CWD: GA ~ Nine

Nacho stood in the demo kitchen of the Satiation Shoppe and tried to ignore the annoyed sighs of the Cinnabunny. He was intrigued by this very expensive Common Cook class, and he was dying to know about the skills, so he dove right in.

INGREDIENT PROCESSING (REQUIRED): The lucky cook with this skill can process all kinds of monstrous fruits, vegetables, and beasts of higher tiers based on their level. This isn’t just killing, skinning, and dressing your average carrot, oh no. This gives the cook the ability to completely drain out the Putrid Mana. You can make the yucky into oh-so-yummy.

COOKING MAGIC: Enhance dishes with spices, love, and destruction. Cooks with this skill will be able to make dishes that grant a single stat boost based on the level of the cook. When people say that your soup kills, they won’t be kidding. Make hamburgers that dish out harm, or spaghetti that slays. Buff up your diners and then send them out to battle!

GOURMET LURES: Cook dishes that will be so crazy good that no one can resist them! Just the smell will pull in everyone from peasants, to princes, to dragon kings. Set traps with apple tarts or bait cages with cherry noodle kugel.

FEASTING FEATS: Have to cook for a battalion? Need to feed an army? This skill will spread out the joy of cooking and feed the multitudes with a limited amount of food as long as your guests have some credits to spare. You’ve heard of the loaves and fishes? This skill is like that, except with demon bread and monster meat. Make a little go a long way for your paying patrons!

BLADE SHARPENING: Any cook cutting meat needs blades as sharp as their wits, and with this skill, you’ll be able to give your knives the ultimate edge. You’ll be able to cut a tomato even after you saw through a tin can! But come on, ask yourself: why are you cutting up tin cans?

CYCLONE WHISK: Make mixing easy with this skill! You can mix up your ingredients in a whirl of awesome, cutting down on cooking time and creating flavors as only a rogue tornado can! Make your kitchen a category-four hurricane of culinary love!

MOTHER’S LOVE: Create dishes that can heal the body, mind, and heart. Fix wounds at the same time you fix emotions. Time since you last called your mother: NA. Oh, you’re a monster. Ignore this skill.

SUMMON STAFF: Any busy chef can tell you that sometimes they need help. With this, your next helper could be the potato peelings you just threw away. Summon kitchen help from everyday garbage and create trash golems that can divide the work!

MANY HANDS: Like the Summon Staff skill, sometimes a chef in the kitchen doesn’t have enough hands. With this skill, you can grow an extra set of limbs! Then you can do it your way, baby. Whip the cream, beat the eggs, torture the goose to get the pate, all at the same time! Number of extra arms will be based on level.

COMBAT CONVENIENCE STORE: You can't open the Juxtaposition Store if you are in Active Combat or Active Cooking. The Store is as closed as a liquor shop after 11 p.m. in Topeka. However, this ability allows you to shop, though it is restricted to items you would find at your local convenience store. There will be canola oil, but it will be double the price. The Slurpees will still be cheap, so you’ll have that going for you.

Nacho grew more excited with every line, and he knew right away that the most important skills were the first two, the Ingredient Processing and Cooking Magic abilities. With those, not only would he beat the food problem, but he could actually help his comrades in battle.

He knew there would be strings attached, and he also knew the Patrons really didn’t want Satiation Players to exist. But he was going to become one, and he pretty much knew right then that he was going to choose the Common Cook. He did notice the Active Cooking thing highlighted. What was Active Cooking? He’d have to research later; first, he finished inspecting the other Satiation sections.

At the back, at the grill display, was the Butcher class. It was basically like the cook, but only meat could be handled with any efficiency. The class did get twice the nourishment from meat, but only half from vegetables. Their skills also included Blade Sharpening, but there were some skills which helped with anatomy, the ability to make head cheese, and one called Basic Blood Sausage.

Being able to process monster meat efficiently would be nice, but the Butcher was thirteen hundred Evaluation Points, cheaper than the Common Cook. He knew there was a reason for that—being a Butcher limited a Player.

The Harvester was similar to the Butcher, only it was the vegetarian flavor of the class, hence being slightly cheaper at twelve hundred and fifty Evaluation Points. In keeping with that trend, a Harvester gained twice the nourishment from fruits and vegetables, and only half from meat. One of the skills was Fool’s Gold, which did give the ability to make vegetables taste like meat. Another was Breakfast Grain Guru, which helped to make the most important meal of the day even more important by adding buffs to oatmeal.

Nacho easily discounted those two classes. As he moved to the back corner, he found a barrel of beer, some wine bottles, and a six pack of diet ginger ale. This was the Brewer, and it gave him pause.

Brewer class! Make mine a double, Larry. This will include two skills, a few beers, and possibly a hangover.

To be a Brewer is to be the life of the party—if that party involves yeast and measuring. Sure, the Brewer is able to purify all water, but the fun doesn’t end there! A Brewer can add high-Tier power to lower Tier food. They are the master of the soup and the stew, and they can take a Tier 0 deer and make it a meal for the Tier 1 hero! Even so, it’ll take a herd of deer to feed a Tier 2 hero. Only choose a Brewer if you like soup. Because soup is good. Right? People can be passionate about soup. Probably.

Basic cost: 1450 Evaluation Points! This is wickedly expensive for what a lot of guys do as a hobby. You’d drink your friend’s hobby beer, right?

Browse for more info?

Yes/No

Nacho went through the skills quickly, and he paused on one called Stone Soup Master. Like the others, the description was amusing, but it hid how truly powerful this class would be later in the Juxtaposition.

STONE SOUP MASTER: Make a simple pot of water a satisfying meal with a little monster meat, a few devil potatoes, and a stock fashioned from dreams. With this skill, you’ll be able to keep your people alive and healthy as long as you have a water source and a few ingredients. Don’t skip the celery! Like Feasting Feats, this stretches out your food supply—though you should probably find some crackers, because soup by itself needs a friendly carb to complete the meal.

Nacho saw how this could be really powerful. Yet, he also saw the drawbacks. While Stone Soup seemed like magic, in actuality, it required a lot of ingredients. Clearly, the Common Cook class was the best of the Satiation options, and he had the Evaluation Points to buy it. Nacho turned to the creepy pink unicorn bunny. “Okay, Cinn, I’m going with Common Cook. I want my skills to be Ingredient Processing and Cooking Magic.”

A flash of subtle interest lit up the bunny’s eyes before the pink beast turned and hopped back around the counter. Nacho strode over, following in her cinnamon-scented wake. Inside the case sat bins of bubble gum, rows of licorice, a bin of beef jerky, some sausages that were a bit too bright pink—obviously raw—followed by trays of dried fruit snacks and sheets of cookies, including a gingerbread man.

The bunny opened a sliding door in the back and reached to grab the gingerbread man, but the little guy leapt to his feet. Gumdrop buttons marked his coat, and his arms were bound by licorice whips. However his legs were free, and he tried to escape through the opening.

Even so, the bunny was faster. It slammed the door closed and cracked the adjacent panel. The gingerbread man scurried across the cookies and kicked a beef jerky against the glass while his frosting-marked eyes cast about for something to cut the licorice ropes off.

Pausing was his mistake. The bunny threw open the door and snatched him up, then slammed the squirming cookie form down on the counter. The unicorn rabbit seized another length of licorice and tied up the gingerbread man’s legs in a flash of red high-fructose corn syrup. Nacho silently watched the confectionary conflict with both unease and enjoyment.

Before, when he’d purchased the Assassin class, he'd merely taken the robes to the counter and the naga had rung him up. The robes had disappeared, since they’d only been a prop, and an elevator ride later, he’d appeared on the Starter World.

This time, though, the bunny waved a pink paw over the gingerbread man, who was glaring at Nacho like it hated him and knew he was its doom.

An info box popped up.

Are you sure you want to purchase the tedious Common Cook class as well as those two lame skills?

Y/N.

Nacho chose ‘yes’ without thought, but the gaming system wasn’t going to make it easy on him. He couldn’t believe he was choosing this class, and that he was paying so much for it. It was ironic in all the wrong ways, given his history both in and out of the Juxtaposition.

Wait, wait, wait. If you choose the Common Cook class, you’ll be spending your life in this exciting new world either in the kitchen or doing dishes. You could be an all-powerful mage, or a dashing paladin. Are you really sure you want to purchase the boring Common Cook class and the two uninspiring skills?

Yes/No

The Patrons clearly did not want their Players choosing Satiation classes. Nacho bought it anyway, losing the lion’s share of his Evaluation Points. He only had a single EP remaining, and he knew where he wanted to spend it.

A final message gave him the last of his instructions.

Congratulations, Chef. You’re now a Common Cook who can use Ingredient Processing and Cooking Magic. Good luck out there, back in the kitchen, missing out on all the fun. Eat Mr. Gingerbread on the elevator down.

The Cinnabunny stuffed the gingerbread man into a pink box and tossed the cardboard containment cell into a pink bag with silver sparkly handles. Nacho grabbed the sack and felt the cookie man wrestling around in the carton. Eating the thing wasn’t going to be easy, physically or morally. He just hoped that biting the gingerbread man’s head off would stop the rest of the wriggling.

Back out in the mall, Nacho walked past Saavi Candoo’s Skills Stall. He wasn’t going to be purchasing additional skills until he was on the Starter World, earning credits, and figuring out his new class. He was fairly certain that he’d get a knife skill, since he’d been practicing so much, but he wouldn’t know for sure until he took the elevator ride down to the planet.

Nacho popped into the Gary’s General Store and used his last Evaluation Point to purchase a mundane combo set: a generic pot and a wide cast-iron fry pan. He figured that they would be good enough to fix up most easy meals.

On his first run, he’d joined the guild early on, but that didn’t mean that Nacho hadn’t done some campfire cooking when he’d been Tier zero. Back then, he’d been far more focused on surviving monster attacks than on meal prep. Most of the time, he’d bought meals from the Store. They were cheap, but they weren’t good.

Gary the shopkeeper was the most human thing that Nacho had seen in the mall, like someone from an Iowa farming supply store. He had thinning red hair, a ton of freckles, and overalls which worked overtime to keep his considerable gut in check. Gary wore sunglasses, and Nacho knew what that meant.

“Are you human, Gary?” Nacho scoffed as he shoved the gingerbread man’s pink bag into the thick cardboard apple box that held the cookware. Gary didn’t respond, but Nacho was almost positive he knew what kind of eyes the shopkeeper had behind those mirrored shades. The shopkeeper’s grin was slow and evil as it split his pink, chapped lips.

Nacho laughed as he regarded the CrossHuman. “Even you are a clue to what’s coming. Those Patrons are such sneaky sneaks.”

Outside Gary’s General Store, Nacho spied a bench against a wall, near enough that he might be able to push open the ceiling tiles. Could he climb up to where the Patrons sat? Or would he open the tiles to reveal some eldritch monster that would drive him insane?

Nacho wanted to look, but he ultimately decided against risking it. He wanted to eat the dratted gingerbread man and get to his friends. He couldn’t shake a nagging feeling that if he went off-script, it wouldn’t go well for him. Already he was changing the game by becoming a Satiation Player, and he wouldn’t be surprised if the Patrons had already started gunning for him.

He hit the down button on the elevator, turning to take one last look at the Evaluation Mall. He’d never see it again. This time, there was no Kronos boon to give him another shot. This time, it was all for keeps, and he was a cook, of all things.

Somehow, even though he had planned to follow his previous path… he knew he was doing the right thing.

The elevator dinged, the doors slid open, and Nacho stepped inside. He bent, wrestled the gingerbread man out of the bag and box, and then bit the sugary, squealing head off. It was warm—unnerving—but very sweet. Once beheaded, the cookie went limp, and he quickly ate the doughy body. The frosting was sweet, the gumdrops chewy, and what he’d thought had been licorice just tasted like artificial cherries.

The System flashed.

Wow, a Satiation Player. You’re a rare boy, aren’t you? We have your selected skills listed as Ingredient Processing and Cooking Magic. Is this correct?

Yes/No

Nacho chose the ‘yes’ option. A second later, he had another parameter to set:

Okay, last question before you get started, Cookie. What kind of build type do you want?

Self-Applied: 2 stats per level, can be placed anywhere.

Balanced, Instant: 3 stats per level, applied to the stats evenly in a round-robin manner.

Balanced, Delayed: 5 to each stat, applied only at each level that is a multiple of five.

Choose now! All choices are final.

Nacho had been waiting for this. The first time, he’d chosen ‘Self-Applied’ like most people, and that was… fine. No one, outside of Nacho, had even seen their stats yet. He already knew the last one was a trap, because while it allowed for sudden, massive power increases—granting the same number of stat points at level ten that a ‘Balanced, Instant’ had at level twenty—the Player would need to fully trust that the people around them would keep them safe and alive while they were weak. It was too easy to reach the verge of a fifth level, only to be killed while lower Tiers were still far more powerful.

Despite that, Nacho knew his friends would be there for him, if they had forgiven him by now. He confidently chose ‘Balanced Delayed.’

The elevator sank down as if the bottom had dropped out of it, and he smelled the greasy cheesiness of a grilled-cheese sandwich. “What is happening?”

A moment later, his new life began.