CWD: OE ~ Fifteen

Nacho still had plenty of health, so he assumed that the fact they were still in Active Combat wasn’t a big deal. He and Jennifer had already started down the path in the hopes of quickly reaching the strange dungeon his people had tried to explore.

The Satiation duo skidded to a halt and ran back to help Brie, who was currently facing off against the six undead CrossHuman soldiers that Nacho had seen escorting Nibbles. They still wore the cheap Juxtaposition helmets and sunglasses, slashing at Brie with the otherworldly long-bladed spears in their rotting hands. These zombies were of the fast flavor, and they were far too well-coordinated.

Brie spun and knocked away all the spears, managing to whack the agile corpses in the noggin at least once each. Unlike the Novice Zombies, that didn’t mean a one-shot kill. Either the helmets were extra-effective, or the puppets themselves could withstand a much higher level of punishment compared to the base models. Perhaps a bit of both, since the zombies took the blow without even losing their helmets or cracking their cheap sunglasses.

The first creature slashed into Brie, the blade bouncing back in kind, thanks to her unfashionable armor, basic Tier one mana protection, and the donuts cutting the damage she took by ten percent. In all, the dead man's weapon stopped as though it had hit a wall; the zombie's light opening attack had interrupted its own battle rhythm near-perfectly.

For a second, Nacho contemplated pulling the Sewer Skewers from his Storage Slot and staking the fighters to the ground, but he knew that his knives would serve him better in combat against the multitude of weak enemies that were closing in. He was still fueled by his Cooking Magic and glowing from Reuben’s Positive Vibes, so he decided it was time to get involved. His blade struck one of the zombies in the back, sinking in with practically no resistance. “Mmm. That’s a familiar feeling that I haven’t missed all that much.”

The System let him know that they were up against some serious opponents as Nacho slammed his cleaver into the unprotected neck, right near the brainstem.

Damage dealt: 96/200. Plenty of meat in this puppet!

“These are pretty tanky!” The CrossHuman zombies were fast, powerful, and carried ten times as many Health Points as their Tier zero equivalents. Was it because of the power of their summoner? Or was it because they were CrossHuman corpses? “Keep an eye peeled for the Mind Players controlling them; I think these are the Guild Master’s personal Elites.”

Jennifer ran up with her backpack clanking, joining him in bashing the same zombie that Nacho had wounded. She smacked the zombie's helmet off with her spoon and swept off the glasses with her paddle, simultaneously taking off a good amount of face with the strike. The Brewer smiled at the cook. “I thought he might have a nose for beer, but it seems he’s lost it.”

“Was that a joke? Tell me the Brewer just tried to joke.” Reuben stepped up and punched another zombie, his fist going through the thing’s sunglasses to crush its sinus cavity. “In combat? Hey, Ales! Nacho is single, and I think you should-”

“No more talking, Reuben,” Nacho demanded darkly. He immediately waded back in to finish off the undead CrossHuman that he’d hit, but he took a spear in the side for his trouble.

Health remaining:  117/156. Aww, did you get speared? Is somebody not as good at combat as he thought he was?

The Tier one zombies were dealing thirty damage a pop, which was three times what a spear could normally do. Nacho’s eyes narrowed. “I think it’d be the best thing for everyone involved if we made sure these things were dead-dead instead of undead.”

Between them, Reuben and Brie were able to take down another of the zombies. Brie used her devastating Combat Dash strike, which hit for seventy-six damage per hit. Reuben managed fifty-six damage with his one-two punch, but that meant he had to land five full blows to take one of the slippery opponents out for good.

Mind Players were congregating on the outskirts of the brawl, throwing spells with no concern for the controlled meat puppets. Purple streaks of light hit Reuben and Brie one after another, almost seeming to curve around the undead to seek living flesh.

The Berserker grunted in pain as her health began to nosedive, but she swept Mr. Lacrosse Stick into the leg of a zombie, cracking it off at the knee and sending it tumbling to the ground. “One less zombie coming after us; now get back!”

Jennifer ignored the demand, slinging a pouch forward and digging through it. “I can keep these guys back for a minute! As long as you all don’t mind a small forest fire, anyway.”

“How small? Wait, I don’t care. Do it!” At that moment, Nacho wasn’t worried about the ecological effects of whatever Jennifer damage might inflict; they needed an escape.

Brie’s Defensive Whirl protected them for a moment, knocking the nearest zombies aside and opening a corridor of escape for the Dinner Party to run along. Jennifer followed behind them after a moment, fiddling with something as she scurried in their wake.

Nacho glanced back just as a purple streak hit his cast iron armor squarely in the center of his back. His Skillet of Turtling saved him from any third-degree burns, the innate fire resistance mitigating some of the possible secondary damage. He didn’t look back again, deciding that any choices made by Ales were her own problem now.

It was rather disturbing to accept that other humans were attacking them. Even with the atrocities that they were clearly committing, Nacho still didn’t like the idea of getting back into the habit of killing other people. Monsters and zombies were one thing, but taking out living people was a road under construction that he wanted to leave blocked to all through traffic.

Jennifer hurled something above her head, and moments later, a wall of flame exploded behind them. It was as much smoke as it was fire, completely cutting off all visibility. Even so, the dry trees caught aflame in no time flat, and the brittle leaves went up like torches. The Dinner Party trotted to a halt after a few long seconds of no noticeable pursuit, and Reuben grabbed hold of his wife to heal her with a tight hug. Her wounds immediately began to close, but Reuben didn’t let her go.

He just kept mumbling, “Too close. I don’t want you to be a zombie.”

“Ow. *Sss*.” Jennifer hissed as she felt at the skin where her face had been seared by spell fire. “I hope it’s okay to burn the forest down.”

“More than fine; this place sucks. A little cleansing flame is the best thing that could happen to it.” Brie struggled free of her husband and gave him a slight shove. “Let’s get out of here!”

They sprinted down the path, hoping that they’d fall out of Active Combat and get their Health Regen back once they put some distance between themselves and the monsters masquerading as humans. Slowly they moved into a more familiar, distance-eating run, and Nacho threw more than one glance at the Brewer before finally finding his voice. “Did you brew up whatever you threw?”

Jennifer was in good enough shape that she could talk while they ran. Or was that because of her ‘Brewmeister’ skill? “No, it was a Potion of Instant Firewall. I’m pretty sure you get special Satiation Player mob drops, right? Mine all come in liquid form.”

“That’s true. Items change when the System realizes I’m a Satiation Player. But how often are you getting mob drops? I’ve gotten, like… one. Even then, it was from a boss, and a quest item to boot.” Nacho watched curiously as she shrugged, ignoring the mysterious smile she wore. She must have gotten that question more than once in her time, if she had a set expression ready to go. Out of nowhere, a thought occurred to Nacho. “Hey, when you kill things, do you get credits?”

“Not one!” Jennifer clutched her spoon and paddle as she ran. “I just get some snotty message from the System that I should be hidden away like a delicate flower instead of risking my wilting petals on the front lines.”

“Ugh.” Brie grunted in sympathetic annoyance.

“Totally,” Jennifer agreed as they broke from the trees to find themselves on the bank of the wide Muddy River. A stone trail led up from a dock on the riverside, running up to the forest, where the trail shot south down a decline to the bottom of a ravine.

In the distance rose the Portal—Nacho could see the top of the stone arch rising above the smoke that was starting to form a haze in the air. That Portal had to be at least a hundred feet tall, if not two hundred. Happily, the pungent smell of the burning leaves blocked out the otherworldly stench, even at this distance.

Nacho coughed as the wind shifted, blowing ashes their way. He looked over his shoulder, watching the raging wall of blazing smoke that rivaled fires he only used to see on the news from California. Forest fires were certainly devastating, but they could also be handy. All those flames had probably made the Walking Fists abandon the Portal, and it might even be unguarded on this side. Still, getting to the Portal through the forest fire wouldn’t be easy. Despite being at Tier one, his lungs still required oxygen to breathe, and that might prove to be problematic, given the amount of smoke in the air.

Congratulations, Player! You’ve created a great fire for roasting marshmallows! Active Combat is over, so you can buy hot dogs from the Store! Enjoy your Regens! May your future be delicious.

Nacho led his friends down the cobblestone path and down the steps into a ravine that cut across the landscape. It was getting harder to breathe, and they could feel the ambient temperature soaring. Reuben pointed wordlessly into the distance, and Nacho followed his index finger to the bottom of the ravine, where the crumbling stones of a dungeon entrance were visible through the swirling smoke.

At the top of the archway was a sculpted face, and at first glance it looked human. Upon closer examination, the eyes of the face weren’t round, they were crosses. Was this a CrossHuman dungeon, and if so… what did that mean? Were they barred from entry?

Nacho didn’t know, but he cared not one bit. His attention was fixed on a cloaked figure emerging from the fire. The cloak wasn’t burning, and neither was the Player. In fact, he was holding flames. That wasn’t great. More fire-resistant Mind Players emerged from the forest shortly and started running toward them with hoarse, exceedingly miffed, shouts of fury.

The four of them hurried down the steps, with Nacho motioning for Jennifer to enter the dungeon. “Okay, this is probably either a really good idea or an utterly terrible one. Fingers crossed!”

“Like the eyes!” Jennifer pointed upward as she passed underneath the arch and scampered down more steps.

“She’s funny. I like her.” Reuben patted Nacho on the arm, gripping him when Nacho tried to pull away. “Don’t be like that. I’m married; let me live vicariously through you.”

“If we survive her rescue, I’ll like her.” Brie scowled at the swaying mane of auburn hair as it progressed further into the dungeon. “Got a few points against her right now. Even you knew enough to leave your mobile kitchen behind.”

Nacho could only shrug, not wanting to admit that he had nearly made them go back for it. Reuben and Brie hurried under the arch, and Nacho swung in behind them. He paused under the arch and reached into a pouch on his belt, allowing one of his Firefly Potstickers to buzz out and hover around their heads to provide a light source.

A ball of fire exploded behind him before he could release the rest, his skillet keeping him perfectly protected. Nacho was deeply impressed; wearing cooking gear as armor had proven to provide him with more protection from fire than he had ever expected. “Time's up! Run!”

“Hope you’re ready for leg day, bud.” Reuben pointed at the small, shallow steps that disappeared into the darkness. They started down as quickly as they could go, taking the steps three at a time. The slippery stone didn’t make it easy, but each of them had high enough stats that the risk was minimal.

Active Combat faded away once more, and their aches and pains vanished without a trace within a few steps. Most of the time, being in the Juxtaposition was awful, without a doubt, but the ability to heal even the most grievous wounds in a matter of mere moments was nice. Jennifer called back over her shoulder, “This place isn’t up to code. I’m not getting the welcome message yet.”

Reuben laughed too loudly, just glad he had a new person to bounce inane topics around with. “I’ll put a complaint in to the building inspector. Bad steps. Delayed welcome message. Got it.”

“Naaa-chooo!” A new voice rang out behind the group, echoing off the walls from far above them. “We know it’s you!”

The cook swept his Skillet Shield off his back and turned, ready for another fireball. It never came. He and the rest of his gang were already about halfway down the spiral staircase, rendering any attacks that required line-of-sight useless.

From the entrance, that same voice called down. “Nacho! We can hear you! It’s time for you to give up! Come quietly!”

“No can do; we’re funny people. If we come quietly, that precludes joking. Sorry, but that means it’s a no from me!” Reuben called back. “Oh, and also, you shouldn’t kill us. Dead people don’t make for good conversationalists.”

“We want the Brewer back!” the voice called down. “If you give her back to us, you can go in peace.”

“No thanks!” Nacho joined in on the upward shouting. “She likes us better. Something about access to deodorant and toothpaste? You know toothpaste is practically free, right?”

Some quiet murmuring filtered down from above, but one of the loudest comments was, “Abyss, he’s right. It’s like a single point for a six-pack at the Epic-”

“Shush! Nacho, we’re coming after you! There’s no escape,” the angry man screamed, clearly unhappy about the taunting. “We’ll just add you to the ranks and take the Brewer back.”

“You know I can cook, right?” Nacho questioned practically conversationally, trusting the echoes to deliver his words. “Shouldn’t you kill my friends and take me into custody? I mean, if you lock up one Satiation Player, you might as well lock up two.”

The resulting pause grew so quiet that Nacho swore he could hear the crackle of the burning forest outside. After an unnaturally long silence, heated whispers started to build, accompanied by the swish and clank of robed and armored limbs waving emphatically.

Nacho motioned for the others to keep going, and they tried to be as stealthy as possible in their descent. No one in their group was willing to speak, which was clearly the smart call. While the geniuses up top debated who they should kill and who they should capture, Nacho was hoping to make a clean getaway.

They followed the dim glow of the single Firefly Potsticker to the bottom of the steps and scurried under a concerningly thick portcullis. The huge metal gate would’ve been impossible to pass if it had been locked into place, but currently, the bars were secured in a recessed area of the ceiling. Even so, they wasted no time in sprinting under it, just in case it was a trap.

Once they passed beneath the gate, they finally received the welcome message to the dungeon. A single glance at the message confirmed that Arriod and his CrossHumans had already plundered this particular dungeon, and the Patrons weren’t shy about bragging about it.