CWD: OE ~ Twenty-Seven

Nacho helped Jennifer get her mobile brewery set up and started a fire, which was easy because the wood was dry and dead. He was deeply missing his own mobile kitchen, and he tossed a glare in Reuben's direction each time he thought about it. Being so far away from the government buildings and their bioluminescent light, the fires were necessary for both peace of mind and security, but unfortunately, all the flickering light might have been the reason the monsters came in full force.

Six huge Resent-o-potamuses came storming toward them, trying to exact revenge on the Breakfast Club. The bulky beasts were huge, without a doubt, and as ugly as a bad drawing of a water buffalo from a first-grade art class. Distended bellies swayed above furry, muscular legs, and a collection of mismatched horns jutted from their giant skulls. Unlike prototypical herbivores, these things had fangs and seemed ready to put them to use.

Too bad for them, they were only low-level Tier one creatures with around one hundred Health. With a damage threshold of only fifteen points, even Reuben could have enjoyed using them as punching bags until they collapsed and turned to goo.

Brie ran out front as Taye started sending ranged attacks that ripped through the creatures. Reuben stayed right next to his wife; in other words, he wasn’t afraid in the slightest. He punched one monster right in its big, mutated snout as it tried to gore him with a crooked horn, sending its face crunching into the dry river bank. The horn managed to scrape him on the way down, and the stink of the Ring of Cheese wafted over the camp. In the same instant, Brie and Abby glowed a light green, demonstrating Reuben’s new passive healing Skill.

Brie tossed Mr. Lacrosse Stick around like it was a three ounce twig, smashing the creatures like rotten tomatoes. Watching a mutant buffalo being tossed like pizza crust by her whirling attacks was actually rather entertaining. The minute the first one slumped to the ground, Nacho stepped forward and prepared to use his staple recipe of salted and peppered meat.

“This is just… wow. Wasn’t long ago that the Bove was considered a Calamity-class monster, and now I’m practically sneering at creatures around the same level of power. Welp. I’m not needed in combat, so I’m gonna start cooking. Brie, that okay with you?” He had learned his lesson, and he knew better than to ignore combat if other people were feeling pressured. He got a thumbs-up from the Berserker between kills. From fifteen feet away, the cook flipped his knives and slashed downward, watching as the meat parted smoothly and cleanly, Putrid Mana flowing out of the severed chunk.

Brie called over to him as she casually swung her stick like a golf club, sending the impacted creature a few feet into the air, “I’m going to be hungry once we take care of these things. Not from this fight, but just getting here. These things are as easy as the Extra Crispy Prisoners.”

Jennifer didn’t bother to fight at all, and Nacho realized that they’d need to talk to her about where to focus her attention during combat situations. Currently, she was setting up vials, tubes, and a complicated chemistry set of brewery implements. In no time flat, she had a whole mad scientist’s lair set up on a folding table. A massive metal cauldron swung above the fire, clearly one of her magic items.

“Steak ni~ight!” Nacho sang out happily. “Hope no one here is a vegetarian, or else I won't be able to help you!”

Taye lined up a shot with his Eagle Eye ability, sending out a piercing arrow that went straight through one Resent-o-potamus only to hit another. “Buy one, get one free!"

“You've been practicing,” Nacho noted approvingly as he sized up the meat that was waiting for him. He thought he’d only be able to process the meat off one of the beasts, but then he realized that Mana wasn’t a problem anymore. He was in Active Combat, but he bought a bottle of Jennifer’s Mana soda from the smiling Brewer and tipped it back. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it tasted like the very best of a typical highly processed, high fructose corn syrup infused, sugary drink.

Thirst: +25!

Mana: +95!

With a delighted grin, Nacho got back to processing the Putrid Mana out of the Resent-o-potamuses once all the beasts had been dispatched. Once the clean piles of meat were neatly stacked, he took off the Wok of Blocking, which was his chest plate, as well as the Skillet of Turtling, and filled both with… steak. He wasn’t sure if the meat was considered steak, but that was what he was calling it. Carting the meat to his cooking area, he used his Pauldrons of Frying to season the steaks—applying a generous helping of salt and pepper.

When the first of the steaks hit medium rare, he decided to be a good leader and try it before anyone else had to suffer through his cooking. He chewed the first bite, looked at the meat, and shrugged. “I like it, so I hope everyone else does too. Huh… it only got to Common rank, so that’s not a great sign.”

With the Resent-o-potamus meat sizzling away, Nacho took his Helm of Boiling and washed it out thoroughly using Store soap, remembering his promises to his friends to attend to the cleanliness of his tools. He whistled to himself as he used it to whip up some pancake batter, pausing intermittently to flip the steaks.

Jennifer sauntered over and laughed as she watched how careful he was being with every step. “Is it really so strange for you to have to wash your gear before you use it to cook? You were just sweating into it. This seriously it looks like you’re constipated with how hard you are staring at that helmet.”

“I wash things,” Nacho protested mildly as he swished batter around halfheartedly. “It’s clean… ish.”

“Nice.” Jennifer took her cauldron to the stream for a quick scrub and lugged it back over to the fire. “Using tainted gear means you’re including ingredients you don’t mean to add. That means the quality can’t increase. Here, I processed the Putrid Mana out of the water. We’ll be able to drink this no problem, but do you wanna try it for cooking? Anything is better than Store bought, right?”

“That’d be perfect, and I bet you’re right.” Nacho cheerfully accepted the higher-quality ingredient and smoothly got back to work.

“It's kind of amazing how boosting our characteristics can have such a profound effect on the most simple things, like mixing batter for you, or drinks for me. Also, the first rule of cooking back on Earth was to make sure that your ingredients tasted correct. Try some of the water?” Jennifer handed him a Juxtaposition cup, and Nacho tossed it back with a smile of thanks.

The smile froze in place as he processed what he had just put in his mouth.

Jennifer’s purified water tasted like life itself. It had a slight mineral aftertaste, but that only made it better. It was also ice cold, and as refreshing as a rainstorm on a hot day. “That is, by far, the very best water I’ve ever tasted.”

He heard a tiny *cha-ching* sound and looked around in confusion. Pulling up his balance, he learned that the cup of water had cost him thirty-eight credits. He had never been charged for food or drink before, and he wasn’t sure that he liked the experience. Nacho let it go after a moment, since that was his main way of earning credits as well: one of his level nineteen meals cost people one hundred and fourteen credits for three servings.

“That was a single serving of Tier one water? Worth it. My Thirst Points are full just off that.” His Cooking Magic cost ten percent of his Thirst each time he added bonuses to his food, so having access to excellent water was a massive boon.

“Right, forgot to warn you about the cost.” Jennifer squeezed her eyes shut in an embarrassed wince. “Sorry. But it’s good, right?”

“It’s a perfect cup of water. If all water tasted like this, I don’t think I would ever drink anything else. Is the river that cold?”

“My fluids just come out cold, no matter what the temperature is.” Jennifer bent placidly over her equipment as Nacho did a double take at her phrasing. “When I’m using my skills, I go into Active Brewing, and it’s like Active Combat. No Store. No Regen. Does that happen to you?”

“Active Cooking never gets boring. I highly appreciate any Mana you can give me so that I can keep everything moving the way it should.” Nacho piled all of the meat into his skillet and poured water into his Wok of Blocking. “That’s why your Mana soda is such a miracle. I have always been stuck at only nineteen safe rounds of ingredient processing. Now, the only limit I have is how fast it takes the meat to dissolve into puddles of Putrid Mana, and how many Mana sodas I can purchase.”

“Speaking of, I really need to find some new recipes so that I can aid other people in being useful as well,” the Brewer mumbled as she continued fussing with her mobile brewing stand.

“Jennifer, please let the Chips Guild finance your first potions? If we can double a single attack, that might mean the difference between life and death.”

After thinking for an uncomfortably long moment, clearly wavering back and forth, the Brewer acquiesced. “Fine. I won’t argue. Especially if what I’ve heard of this Arriod guy is true. Nibbles and Henry said he has this sword that can do all sorts of things. Nibbles laughed, claiming that if he couldn’t kill Arriod, he’d join him. Henry wasn’t so sure. I mean, Henry did have some lingering sense of Earthling pride, or maybe morals, remaining. Not Nibbles.”

Nacho poured his pancake batter into one Pauldron of Frying while the steaks sizzled in the other, adding Cooking Magic to both. The rest of the Chips Guild was staring at him hungrily now that the threat had passed and the scent of a hot meal had begun filling the camp.

“I have to warn you, they aren’t cheap. Epic Tier one Class Items. They're eight hundred credits per potion.” Jennifer shook her head. “It’s a lot. I found them in their own special category in a Mixology Menu I can access through the Store. If it’s too much, I’ll understand.”

“Not too much.” Nacho tried to smother his inner skinflint as he accessed the Chips Guild and transferred the credits to the Brewer. Her eyes flashed as she made the purchases without hesitation, and two pages appeared in her hands. Those were directly integrated into her Cocktail Menu, which was enviably small; Nacho’s cookbook was the size of a small encyclopedia.

Humming a familiar shanty with a slight smile on her lips, Jennifer immediately got busy working on her new Missile Margarita. She measured a surprising variety of ingredients with an expert hand and poured them into a tall shaker. By now, most of the other people had gathered around them, wondering when dinner would be ready. The Breakfast Club made nine people, if they were including the Five Sword Guys. The Dinner Party had four, capping the group at thirteen people total.

Almost everyone cheered when Nacho started passing out plates.

Reuben was the first person in line—he’d been at the front of many a food line, and he knew how to throw elbows to get the room he needed. “You know, Nacho, to make things easier, we should form a single party, like when we ran the UnderFun. Remember? We were the Brunch Force. We should do something different for the Starvation Dungeon. How about the High Tea Terrors?”

“No. What?” Nacho cocked his head. “Is that a British thing? Why?”

Jennifer took a break from brewing and tossed in her idea. “What about the ‘Snack Attack’?”

Brie unexpectedly laughed, and that settled it in the minds of Reuben and Nacho. People tucked into the steak and pancakes with gusto, and Nacho was inordinately pleased with how well the pancakes had turned out. Crisp on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside, just like they should be. With a little Epic syrup, they went down smoothly and were considered a Rare food, allowing for an additional stack of Nacho’s Cooking Magic if eaten at the correct time.

The cook didn’t stop working until everyone had stashed four servings of both the Resent-o-potamus steaks and the pancakes in their storage. It was easy to make his food in large quantities because of his Feasting Feats ability, and he continued to abuse that as much as possible. Nacho wanted everyone loaded down with tons of food before they entered the Starvation Dungeon.

Thanks to Nacho’s Cooking Magic, they all boosted their Stats with the evening meal. They might not need the buffs for a while, but they needed the sustenance, and it never hurt to have a stronger workforce. Jennifer ate intermittently while she puttered around. The Brewer did admit that the steak was pleasant to eat, and not gamey at all. The salt was enough to bring out its meaty flavors, even if Nacho had only been able to raise it into a Common item. “My water is good, Nacho, but your pancakes are great.”

Nacho couldn’t help but be thrilled, though he kept his excitement to himself and merely nodded at her gratefully. “Lots of practice.”

Two things happened suddenly, and very unexpectedly.

Jennifer’s vials exploded one after another, and she was thrown back a few feet, clearly wounded. Not a second later, the Portal’s purple waver shifted into a shining white beacon that sent a shockwave of radiance across the dark forest.

The Patrons flooded their minds with a message.

The Entrance to the Starvation Dungeon is open! Come one, come all, to your doom or boon! Enjoy your last minutes, while making your future delicious!

Jennifer hit the ground and rolled once, then laid face down… far too still.