Tale #64: Stupid Cupid (Dumb Love Stinks)

Tale #64: Stupid Cupid (Dumb Love Stinks) (Content Tags: Slice-of-life, socially inept protagonist, humiliation, messy diapers, intentional diaper usage, light-hearted) Casper wasn't what one would call 'socially intelligent'. The boy was bright in other ways, but when it came to social interactions, he was quite the little dimwit. That's how he'd interpreted things so poorly, and how he'd come to such a bad conclusion in how to act. It'd started a few days ago. Casper knew Valentine's day was right around the corner, and he really wanted to impress Camilla, who was a girl in his class that he'd fallen hard for. She was pretty and popular, and he was just the geeky kid that talked way too much about cartoons. She was way out of his league; in fact, they may as well have been on completely different planets! It was obvious that he'd have some stiff competition for her affection on the fourteenth. So Casper needed an edge; he needed something that would set him apart from all the other boys who would be gunning for the same position. He really struggled with it. The obvious choice would be chocolates and a card, or maybe flowers, but would that really be good enough? That would be the same tired old stuff that everyone else would be giving her! No, he needed something special. He needed something memorable! Luckily for him, or at least he thought it to be fortunate, he overheard her talking with her fellow gal-pals about Valentines day: "I love Valentines! Especially Cupid; he's so cute!" The girl gushed. "Cute? He's just a flying baby that shoots people!" Her friend argued. "Yeah, but babies are really cute! Those chubby cheeks and big doofy diapers are adorable. Especially when they're all stinky and trying to ask to get their didee changed." Camilla had some experience babysitting, first with her baby brother, and now more recently she'd been getting jobs from neighbors. She was being honest about thinking babies were really cute, but Casper thought she was being more general with her gushing. To him, it sounded like there was only one thing to do: he'd need to dress up like Cupid for Valentine's day! What a big surprise for Camilla that'd be! The wings and bow were both easy enough to acquire after school. With the holiday so close, plenty of stores had little costume kits for kids, which meant some little wings and a cheap plastic bow with heart arrows. None of these kits had the third accoutrement that he needed to become Cupid. Casper needed diapers, or really just two of them, for his romantic gesture to be made truly realized. He would quickly realize that there wasn't really an option to just buy two though; he'd have to buy an actual package, which besides being a further investment, also meant that he'd need to figure out his sizing with more precision. If he wasted his money on ones that wouldn't fit, then he probably wouldn't have enough cash left to rectify his mistake. So he'd need some professional help here! It felt too embarrassing to ask his mom for help with getting measurements and figuring out a diaper size, so he decided to go straight to the source. "Hello! I needed help with getting the right size diaper!" The boy chirped, going up to the counter at the local pharmacy. The woman there nodded, "Well, hello there honey! Do you know how many months old the baby is?" Casper, socially stunted as he was, looked down at his fingers, as if he needed to do some mental math. "Umm...Let's see...A hundred and thirty-three months? ...And ten days?" She blinked, thinking first this was some kind of joke, but then realizing how earnest the boy appeared to be, the woman gave a soft chuckle. "Are these for *you*, sweetie?" Casper nodded, "Yup! I'm going to dress up as Cupid for Valentine's day! I already got everything else, so now I just need a diaper!" The employee came around the counter, "Alright, well let's get you measured then. I'm sure we can find you something that'd work for your little costume..." As promised, the boy got his measurements taken, primarily around his waist and inseam, and then the woman took him to go look at the diaper aisle to find something suitable for his costume. He was easily too big for baby diapers, and while he might fit one of the larger toddler diapers, it wouldn't be the kind of comfortable fit that he'd really want. That left the youth section, which went out of the realm of pottytraining and into the realm of incontinence. That meant a lack of fun prints, and in many cases, it'd be two tapes instead of one. The woman directed his attention to a part of the shelf, where it looked like he had a small handful of options to pick from. "So any of *these* should fit. The price tag isn't much different between them; the difference is just in absorbency, or capacity, which I don't think would matter much for your costume..." He jabbed his finger at the package in the middle, which contrary to what she'd just explained, was on the higher end for usage. "I'll take those." "You sure? They're going to be pretty thick..." Casper considered blurting out the reason for his decision; that he indeed intended to make use of one of the diapers for reasons outside of costume construction, but in a rare moment of reflection, decided that it probably wasn't something that the worker would want to hear about. "Yeah, that's okay! They need to look pretty big for the costume." That much was also true; if he was planning on impressing Camilla, then he'd have to go big! With plenty of thanks for her help, Casper took his box of diapers and left the store. He now had everything that he needed for his Valentine's surprise! The only thing left to do was to decorate his diapers with some holiday-appropriate pizazz, and of course learn how to put them on. One of those things was a lot easier than the other. He had access to a craft cabinet at home, so the decorating was as easy as sitting down and letting his creativity flow. Getting himself taped into one of the bulky diapers was comparatively a crucible that he was ill-prepared for. At his best, he could get one on lopsided. He just wasn't coordinated enough to manage the garment in an aesthetically pleasing way. That meant that he'd need some help, and the only person that came to mind was his older brother. Devon was several years ahead of him; the teen was in high school and had recently gotten his first car. Being sixteen, the teenager seldom had time to deal with the childish antics of his ten year old brother, especially since Casper managed to always be such an embarrassment to be around. It was more entertaining when they were both a little younger, to exploit Casper's gullibility and his social ineptitude, but Devon had gotten in trouble enough times for it to rather now just avoid the obnoxious brat. This case would be different though, since this would be something that Casper had cooked up all on his own! It'd taken all of Devon's willpower to not laugh outright when Casper had come to him. The teen hadn't first been sure of what he was even seeing, when Casper had been at his doorway holding a white rectangle. The little boy wasn't shy about sharing his little plan to get himself a girlfriend, and how all he needed was help getting dressed for the big day. Devon had a girlfriend, and she was hardly the first he'd had; while he wasn't some expert on women, he knew that his little brother must have made some massive mistake in hearing what this 'Camilla' found to be appealing. He almost considered explaining the difference between 'cute' and 'attractive' to the ignorant kid, but this just sounded like too humorous of an opportunity to pass up. What'd really sealed the deal had been when Casper had mentioned that the girl was an aspiring babysitter, and that these diapers he'd bought wouldn't just be for show. When pressed on the latter, Casper confidently repeated that his crush had said she found it cute when a boy had a smelly diaper that he needed changed. Devon found Casper's thought process to be truly stunning; this had just gotten a lot funnier. More selfishly, the part of her being a babysitter was something more useful to the older boy. Their parents would be going out for the evening on Valentine's day, and with that holiday already being a 'high-demand' day for babysitters, it'd fallen to Devon to watch over Casper. Devon would much prefer to take his own girlfriend out on a date that evening, so a little plan began to form in his head. He could hire Camilla, who would surely had low rates for her inexperience, and then Casper could humiliate himself for the evening, while Devon went out. Then Devon would just have to return before their parents did, and no one would have to be any the wiser! "Tell you what, squirt. I'll help you with your costume, and I'll even get you a date with your dream-girl. How's that sound?" Casper was ecstatic. Any other kid would have been suspicious of the sudden generosity, but not Casper! Devon even explained that he'd lure the girl here under the auspices of it being a babysitting job, but that Casper would then be able to surprise her. There was only one final issue for Casper to consider before the big day. Telling Devon about it got another barely suppressed snicker from the teen. Casper was afraid he wouldn't be able to 'perform' when the time came. To someone in Devon's grade, that would carry a much more lurid connotation, but here it referred to Casper's ability to drop a load in his pants. Not only for reasons of being bashful about toileting, but because Casper had never intentionally done something like that. Devon assured Casper that he'd figure something out for the boy and his 'performance anxiety'. That ended up coming in the form of a little something called 'magnesium citrate', which would have quick and powerful effects on the boy's bowels. The day finally came. Their parents went out, saying that they'd be back around eleven, and Devon got Casper taped up into one of the festive diapers that the boy had decorated. He handed Casper the concoction, which he'd mixed with some Sprite, and told him to go ahead and drink the mixture. Camilla was due to arrive very soon, and while Devon wanted to watch this all play out, he had a tight schedule to adhere for his own date. The conversation he'd had on the phone with the girl had painted quite a picture; Devon bad been intentionally vague on the age of the ward, but had mentioned he was still in diapers, and that he needed a firm hand. Technically no lies! And for twenty bucks to have her babysit until 9:30, it was a steal of a deal. The doorbell rung and Devon gave his little brother a ruffle of the hair. "Alright, Casper-Nova. I'm going to get going; I'll let your little girlfriend know that you'll be down in just a minute." The teen left, wondering just how poorly things would go for his baby brother tonight. He figured that at worst, Camilla would leave, and Casper would just have to survive a few hours on his own, which he honestly *should* be old enough to do. Either way, Devon had a date, and no longer felt obligated to stick around. As he said, he let the girl in and mentioned that his little brother would come down from his room soon. He went ahead and paid her for the evening and then went to get in his car. Upstairs, Casper was taking deep breaths and psyching himself up in the mirror above his dresser. He knew he looked silly, but this was what Camilla wanted, wasn't it? His belly was beginning to burn from the drink that Devon had made for him, and that meant he needed to go ahead and get a move-on with his plan. As he started to toddle down the steps of the stairs, he could hear that Camilla was talking on the phone with one of her friends. "...Yeah, it sucks to work on Valentine's day, but did you see the losers that tried to ask me on a date today? I'm better off on diaper duty, then eating crummy McDonalds with someone like Jeremy or Tyler." Casper beamed. All her other suitors had failed, which cleared the stage for a *real* man of romance! Finishing his trek down the stairs, he gave his wings one last adjustment, and clutched the second diaper that he'd decorated in his hand. "I'll call you back later, I think I hear the little guy moving around. We can text, I'm probably just going to put on some Mickey for him or something..." By the time she was pocketing her phone and turning around, Casper had made his way right behind the taller girl, and was giving his best smile. "H-hey Camilla! Happy Valentine's day!" This had been pretty much the last thing that the girl had expected to see tonight. It was her classmate, the socially awkward spaz, and he was standing in front of her with a big smile and a bigger diaper. Her jaw hung open and her eyes widened at the sight. "...Is that a *diaper*?" Was all she could muster to ask. "Y-yeah! I'm Cupid, see?" The boy flicked one of his wings. "And it's not just a diaper..." Lucky for him that the concoction had finally peaked in his gut. With a wet, bubbling explosion, a foul brown tide surged into the well-decorated garment. Casper blushed at the rather rude sound of his own splattering droppings, and quickly realized how little control the drink had left him over his bowels. "...It--ummm...It's a *stinky* diaper. Can I have changies?" Camilla laughed, still aghast at what she was watching, but too tickled by the absurdity of it to contain her mirth. "Oh my gosh... I thought you were immature, but I didn't think you were still just a big *baby*..." Casper chuckled nervously and held out the diaper, before wincing as another juicy sputtering blasted his padded seat and let slip more sludge. "W-well, babies are cute, right?" Camilla took the fresh diaper from him and looked at the colorful way that Casper had spruced it up. "Yes, you're very 'cute' Casper...And very smelly. Why don't you finish making stinkies and we'll get you changed, hm?" That sounded less like she was stunned by his romantic prowess and more like she was going to treat this like a sincere babysitting job. Casper frowned, had he made an error in his judgment here? He hadn't anymore time to think about it, as his belly cramped some more and he leaned forward to let more muck flood his oversized Huggies. The girl wrinkled her nose, "I hope your big brother pays extra; I wasn't expecting to be changing diapers on a baby this big...Maybe that way, I'll have enough money to ask Nathan out on a nice date." Nathan? That neanderthal jock?! Yup, Casper's judgment had failed him here. It'd failed him big time. Love was dumb (like Casper) and love sure stunk (also like Casper).