go and get it for him.

Brad didn’t get away so easily. "Nancy and I would sure like a glass too, Brad." Jeff figured he might as well take advantage of the fact that he was going for drinks. Bob looked at Patty. "Would you like me to get you a drink, sweetheart?"

Patty loved the way the big guy took care of her. "Sure, baby, thanks." Jeff stopped the movie until they got back. Brad sat right next to Tina after he handed out the drinks. His right arm, behind her, rested on the cushion. He didn’t have the nerve to put it on her shoulder.

Tim knew it was back there, but there was nothing he could do about it. He found it difficult to concentrate on the rest of the movie. He knew any second Brad’s hand might touch his shoulder.

Patty and Nancy were watching, and the knowing glances between the two said they hoped Brad would get up the nerve.

Brad finally said, What the hell?" All she can say is, Remove it. Tim took a deep breath as he felt Brad’s hand on him. Now what should he do? His first thought was to tell him to get it off his shoulder. 

As he thought more about it, it was almost funny. What harm could it do? Tim released his breath slowly and relaxed. She didn’t look at him or say anything. What was she thinking? 

He thought about moving over closer to her. He was only about three inches away. No, don’t push it, Brad decided. He had waited until the movie was almost over. It had taken him a long time to get up his nerve. Nancy was glad that Tim hadn’t said anything. 

It was interesting; Tina neither encouraged him nor discouraged him. Did he like having Brad’s arm around him? They were going to have to have a talk later, the three of them.

It was late, about ten forty-five, and it was time they got going. "What about it, girls? Ready to get going?" Patty and Bob got up. Brad got up and offered Tina his hand. Tim looked at it, then at Brad. Tim took his hand. Brad lifted him from the floor easily. 

"Thanks." Brad didn’t release his hand immediately; he hung on, and their eyes met for only a second. Tim turned away first; he could feel his cheeks getting warm; he knew he was blushing. Nancy and Jeff were up now too, and they all headed for the front door. Carol had been dozing on the couch. She woke up when the kids came into the room. 

The clock said she had slept for almost two hours. It was time for the girls to go home. Nancy and her friends were pretty good about not staying out too late. She got up and hugged each of them as she said, "Good night."

The guys followed them outside. Nancy and Patty got their goodnight kisses as they got into Patty’s car. Tim was afraid Brad would try it too.

As much courage as it took him to put his arm on her shoulder, it would probably take him a month to get up the nerve to steal a kiss. "I really enjoyed meeting you, Tina. Maybe we could get together and do something sometime." That didn’t come out the way he wanted it to. He sounded like a wimp.

Tim realized that Brad was even more afraid than he was. That was neat. Tim got in the back seat. Brad had opened the door for him, and that was neat too. "Maybe, Brad. I had fun tonight. Good night." ‘Maybe Brad’ really meant no way to Tim.

Patty backed out of the driveway and drove off.

Brad stood watching the car go down the street.

"You look like you’re in love, Cousin." Jeff watched him moon after her.

"Are you kidding? She probably doesn’t even like me." Brad hoped he was wrong. "You two talk for hours, she plays pool with you, she lets you put your arm around her, and when you suggest a date, she doesn’t say no; she says, ‘Maybe, Brad, I had fun.’" "And did you see her big brown eyes staring up at you?" Even Bob had seen that.

Brad thought about it, and his disposition brightened. "Maybe you’re right."

As they walked to Patty’s front door, Nancy said to Tim. "We have to have a little talk."

In the bedroom, Tim asked innocently, "What’s wrong?"

"I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to see Brad again." Patty was a little worried. Tim smiled. "Do you mean that thing about my saying ‘maybe’ to his suggestion that we do ‘something, sometime’?"

He really didn’t understand. "Tina, Brad took that to be a 'yes. You got his hopes up. A girl doesn’t say maybe if she means no."

"It’s just that he was a really nice guy, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Do you really think that he took that to mean yes?" That was not what he meant to do. Nancy responded with a big, "Absolutely."

Patty suddenly looked very serious. "Tina, did you enjoy all the attention he paid to you?"

Tim wasn’t sure how to answer; he hesitated.

"Be honest." Nancy looked as serious as Patty.

He answered slowly and truthfully. He really did trust these two. "In a way, yes. But I was scared to death most of the time."

Patty and Nancy looked at each other. Patty, very concerned, said, "Don’t you think most girls are when they first meet a good-looking guy? Tina, we could have sworn you were a real girl on a first date, the way you acted with Brad."

Nancy asked him, "Remember Sunday afternoon in the mall, when Pam asked you, not too nicely, if you liked boys?"

He didn’t like the way the discussion was going. "Yes."

"You told her emphatically, ‘NO!’. Did you mean that?" Nancy was a little worried too. It didn’t take him a second to answer. "I meant it, and I still do. It’s just that tonight, I did enjoy his company. It was nice to be treated special by someone, and I tried to act as natural as I could. I thought I did and said all the right things."

They felt only a little relieved. Patty sat next to him on the bed. "You did. The problem is that you did it too well."

"If you want to continue to enjoy Brad’s attention, that’s fine, but you’ll have to expect his feelings for you to intensify. He won’t be satisfied with just putting his arm around your shoulders. He’ll expect more from you—a kiss, a hug, and so on. If you allow him to go on, eventually he’ll want things you can’t give him." Patty didn’t know any other way to say it. Tim slowly absorbed everything they said. 

"As scared as I was tonight, I did enjoy how it felt. It isn’t that I’ve suddenly turned gay; I haven’t. It’s just that I wanted to feel everything that you take for granted. I found tonight that I really enjoyed feeling like and being treated like a girl. 

Helping with dinner and the fun we had with Mrs. Brown around the table afterward. I felt like I belonged."

"We noticed it was nice to see you so relaxed and happy." "I don’t want to lead Brad or anyone on. I just want to learn all I can and to experience as much as I can. I know I have limitations."

"Ok," Nancy felt relieved. "I think we understand now." She looked at Patty. "We have a lot to teach her."

Patty agreed. "Tina, we’ll do the best we can, but you have to listen when we say to stop. Watch us for the signals when we’re around the guys. We won’t be able to say anything, but you’ll be able to tell by the looks we give you."

They got ready for bed. As they lay in the dark talking, they heard Pam and Sue come in and go to their room. Nancy wondered if they should warn Tim about them, if they should tell Tim the terrible secret they were keeping from him. The thought nagged her as she fell asleep. Patty had similar thoughts she couldn’t share with Nancy. The risk was too great if they told him everything now. Being blackballed from the group would change their lives completely. 

They weren’t ready to give up all that they had achieved, to become nobodies. Wednesday was another perfect day. 

Temperatures were in the low eighties, and the morning sky was deep blue and cloudless.

They got up and out early.

Pam and Nancy picked out suits and brought them to the dressing room. He figured he had tried on at least fifteen, all two-piece, before they helped him settle on two. When Tim had suggested a one-piece, Pam said, "Absolutely not."

Pam picked out some of the skimpiest suits in the store, but unfortunately, they didn’t look right on him. His chest needed to fill out more, to become more fleshy. The ones Nancy picked almost all had slightly padded tops, and they looked fine on him. 

Pam was disappointed. Nancy wasn’t. ‘Tina’ looked great in the white suit with its little scooped bikini bottom and strapless top. The other suit wouldn’t have been her choice for him, but Pam had insisted. The top of the turquoise suit barely covered him, and the bottom, a string bikini, was too skimpy for her taste. 

Pam convinced him to buy it, telling him how terrific it looked on him. Sue found him sandals and a brightly colored sarong-like wrap. He couldn’t wear sneakers to the beach.

Patty was a few stores away, picking out jewelry for him. She did quite well; they had a sale going on, and she was able to find several rings, four pairs of earrings, two necklaces, and two bracelets for only two hundred and twenty dollars. Patty used her dad’s charge card that he had left her with while they were away.

 It was meant to be used only for emergencies, but she knew she would get the money from ‘Tina’ and give it to him when he got back on Sunday. He wouldn’t mind, as long as he was paid back right away.

When Tim saw the sandals and sarong and saw that the prices were reasonable, he didn’t argue. He was worried that he’d have enough left to buy the jewelry that he knew Patty was picking out for him.

Patty didn’t concern herself over petty details like money when she joined the others. "I’ll show you when we get to the beach." Tim was anxious to see what she had bought. He was surprised that she had charged it.

He wore the turquoise suit and sarong out of the store, and they walked to the beach. It was only across the street, behind the Holiday Inn.

Tim felt very self-conscious walking out on the beach among all these people. Men and boys stared at them as they passed the guys spread out on their towels, girl-watching. Tim was beginning to believe what Sue had told him about girls dressing for other girls. 

They looked, too, as the group walked between towels on the sand. The sarong made him stand out; none of the others had one. Tim was actually thankful for it; the bikini bottom of his suit was a little too revealing, and it rode up in his crack as he walked.

The beach was already pretty crowded, but they found a large enough spot to spread their towels. They always went to the same spot, right in front of the motel. All their friends went there.

Patty had loaned Tim a beach bag, and he took his towel out and laid it next to Patty’s. He lay down quickly after he took off the sarong.

Patty pulled out the jewelry she had bought for him. All three of the delicate gold rings fit, and he really liked them. He especially liked the earrings. Two of the necklaces and one of the bracelets he put on. 

Beach or no beach, he wanted to wear them. Pam and Sue were enjoying watching him. He was obviously nervous and self-conscious. They watched him constantly tug at the back of his suit. It rode up no matter how he moved, and his little ass hung out nicely.

"He seems to be getting used to playing the role. He actually seems to enjoy it." Sue observed.

"I know," said Pam. "From what the others said about last night, he’s learning fast." She looked pleased. "Do you know what’s really neat?"

Sue didn’t know what she was getting at. "No, what?"

"He’s beginning to really fit in. I almost don’t think of him as a boy. Patty and Nancy have really gotten into it with him. Have you watched the way he acts? If he keeps this up for two weeks, he’s going to be a much better girl than he ever was a boy." Sue had been thinking, "I’ve been trying to think of new ways to feminize him. Other than having him hang around girls all the time and include him in our intimate conversations, what can we do?"

"There are a couple of things I’ve been thinking about. One is, I want to get him involved with guys." Pam was serious. "Short of having sex, he can do anything we can." "Do you think he’d go along?"

"From what Nancy said about the way he was with that kid last night, I think he just might.

The problem is we have to find him someone more forward than Jeff’s shy little cousin."

Sue smiled; she liked Pam’s idea. "That shouldn’t be so hard."

"The other thing I was thinking of was modeling."

"Modeling!? Tina!? He doesn’t have the poise or the grace for that." "I know he doesn’t have it yet, but" Here’s where she revealed her plan. "Remember the modeling promotion in the paper last week?"

Sue’s eyebrow went up. "Sure, I remember."

"Well, didn’t it say that they’d take girls and give them a crash course in charm and poise? In return, some of the girls would model fashions for them at that big fashion show at the convention center in Tampa next week." Pam liked it even more as she thought about it. 

The things they would teach him would certainly help to feminize him, and there would be a hundred girls there, all trying to outdo each other. It would kill two birds with one stone. "I like it. I think Tina will go for it."

"We’ll see to it that she does." Pam got up. "Want to take a walk, Sue?" The others could hear her now.

"Sure." Sue had no idea where they were going. She got up, and the two of them walked in the direction of the motel.

When they were out of earshot, Pam told Sue, "We need to make a few arrangements. I thought of someone to call. He’ll be perfect for ‘Tina.’"

"You ought to untie your top as long as you’re going to lie on your stomach, Tina. You don’t want to get tan lines."

He’d rather have tan lines than run the risk of exposing himself in public. "That’s ok." "Come on, Tina," Patty said with her big smile. "There’s nothing to be afraid of. Nobody will be able to see anything." She undid his straps and let them fall at his side. "Just don’t try to jump up and go running off."

They had been having a good time talking. The girls had continued his crash course and were discussing teenage girls’ outlook on lots of different things. They had just about exhausted the topic. "From now on, we’ll have to help you learn as circumstances arise." They were reading magazines when Janet, Arlene, and two girls he didn’t know arrived. They moved around a little and made room for them. Things were a little cramped, but they managed. Tina was introduced to the two new girls, Sandy and Kim. Apparently Janet or Arlene had told them about Tina and her experience in Atlanta. They wanted to hear all about it. When they were satisfied they knew everything there was to know and had seen Tina become so emotional over it, Sandy decided she should share her most intimate moment with a boy. The baton was passed from one girl to the other, including Nancy and Patty. They shared both experience and emotion; they laughed and cried.

Tim enjoyed it. Guys were never this open about their feelings with one another. Pam and Sue had been gone for a long time. When they got back, they were asked to share an experience of theirs; Sue did, but Pam declined. "I don’t think I’ve ever had an embarrassing moment with a guy." She wasn’t about to share something like that in front of just anyone, least of all a boy. She had a reputation to uphold.

Sandy jumped up and said, "Come on, let’s go for a walk."

Janet was ready; she got up.

Tim would just as soon stay where he was.

"Come on, Tina." Sandy had taken an instant liking to her. She was a refreshing change from the stuck-up types, like Pam and Sue.

Patty and Nancy were ready. They’d been lying in the sun long enough. Tim decided he’d go when he saw them get up. He hurried to tie his top on. He looked at Patty with his hand on his wrap. She shook her head, no. He didn’t like the idea of walking down the beach the way he was dressed, but it looked like he had to. "We’re going to just lie here and get some sun." Arlene answered for both her and Kim. "We just got back from a walk. We’ll wait here too." Pam and Sue wanted to lay out and look sexy for the older guys that were around them.

They walked to the surf but only went in up to their knees. None of them wanted to get their suits or hair wet. Even Tim had spent too much time on his hair to ruin it. The big banana clip held most of his hair back, away from his face. The five of them headed down the beach. 

Tim felt very conspicuous walking along with them. He wasn’t used to the idea, even after all he’d been through, that people didn’t instantly recognize him for what he was. "Ignore the guys that yell out comments at us, and don’t stare back at any of the guys you see. 

If someone looks at you and catches you looking at him, look away. Guys think that if a girl looks back, then it’s an invitation to them to walk up and start talking." Tim remembered Nancy’s advice as they walked along. Sandy walked next to Tim. She was asking him about what it was like to live in Atlanta. It was a pleasant, friendly conversation.

Sandy wanted to get to know Tina better. She thought she might be someone who could be a good friend.