CWD: GA ~ Twenty-Six

It wasn’t long before the pink-and-greenies caught their opponents off guard and beat them to the ground, stole the big drum back, and came rolling south with it, screaming with what The Dinner Party could only assume was laughter the entire time.

They passed obliviously by the crevice where Nacho and his friends sat, and once the coast was clear, the cook led them into the darkness between the Crow King’s throne and the clearing where the pink-and-greenies had already resumed dancing. Brie quietly asked how the bird men could continue dancing and drumming for days on end, and Nacho interceded before Reuben could make a joke.

“It’s the Putrid Mana. The same thing that made them monsters gives them almost unlimited stamina,” Nacho explained in a low tone, “I’ll admit, the steal-the-drum game between the Rave-ings is… inexplicable. Maybe it’s an inside joke from the Patrons? I’ve never seen something like this before, so I just don’t know.”

He found an alcove big enough for Brie and Reuben in the cave wall on the left side, then crossed to the right and located a crack for himself. The plan was fairly simple: they’d attack on Brie’s signal after Reuben gave them both some Positive Vibes. When the Berserker attacked, she’d keep it quiet, because they didn’t want to face all ten Rave-ings at the same time. They’d take care of the yellow-and-blues first, then deal with the pink-and-greenies. If all went well, they’d wrap up by sneaking to the north and taking down the Crow King.

For a long moment, while Nacho waited in the darkness, he wished he was alone. He knew that he could easily get to the end of the chasm and kill every single one of these things—except perhaps the King—all by himself, even as weak as he was currently. More than that, he wouldn’t have had to worry about his friends dying. He shook off the misplaced anger and tried to just focus on the plan.

Motion pulled him back to the present.

Five neon-jeweled figures carrying stone weapons came creeping across the cavern floor, awash in yellow and blue. They were clearly planning their own ambush, making the ambush on the ambush an extra-effective ambush.

Brie was just another mote of darkness until she blurred into motion and sheathed her hammer in the skull of one of the crow-men, clearly landing a critical hit combined with sneak attack damage. The other crows shrieked with shock and rage as Reuben grappled another, beating on it with his gauntlets.

The Juxtaposition’s routine notification of a session of Active Combat materialized just as the punching started. Enraged, the crow-men cawed above the muted din of the battle. The party had chosen this space for attack because it was unlikely that battle would be loud enough to draw either the Crow King or the pink-and-greenies. At least, that was the hope. Either way, they had to put the yellow-and-blues down fast.

Brie whirled through the vibrant crow-men, effortlessly drawing their attacks. Because her Defensive Whirl had been raised to level four, she managed to perfectly block two axes before they could slash within a foot of her chainmail. Reuben shouted a warning as he threw the crow he had grabbed toward his fiancée, and she used her hammer to sweep its legs, then adjusted her grip, swung, and took off a chunk of its head.

With a grunt, Reuben crushed his hands together with a Rave-ing’s head between them. It didn’t kill the crow, but the odd blow did stun it. Brie cracked the skull of another of the monsters, then spun and killed the crow whose cheeks Reuben had clapped.

The Healer sputtered as bone fragments and gore geysered into his face.

Nacho took advantage of the chaos, approaching from the back and driving his knife into the kidneys of a crow-man before it could attack the distracted party members with its spear.

One, two, three thrusts, finished with a twist to ensure no healing could ever manage to meld the pieces back together. Nacho gripped it by its feather cloak with his left hand while he stabbed with his right, then gently set the corpse on the ground as it stopped struggling, though he continued to press the blade to the base of its neck as a precaution. “Reuben!”

The Healer whirled, spotted the crow on the ground, and sent a fist into the back of its skull, driving the beak into the stone and cracking the beast’s neck.

The System message ticked down the damage from his attack, happily not giving Nacho credit for the kill.

Damage Dealt: 20, 12, 11! You’re moving too fast for individual updates!

The first hit was a critical sneak attack for double damage!

Noticing the combo backstab and haymaker, the last Rave-ing still on its feet turned toward Nacho, and the cook found himself about to get a stone axe in the face. The Berserker spotted the advancing crow-man just in time to Defensive Whirl her way out of two attacks, dropping her hammer where beak met face. The wet *crunch* as it landed caused enough pain that the drummer crow attempted to flee.

The mutated creature turned and ran back toward the king’s throne, and Brie allowed it a few steps before Combat Dashing her way up to it and releasing her full kinetic load on it. The feathered biped went down with a weak croak, then lay unmoving.

Active Combat ended with a cheery message from the Juxtaposition.

Whoa! You put the ‘murder’ in ‘attempted murder’! Tasty! Combat is over!

Nacho was shaking from the adrenaline, a wide smile on his lips as he felt the thrill of combat once more. His blade came up toward his mouth, practically of its own accord, and he needed to use all his willpower not to lick the Putrid Mana-filled blood off of it. Instead, he flicked the weapon, sending the blood spatter onto the wall and floor. Luckily, Brie and Reuben hadn’t observed his near-lapse; they were both breathing hard and sweating, faces bathed in the neon glow of the dead creatures’ jewelry.

The cook gathered himself into the most non-insane posture he could hold at the moment, then made a shushing motion in the hopes that his friends would realize they needed to keep quiet. They complied and sank into the shadows, listening carefully for the expected warning of another attack. Nothing converged on them, neither the Crow King nor the pink-and-greenies.

Instead, the drumming continued echoing through the area uninterrupted, a funky beat that had completely covered the sounds of their ambush. Nacho glanced north toward the Crow King’s throne, then at his friends. “How much were they worth?”

Brie’s eyes flashed blue as she wiped some blood off her chin. “Looks like they were twenty credits each.”

“I missed this.” Nacho was glad he hadn’t killed the one he’d tried to backstab, feeling nearly as glad that he had managed to keep his bad habits hidden away where they belonged. Twenty credits was a lot per monster, right at the top of what any Tier zero monster could pay out. Better yet, they’d survived the fight and taken down five of the mid-level Tier zero Rave-ings in one shot. This was very good news. Now, if they could get lucky with the pink-and-greenies, they could wipe out the Crow King’s minions without him suspecting a thing.

Nacho perked up with another great idea. “Okay, for the others, Reuben will juice you up with Positive Vibes, Brie. You’ll go in hot, whirl, and start smashing things. Reuben, you grab the drummer. I’ll pick up the drum stick and try to keep those beats going. Recap: you guys fight. I drum. We’ll stop for a quick snack, then go for the king. Brie, how much did you use up?”

“I’m only down thirty-eight Hunger points, so I’m good for another battle like that. It’s uncomfortable, but I’m getting used to it.” She winced as her wound started to heal and pulled together her torn flesh. “It might take a minute for my Health Regen to fix me up, though. That axe got me good.”

“Eat food, and it’ll go faster. Actually, no, that’ll take too long. Just hang out for a few-” Nacho corrected himself, clumsily moving on to contingency planning, only to be interrupted by the Healer.

“We are not waiting for that axe wound to stop bleeding on its own,” Reuben growled as he stepped forward and hugged Brie, and two seconds later, she was at full health. He reached for a water bottle to replenish his Thirst points as Nacho sighed and rubbed at his head.

Brie gestured to him as she reached for a bite of food, only to get her hand slapped away by the cook. “You know, if we had some delicious Nacho snacks, it’d be no big deal to just eat something right now and be fine. Instead, we need to use precious resources-”

“I get it, I get it,” Nacho cut her off with a growl. “Just understand that eating takes longer than drinking, and we need to hurry and kill the rest of the dancers to get to the king. Still, it looks like you’re dishing out enough damage even without Combat Dodge to put these things down. Use Defensive Whirl sparingly, and we’ve got this. After we finish off the dancers, we can break for a proper meal. Okay… a snack. Small one. Raisins and peanuts, at most.”

“How generous and gracious of you!” Reuben commented drolly, then snapped his fingers. “Abyss. I forgot to buy candy from the Store to help your… snack.”

“You’ll learn to love any food you can shove in. Savoring only makes it harder to get up to maximum Hunger Points,” Nacho informed The Dinner Party grimly as they crept south, abandoning the glowing crow bodies littering the cavern floor. Before long, they approached the leaping and strutting pink-and-greenies. Reuben boosted them all with some Positive Vibes, as he’d figured out how to dole out his power without a revealing light show.

Brie trotted toward the Rave-ings, hammer in hand. The pink-and-greenies were expecting another good-natured attack from their rival gang at some point, and so didn’t react as quickly as they should have. Instead of friendly feathered faces, they were set upon by a Berserker in chainmail and a helmet, running forward in combat boots and swinging her oversized hammer.

Active Combat had begun.

Brie activated her Defensive Whirl as she hit the Rave-ins, but the Skill could only automatically block two attacks at its current level. The third blow came from a crow-man slamming a hatchet into her chainmail. Nacho winced sympathetically as she let out a pained *wheeze*. That was going to leave some serious damage. Reuben would have to hug her as soon as possible to bring her back into proper fighting form; unfortunately, the fight had just gotten tricky.

As for the big guy himself, he rammed his fist into the crow holding the timpani hammer, and the stick clattered to the stone floor. The Rave-ing reached for a pair of obsidian daggers sheathed around his midsection.

Reuben grabbed the crow-man and flung him into the back of one of his buddies, sending both creatures sprawling. “You’re Rave-ing mad, but you’re not very good at fighting!”

“No trash talk until they’re dead, please!” Nacho sprinted over and grabbed the timpani stick, trying to match the drumbeat and hoping he had at least as much rhythm as a monster crow. The beat once more boomed through the chamber, and the fighting shifted slightly as the tempo subconsciously began to impact the combatants.

Reuben punched the crow three times, matching the rapid staccato beat that Nacho was drumming out. Brie whipped her hammer around as hard as possible, the blows landing on each of the drum’s fourth beats. One such strike shattered one of the Rave-ing’s beaks, and the Berserker immediately spun and tactically retreated from the three surviving crows; she needed to try to staunch her wounds.

The monsters didn’t mind, instead turning on Reuben as he raised his blood-coated fists and taunted them. “Come on, you prime candidates for bird flu! Wanna be my patient zero? Your beats are the opposite of sick; they’re practically healthy. You’re metronome dancers!”

“What did I say about trash talk?” Nacho shouted over the beat of his own drum. With their enemies thoroughly distracted, Brie came charging back in and flattened one of the birds as it tried to turn on her. Another whirled a pike and slashed Reuben’s thigh, sending blood streaming over the camo pattern. The pants didn’t offer any protection, but to his credit, he didn’t let the wound stop him: instead he promptly punched the Rave-ing’s lights out.

Once he’d cleared himself some breathing room, the Healer started doing his actual job, forcing Brie into a hug and giving her a full ten health, even though he was also injured. The effort cost him, and he cried out as he took a heavy chop from the final crow, who was expertly wielding an obsidian axe. The razor-sharp stone blade sliced through the meaty part of Reuben’s thigh, striking bone and sending the Healer to the ground with blood fountaining from the wound.

Brie flashed forward in a blind rage, using Combat Dash to save her fiancé as the monster reared back for a killing blow. Her hammer landed against the Rave-ing’s left peeper, the weapon getting a true bird’s eye view as the strike followed through and crushed its face. The beast spun around, already dead on its feet, but another hammer stroke slammed the carcass into the stone.

As soon as the Juxtaposition ended Active Combat, Brie was instantly on her knees next to Reuben, frantically wrapping his arms around his own body for him as he shook from shock and blood loss. “Hug yourself! Activate the Skill, Reuben!”

“Mmkay.” Reuben glowed lightly, and his eyes began to focus once more. He reached up with trembling hands and wiped blood from his eyes, leaving a long streak across his face. “Remind me not to party in caves anymore. That DJ is giving me a headache.”

“Doing the best I can over here.” Nacho had kept the beat going steady, but now he started to throw in some fancy, quick beats, just in case the Crow King got suspicious. They needed time to heal and eat. “Too close guys, I’m so sorry. Get some food and water, and focus on healing. Should we get out of here?”

He must’ve been doing decently on the drum, because the System gave him a cheery message.

Hidden quest completed: It's Only Manslaughter if There is Probable Caws!

Good job drumming; you’ve kept the big bird entertained and complacent for five full minutes while you killed its subjects. Fifty credit bonus!

Nacho’s teeth flashed in an excited grin. “Guys, I just got a bonus! Abyss, the rarest stuff just keeps throwing itself at us. I didn't get my first hidden quest for nearly a year the last… in the simulation.”

“I didn’t think those birds would be so ferocious. They’re rave dancers! But I gotta give it to them…” Reuben hugged himself once more, a line of light covering the gash on his leg and closing the wound from the inside out. “…they had real chops.”

“Patrons above, Reuben. Don’t nearly die just to make a joke!” Brie threatened her groom with a water bottle, then stuck it in his mouth to cover the water leaking from her own eyes. He started chugging the water, because as Brie had correctly noticed, he was rapidly burning through Thirst points. The Berserker breathed a sigh of relief as Reuben’s passive Health Regen finally kicked in, even though most of his bleeding had already been taken care of with his healing self-hugs.

Confident that her man was going to be fine, Brie went and pulled Nacho’s backpack off, took a mouthful of water, and ravaged the teriyaki beef jerky. Normally, she was a stickler for manners, but she’d used her abilities to kill most of the ten Rave-ings and was utterly voracious. “I’m beginning to understand how critical eating is going to be in this game. The main problem is that I cannot get enough nutrients in my stomach fast enough. Does having higher-quality food let you eat less and still fill up your points?”

“Exactly that,” Nacho called over. “At least in theory. I’ve literally only ever had the food from the Store, and one full meal is only ever one portion. Are you both ready? Or should we leave?”

The Crow King was next, and they all knew it.

Nacho continued to bang the drum as his friends hesitated. He knew what the issue was: this was the first time they had killed anything even approximating a human, and it was already beginning to mess with them, now that their adrenaline was fading. “If we stay, here’s the plan for the king: we’ll roll the drum up the cavern after we go back and grab the blue and yellow jewelry from the first Rave-ings. He’ll think it’s just the other team stealing back the drum. I would suggest we hit him with the bow and arrow, but none of us has an archery Skill. We need to smack him with a bunch of damage all at once. Again, it’s going to be all Brie, all the time.”

“Brie smash.” Reuben was ignored by his bride, but apparently he hadn’t expected anything different. Being the gamer that he was, the Healer went over the bodies to see if they had any treasure—magic or otherwise. Sadly, all his efforts produced were the Caw Paw clothes, their stone weapons, and the neon jewelry that he tossed aside. “I’d take it, but pink and green just aren’t my colors. I’m far more blue and yellow.”

“Pink is nice. I think you’d look good in a crisp salmon shirt and white shorts.” Brie casually attempted to sneak fashion sense into the man, but as per usual, she rolled a critical failure. “I want another minute, Nacho… but then I want to end this. We aren’t going to be able to thrive without big windfalls, and that means taking risks.”

The cook could only nod silently. Once everyone was ready, Nacho dropped the stick and started rolling the drum north toward the Crow King’s throne. He only stopped once, just long enough for all of them to throw on the blue and yellow neon jewelry: anklets, bracelets, and necklaces. Thus outfitted, they progressed toward the floor boss, who continued croaking with laughter in the darkness.

While Nacho rolled the drum, Reuben jogged with Brie. Nacho was so glad they’d forced the huge man to work out ahead of the event. He was winded, in no way as conditioned as the lacrosse player or the ex-assassin, but he wasn’t bent over and sucking wind like he would have been in the original timeline, had he lived.

When they got close enough to sight the throne of sticks, bones, and glittering trinkets—which was somehow outshone by the flash of the Crow King’s multi-colored warpaint—Reuben gave them all a shot of Positive Vibes while draining a water bottle. In preparation to support the Berserker, he’d brought his Thirst back up to one hundred percent, and he had full Mana. Brie had polished off enough jerky to top off her Satiation stats as well, and Nacho was… hopeful.

Juiced up, Brie shot forward as they got in range, easily outpacing Nacho and Reuben. She ran directly up to the throne, adding spice to her initial blow with a healthy dose of Combat Dash. Fortunately, the Crow King realized he’d been ambushed a beat too late. He leapt to his feet, only to take Brie’s hammer right in his side, though he managed to avoid a face-shot.

The neon-glowing bird-thing released a squawk full of fury. Nacho let the drum fall as the System message hit everyone involved.

Hey, Player, it’s Active Combat time! You’re facing your first boss monster, and it’s the one, the only, Bob Bass, the Crow King! The Promoter Prince, the Duke of Dance! Better get your groove on, or else you might find yourself doing the worm dance six feet under. Remember: no Health or Mana Regen, and no Store fun!

Brie stood in front of the throne and cheered, “Twenty-five points of damage done! I can hurt him, and it’s a him, all right.”

“Where are you looking, Brie?” Reuben called with mock fury as he got into position.

Brie played it off easily. “You saw what the System said; he’s Bob Bass!”

The Crow King acted as though he could understand them—either that, or he didn’t take kindly to being attacked. He leapt into the air, a dagger in each slim-fingered hand aimed at Brie. She whirled away in the nick of time, and Bob’s attack was deflected to merely slice the side of her neck. Squawking angrily, the Crow King launched himself off the floor as she stumbled. He couldn’t fly, but he still managed to glide right toward Nacho.

Reuben flung himself protectively in front of the cook. The Crow King’s daggers pierced his back, though the chainmail protected the Healer from taking too much damage. Before his pained cry had even escaped his lips, Brie was there, her feet blurring with speed and her hammer swinging down like the pendulum of death. The head struck Bob Bass with the force of a freight train, crushing a wing and sending one of the daggers falling to the ground with a *tink*.

The Berserker leapt backward, gasping in a breath. “Damage done is fifty Health Points out of one hundred and sixty-five!”

They were unsure if this monster was Tier one, but they needed to act like it was. That meant that if she was going to kill the thing, she needed to continue to hit with a minimum of twenty-five points—which meant she needed to use her Combat Dash. Each strike took ten percent of her Hunger, so they should’ve been okay, but she’d used her Skills three times in this fight and was already down to sixty-five points. If every subsequent blow landed and she got a perfect hit, she should leave the fight with a quarter of her Hunger points left. The complicating issue was that she kept needing to use her Defensive Whirl, which cost her fifteen percent of her Hunger each time.

Reuben was already hurt—how bad, Nacho didn’t know, but two knives to the back certainly couldn’t feel good. The cook was going to have to deal some damage if they were going to make it out of this.

He got the drum moving and rolled it into the crow, who still couldn’t fly. Bob could hop; in fact, he leapt effortlessly and nigh-instantly over the drum and onto Nacho. The human was trapped under the weight of the seven-foot-tall Crow King, and the monster drove his beak into the top of Nacho’s chest like a spear.

The System flashed an ugly scarlet message:

Health remaining: 20/30!

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that.” Nacho’s voice was rough, nearly a snarl as he slashed his weapon into the beast ineffectually. The fact was, the cook knew the damage messages only too well. He’d managed to avoid being hurt up until now because he was neither a Body Player nor a Mind Player; but he had known it couldn’t last forever.

Even worse, since Nacho didn’t have any armor, he was being bashed up without any protection. The Crow King took advantage of the lack of resistance and slammed his remaining dagger into Nacho’s arm.

Health remaining: 15/30!

Nacho felt the pain, but he also couldn’t help but wonder why the damage wasn’t worse. These were the MurderSong Blades, right?

“Get off him!” Brie punctuated her demand by smashing the Crow King’s already damaged wing with her mallet. “Seventy-five points out of one-sixty-five!”

They had a long way to go, but Brie’s Splatter Mallet had knocked Bob off balance. Reuben must’ve heal-hugged himself, because he came in slugging without any blood dripping off his back. His punches sent shockwaves through the feathers, sending Bob back-pedaling.

While the feathered beast was still reeling, Brie’s hammer came speeding back in and bashed the Prince of Promoters in the spine. “A hundred points even!”

Three more strikes. Three more rounds of Combat Dashing.

Nacho tried to get up, but he was dizzy from blood loss, and the pain was making it hard to concentrate. “Down to half Health and combat just started.”

Reuben couldn’t heal him, because he was currently trading blows with the Duke of Dance. The Healer managed to duck the dagger, but the Crow King’s beak caught his silly leather helmet, and it was torn loose. He earned a gash on his scalp at the same time, yet it was nothing in comparison to his ridiculous headgear. “My helmet! Abyss, Bob, why are you and your crow DJs going after my helmet?”

“They know better than to let someone wear a hat like that in public!” Brie sprinted in, and her hammer strike sent the Crow King staggering. “Take the hint!”

Nacho finally forced himself to his feet and dropped his backpack. Wincing, he pulled out the bow, fitting an arrow to the string just as Bob charged forward. The Crow King acted like he wanted to finish off Nacho out of sheer spite. He wasn’t even going after Brie, but to be fair, she was zooming around like a pain-inducing breeze.

The cook got an arrow off, merely hoping to distract Bob. The shaft bounced off the Crow King’s face and left a small mark, causing the king to fling up his arms to protect his face in response.

Brie took the opening to rush by and crushed the disoriented king’s leg. “One fifty! Only fifteen points left!”

As she sprinted around for another pass, Reuben tackled the beast, his gauntlets gripping Bob’s wings. He might’ve been able to rip a normal Rave-ing’s wings off with those metal gloves, but with the Crow King, he just barely managed to hold the thing still.

Frenzied to the point of panic, Bob spun and threw Reuben to the ground and stabbed his beak into the big guy’s exposed skull. A harsh, if glancing, blow.

The bow clattered to the ground as Nacho tackled the monster, mounted his feathery shoulders, and started twisting back and forth. “I’ll choke you to death, if that’s what it takes! You think you can attack me? My friends? I’m going to rip you apart and turn you into breakfast. I bet you’re hiding something delicious under all those feathers! You’re nothing more than a rotisserie chicken!

He yanked hard, and the Crow King tripped and fell, landing heavily on his side as the cook struggled to keep him down. Out of the corner of his eye, Nacho could see that Reuben was still conscious, which was enough to help the cook hold it together while Brie sped forward and swung her hammer.

Hammer met crow skull.

Crow skull lost.

Congratulations, Player! Active Combat is over! Succulent success!

“That was… literally insane.” Huffing in exhausted breaths as she hit her knees, Brie’s hammer clanked off the stone floor. She brightened visibly as she went over the notifications, “Ooh. Twenty five credits with a fifty credit bonus for clearing a dungeon floor? We’re up to three hundred and sixty-two credits! We can buy Nacho his cooking stuff, and I’m not going to lie… I’m so flippin’ hungry right now. I only have fifteen Hunger points left.”

Nacho found himself being gathered into Reuben’s arms, and the cook could see that the Healer had already tended to himself. “I gotcha, buddy. Have some health. Now that could be my catchphrase. Have a heal. Hug a heal? Build a Bear?”

“I really liked ‘Wanna be my patient zero’. It was ominous and confusing.” The weary cook sagged in his friend’s embrace as he felt the Health Points fill him. Once a full ten points sank in, he was back up to a comfortable twenty-five. “My Health Regen can take care of the rest; save your mana.”

Brie was already face-first in the beef jerky, eating with gusto. Reuben chuckled at her… ravenous… consumption as he started shaking water bottles. He’d emptied a good number of them, so he breathed a sigh of relief when he found one that was still full, then sucked it dry.

Nacho reverently stepped over to one of the fallen daggers. He picked it up and used the System View… only to find that it was just a normal dagger. Concern filling him, he hurried over and lifted the other knife. Same thing. “These weren’t the MurderSong Blades? Did we just kill a monster on the verge of Tier one for nothing? How did Myron do it?”

Nacho’s lips pulled into an unconscious snarl. Those blades were going to be his.