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COMIC: Space Camp (Day 1, part 5) CONCLUSION

Added 2021-11-20 00:00:18 +0000 UTC

Space Camp chronologically so far:
- I'll Be Back For Dinner
- I'm Functional
- First Day (part 1)
- First Day (Part 2)
- First Day (Part 3)
- First Day (Part 4)

End of my first day at the Intensive Outpatient Program!

Drafting up my notes from 2019 into these rough comics now is a... fascinating experience. On the one hand, I'm visiting a version of myself who does not exist any more. I mean, she does, obviously: I'm her, she's me, I wouldn't be me today if she hadn't had these experiences three years ago. It's like looking at the before and after photos of the Columbia River Gorge from the Oregon fires that decimated it a few years ago.

(Photo by Jarom Barela)
It's still the same place. Just. You know. Different points in time.

AND ON THE OTHER HAND:

This wasn't just my experience.

My community, my friends, and my husband were all having their own experiences with me as I enrolled in this program and navigated the world through the goggles of mental illness. (Which doesn't even factor in the rest of their lives that don't revolve around me!)

Matt was taken aback to read my first draft of these pages, where I only wrote down what he had said to me at the time and how I had felt. "I remember being worried and scared for you and our life. I remember needing to step up and send crisis emails to our peers and family and book people. I remember making room in our life to make this [going to the program] happen for you." I hadn't seen this. I was wrapped up in my own crisis and I didn't see how this had affected him and what he had to go through on his own, without his partner. Going back to these pages now has given Matt and me a fresh chance to talk about how we survived this time, to explain ourselves now that the fire is out, and to apologize for the hurts we gave each other during this period when everything felt like it was burning down.

There's probably some analogy to be made about healing and growing as people and the recovery of the Columbia Gorge, but I am too tired to string it together. Pretend I wrote something that brings this all full circle and you're like "Ahh, yes, I'm so glad I'm backing Erika's Patreon, this is totally worth it."