CC 10: Thesaurize ~ Thirty!

The duo of the Ritualist and the haughty Archer cautiously approached the outskirts of a small, brightly lit Elven Village. Joe had destroyed enough settlements that he could tell that this was of a higher quality by far. Even if his eyes hadn’t been so discerning, the clearly enchanted walls, vigilant guards, and half-dozen buildings of at least Uncommon quality that were peaking over the walls would’ve given it away.

It was obvious that this Village was well protected, but Joe could only hope that they were only guarding from the outside threat of monsters, and hadn’t yet set up any way to detect intruders from opposing alliances. Certainly he wasn’t going to bet his life on that, but that was why he’d brought Heartpiercer in the first place.

“Are you seeing anything I can use to get through? Something tells me hopping over the wall isn't going to be as easy here as it was in the last settlement I had to wreck.” Joe's agitation was clear by the way that he was spinning his ritual orbs above his hands nearly unconsciously, having practiced with them so much that finesse with three of the orbs didn’t require much attention.

Long moments of contemplation went by, as they circled the Village twice. Eventually, his companion shook her head and gave her verdict on the situation. “Joe, you're not getting in there without them knowing you’re going in. Wait, let me rephrase that, you might be able to get in, but you’ll most certainly never get out. The guards are active, rotating, and each is within eye and earshot of the next. I'm going to have to recommend we leave and come back with a full war party.”

“I was really hoping that you weren’t going to say that.” Joe pressed his hands together and took a deep breath. “Okay, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to walk right through the front gate, pretend to be a merchant, and get as much information as I can before they catch on.”

“Oh, so you've chosen death.” Heartpiercer snorted at him derisively. “Great plan. Should I go hang out by the shrine for the next couple of days while I wait for you to respawn?”

When his eyes lit up at that idea, the Archer shook her head and opened her mouth to talk him out of whatever inane plan he was concocting. Joe cut her off by waving both hands and motioning for them to retreat away from the Village. One of the Elves, likely a supervisor of the guards, had paused in his usual walk around the top of the walls. That was more than enough for the Ritualist to decide that it was time for them to go.

After they had retreated to what he hoped was a safe distance, they began making their way back to the shrine. “I think that I have enough favor with Tatum that I can request a boon that would be helpful here. Let's go and see what he has to offer me, and if it doesn't work out… I guess we can only hope that we can convince a couple thousand people to come and destroy this Village with us. The problem is, there's a good shot that no one living there survives, and then the whole mission plan is scrapped.”

“Yeah… I do agree that our short, hairy friends are… thorough.” Heartpiercer at least didn’t seem actively opposed to Joe's plan at this point, so they hurried back through the darkness of the frozen wasteland as quickly as they could.

When they were finally standing next to the altar, the Ritualist walked over and whispered his thoughts. “Hey, big guy! This is going to be a tough nut to crack, and getting in there and back out is going to require some finesse and subtlety that I don't naturally possess.”

Here he rubbed his hand over his bald head, which reflected any light that landed on it twice as brightly as it hit him. “Yea~ah. Anything that you can provide would be super helpful here.”

When he touched the shrine, a notification popped up immediately. Reading over it made Joe smile, and he cracked his neck in anticipation.

You have received a temporary Boon of Neutrality! The deity of neutrality, Occultatum, has bestowed upon you a shroud that will mask your presence, conceal your affiliations, and deceive skills and spells designed to discern truthful statements. This shroud will be effective on all skills and spells up to and including the Expert rank. Time remaining: 23:59:58.

“Now that's what I'm talking about. Thanks, Tatum!” He didn't receive a reply, but the boon was more than enough. After sharing the details of his temporary abilities with his companion, Joe walked back to the Village in a round-about manner, eventually approaching the front gate with newfound confidence. Before he came within clear eye shot of the guards, he pulled a large traveling pack out of his spatial codpiece, filling it with luxury goods and samples of the wares he had access to from Novusheim.

Then, he walked directly up to the gate, waving his hands and calling for attention. Thanks to his Darkvision ability, he was able to see exactly how many arrows and spells were being pointed at him, but as a standard human he shouldn’t have been able to pierce the veil of darkness. He tried not to react, as though he were as blind as the arrogant Elven Guard Captain would expect him to currently be.

“Who goes there, and more importantly… why?” The voice that reached his ears was as titillating and melodious as Joe expected, and his loss of the Dwarven Superiority title allowed him to fully appreciate it.

“Why… hello there.” Joe tried to act the part of an overly Charismatic merchant, sweeping into a bow as he pretended not to be able to see exactly who was speaking to him. “I am a humble merchant that’s been moving between settlements and bringing the finest luxury goods around so that everyone can enjoy a few moments of decadence each day. I was ever so pleased to see the lights of your fine town, as I have been wondering in the outer darkness for… let's just say, too long.”

“I suppose the next thing you are going to tell me is that you didn’t bring your own light source because you didn’t want to attract monsters?” The harsh tone of the questions had softened into merely exasperation, which Joe felt was a good step forward. “Merchants… fools, the lot of you. If there hadn't been a general decree to allow your kind to continue your work for the betterment of the Theocracy, I would strip you of all of your merchandise and have you completing penances for at least a month. Where are your guards?”

Joe let a smug smirk appear on his lips, “They are at home, not eating into my profit margins.”

“Twice a fool. Your Luck must be your highest stat.” A few shouted orders later, and the gate opened just enough to allow him entry. He stepped through, only to be met with the Elf he’d been speaking to, along with a small squadron of humans. “You will be chaperoned the entire time you are within our walls. If you decide to join our settlement, you will be given favorable rates for trades, though your taxes will increase by three and a half percent.”

“Your magnanimity shows no bounds! Please allow this humble merchant to offer you this small gift as thanks for your beneficence.” Joe reached into his pack and pulled out a small gift basket of soap, socks, mittens, and a matching hat.

As he handed over the small selection, he wistfully stared at the Hoardling-hair beanie, wishing that he could wear something to help his head to stay warm. He knew better than that, as his curse was still in effect. The effects of his curse of baldness had been made a part of him, and putting something like that on was just begging to have the hat and the top of his head catch on fire.

Yet it seemed that his stare was misinterpreted, and the gift was received with glee at his discomfort at giving it away. The Elf let out a ‘humph’ as she accepted the small bribe, though she took out the warm gear and put it on immediately. “It seems the old adage holds true even in this world. Parting a merchant and their profits still causes them physical pain. Before you go any further, Sence Truth. Are you who you say you are? Are you affiliated with the Elven Theocracy? Do you have any designs against our town or our people?”

“Yes, yes, and no in that order.” Joe responded immediately, confident that his deception wouldn’t be noticed. The Elf looked at him for a moment longer, nodded, and whisked away to return to her duties atop the wall. The Ritualist smiled at the humans who were looking at him with great curiosity, and clapped his hands together. “Going by the smell, I think everyone here will be overjoyed to know that I am selling soap! I can bring it in bulk, or I can sell for inflated prices to allow only the best among you to stand out with your sweet scents. Which would you prefer?”

The group looked at each other, then back to him with wide smiles. Joe already knew what their answer would be. In an incredibly competitive and contentious society such as the Elven Theocracy, any small advantage was worth its weight in… he panicked for a moment, as he realized he had no idea what he should be charging for his goods. Luckily, his internal panicking wasn’t picked up on, and one of his minders sidled up and threw an arm around Joe's shoulders. “I’d absolutely love to know what sort of exclusive deal you could offer me!”

“Offer us, Trevor. If you try to make a deal and cut us out, I’ll put you down right here and make sure you don't get a whiff of what he’s offering.” The tip of the speaker's staff was glowing, pointed directly at Trevor's head. Joe was deeply uncomfortable with this fact, especially when he was gently pushed to stand in front of the slightly-nervous chaperone.

“Plenty to go around!” Joe nervously chuckled as he tried to extract himself from Trevor's grip. “Is there anywhere I can set up shop?”

The tense silence from the group didn’t abate until Joe finally decided he had enough and started walking away from them. Then, to do their duty, the squad had to fall in around him to make sure he wasn't up to anything nefarious. Their attitude had suggested they’d be at each other's throat the entire time, but it was clear to see that this group had been working together for a long time with how easily their argument was put behind them.

“So… what's up with me needing babysitters?” He playfully questioned the people around him.

“Yeah, sorry-not-sorry about this.” Trevor spoke up, his eyes gleaming as he looked from Joe's face to the large pack on his back. “A few days back, we had some random respawns in our Village Hall. Apparently, someone snuck into a Hamlet and sabotaged their settlement during a Beast Wave. Everyone died, and we got saddled with nearly a quarter more people. If there weren't a couple of nearby Villages to send them to, we’d have people sleeping in the roads even now.”

“A couple nearby Villages?” Joe grit his teeth at that, hoping he wouldn’t need to replicate his subterfuge. Something told him this was going to be the easiest settlement to enter. “Where’d all of this happen? How worried should I be?”

The Mage that had threatened Trevor shook her head and muttered something under her breath, before looking over at him with a droll stare. “Yeah, it was a continent's distance away as far as we can tell. Couple thousand miles at least. But as soon as there’s one saboteur, the rest of us have to pay for it.”

“They were probably just looking for a reason to use that prison they built.” Trevor grumbled under his breath. Still it wasn't quite enough, and a few of the squad hissed in alarm and smacked the man on the back of the head almost simultaneously. “What—ah, abyss, please don't report me. I wasn't trying to disparage our life coaches.”

“Ah, don't worry about it.” Joe waved off the squad's concern easily, and each of them relaxed minutely. “Traveling around as much as I do, you learn to let things go. Just out of curiosity… where’d you say that prison had been built?”