Cycle 3: Doctor

“Hey, Lilika. Can you teach me this for a moment?” my friend Shella asked for help.

I glanced left and right. This is my old school. The situation that occurred 13 years ago is repeating itself. Long-buried memories slowly resurface.

“Shella?” I saw Shella waiting for my response.

“What’s the matter, Lily?”

“What’s the date today?”

“April 27, 2005.”

I went back to my childhood again. This time, what dream will I choose? I no longer want to be a musician or an artist. Their lives are like fireworks. They shine brightly for a moment, then die and turn into ashes. I want aspirations that are not easily eroded by time or fans.

“Hey! So, are you going to teach me or not?” Shella started to look annoyed as I kept my mouth shut.

“Oh, okay. I’ll teach you. So, what’s the question?”

“Here’s the question.” Shella handed me her book.

“For this one, you use this as the base and this as the height.”

“Then what?”

“Multiplication, Shella. It seems like you’re not improving even after I teach you every day.”

“Yeah, sorry for being dumb.” Shella could only show a guilty face. “What about this one?” she continued her question.

“For this one, you use the parallelogram formula and then reverse the formula.” The voice of Elin, who still sounded like a child, echoed.

“Your voices sound like a kid,” I mumbled when I heard them chatting. The language they used and even the tone of their voices were very different in 2017. I began to realize that my attitude and the language I used had slightly changed to follow my old habits.

“Hey, what do you mean? You’re just like us. Don’t act all grown-up,” Elin protested angrily.

“Yeah, Lilika, stop pretending to be so mature.”

“Sorry, sorry,” I apologized, pleading. “I was just kidding earlier. Please forgive me. Will you forgive me?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Let’s go to class. The bell will ring soon. Mrs. Elisabeth will get upset again.”

“Okay!”

Agreeing, we went to class. In the class, Elin continued teaching Shella her math assignment while I was busy playing with my smartphone.

“Hey, Elin. By the way, what’s your dream?” I started to interrupt Elin, who was teaching Shella. It seemed like Shella’s progress was not so fast. The questions from Mr. Gunardi were notoriously difficult for students ranked 15 and up, and Shella was certainly not the most stellar student in the class. I saw Shella almost shedding tears, listening to Elin’s scolding, which was similar to a teacher scolding her student.

“Huh? A doctor. Why, Lily?”

“Well, is it fun being a doctor?”

“It’s fun. You can help people. Plus, the salary is good. And you get to wear a white coat. You work in an air-conditioned place all the time. It’s just nice.”

“Have you ever seen a doctor’s life? You talked like you have experienced it.”

“I have.”

“Didn’t you want to be a contractor?”

“How do you know?” Elin asked suspiciously.

“Well, you’ve said that before, I think,” I replied. Actually, she had never said that before. I simply asked because her math score was good.

“My dad is a contractor, but my mom is a doctor. That’s why I’m confused. But it’s better to be a doctor. According to my dad, working as a contractor can be really tough, especially when you start, and it can be hot. So I prefer to be a doctor.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Good afternoon, kids!” Mrs. Elizabeth entered the classroom and greeted us.

“Good afternoon, teacher!” We said good afternoon, sounding like a memorized melody, with each note sung in unison, resembling a professional choir. It felt nostalgic when I repeated the greeting that I had stopped saying since I was in the 8th grade.

“Okay, today, I will discuss your aspirations, kids. What do you want to be when you grow up? A pilot? Singer? Artist? Contractor?” Mrs. Elizabeth said. Her words were exactly the same as 16 years ago.

“What’s a contractor, Miss?” Henry, a kid from the urbanized village, asked.

“Don’t you know? If someone likes to rent houses, they’re called a contractor,” Shella said with her innocent face. “Because they sign the contract to rent that house monthly!”

“HAHAHA!” The whole class burst into laughter, some even mocking Shella for her innocence. Only I didn’t laugh but smiled slightly. This event repeated itself. The event from 16 years ago.

“You didn’t listen to us earlier, did you, Shella?” I said to Shella.

“Huh?”

“We were talking about a contractor earlier. You were staring at your book, then your phone. After staring at the book, you stared at your phone.”

“Sorry.”

“A contractor is not someone who likes to rent houses, Shella. A contractor is someone who builds houses. Not just houses, but also bridges, buildings, and roads—everything is built by contractors,” Mrs. Elizabeth explained again with a smile.

“Okay, so what are your dreams, kids?”

“Doctor!” “Entrepreneur!” “Accountant!” All the voices echoed, showing how enthusiastic the children were in expressing their individual dreams.

“Okay, settle down, everyone! I will distribute dream sheets. Now, on this paper, write down your aspirations. If you don’t understand the name of your dream, for example, someone who works in a workshop fixing other people’s motorcycles or someone who works on a plane serving food to passengers, you can ask me.”

The papers were distributed—HVS sheets with a black border, photocopied with a large title: “WHAT IS YOUR DREAM?”

“Don’t forget to write down why you chose that dream; don’t be lazy. One page must be filled!” Mrs. Elizabeth said with a stern tone.

“Nooo, Mrs.”

“Don’t rebel. Now, write!” With a faint murmur of complaint, the children began to write down their dreams. Some children went forward and asked Mrs. Elizabeth for some details about their dreams.

My Dream to Become a Doctor

I want to become a doctor. Being in a sterile white room, examining patients. Doctors can have various specialties. There are surgeons, pediatricians, and even veterinary doctors. The kind of doctor I aspire to be is one who consistently saves human lives. Armed with standard cold medicine until surgical tools, a doctor will always strive to heal their patients.

Being a doctor is not only about having a substantial income, but it also allows me to showcase myself in a white coat. In any case, being a doctor looks outstanding and impressive. Moreover, doctors are sure to enter heaven because they love helping and saving others. Personally, I feel happy when I see others joyful and healthy.

I am good at biology. I am confident that if I continue to study, I can enroll in a prestigious university like Harvard. During college, I aim to complete my studies in 5 years, or even faster if possible. After becoming a doctor, I will seek a practice license. After that, I plan to specialize to increase my income. It may take a long time, but I enjoy helping people. I am sure I can become a successful doctor.

In the future, my job will involve listening to patients’ complaints and providing suitable medications. That will be my daily routine. The type of doctor I dream of being is a surgeon. Being able to use surgical tools to save lives, just like what I see on television. I might be a little afraid of blood, but I believe I will get used to it.

When I grow up and become a successful doctor, I want to marry another doctor. If possible, we can date during college and get married after achieving success. Eventually, I hope to have two children. That way, maybe I can live happily forever.

When I was about to stand up, confidently raising my hand to submit the dream paper I had finished writing, a small girl in black suddenly appeared again. I felt this little devil would give me the pocket watch again.

“Hey!” Rara’s appearances are always sudden, but this time, I wasn’t surprised, unlike the first time we met. I no longer fell to the floor in fright.

“What’s up?”

“Here’s the watch.” Rara handed me the watch again, indicating that I had the power to turn back time again.

“Hey, Rara. Does this mean the watch will return to you every time I use it?”

“Yes. So?”

What is Rara’s purpose in giving me the watch? Maybe she wants to see me on the brink of destruction and then leave me and the watch behind? But it’s strange; when I was a disabled artist, and the band failed, she still gave me the watch.

“Why?” Rara tilted her head in confusion at my question.

“Oh, never mind. It’s okay.” I replied. It’s not good to accuse without evidence.

“Sure about becoming a doctor?”

“Becoming a doctor is safe. Unlike when I was an artist, there’s no stumbling. Plus, it is a stable job with a stable income and not dependent on fans.”

“Yeah, anyway, the contract for this watch belongs to you. Whether you want to use it or not, it’s up to you. No need to fear; if I don’t give the watch and it’s considered a contract violation again, I promise unlimited use of this power. So, do you accept?” Rara handed me the watch, presenting it to my face.

“Okay then. I’ll take this watch. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You already know how to use it, right?”

“I do.”

“Then, no need for further explanation. I’m leaving now. I have some administrative business in hell.”

“Does Hell have administrative work?”

“Don’t ask me. Ask the bosses down there if you go to hell and apply to become my subordinate.”

“Who would want to go to hell? You’re crazy. Is it nice there?”

“Yeah, it’s not nice. It is scorching hot. That’s why when I have no work, I like to chill here.”

“If it’s not nice, why are you still there?”

“Well, that’s the duty assigned by the higher-ups. Okay, it’s getting late.”

“Bye-bye.”

“Bye.”

Rara disappeared again, engulfed by flames this time. She sure loved this movie’s lookalike special effects. The first time I met her was like that, too. I became curious about the appearance of hell where Rara works. Hmm, from her character, it seems she’s a kind devil.

RING! The school bell rang, indicating the end of school. On that paper, I had written my dream. Being a doctor is my second dream after being a singer. As I walked home, I pondered.

It took about 13 years for me to become a famous actress, and at that time, Elin was still in college. According to Elin, it took about 5 more years for her to get a practice license. If I walk the same path as her, I would need another 15 years of studying starting from now. And that doesn’t even include the practice license.

“Never mind. Just go with the flow. I can do it. Still better than being a failed artist.”

-------------------------19 Years Later--------------------------

19 years have passed. A much longer time than when I was an artist and part of a band. Now, I am 31 years old. An age that can no longer be considered young. My current job is as a surgeon, working with my friend Elin at Gatot Sudirman Hospital.

“Hello, Lily.”

“Hello.”

“I’m in my 30s now, Lily. It’s time for me to find a boyfriend. Being an old maid is not fun, right?”

“How many years have you been a doctor? Getting married is tough. Maternity leave would be a hassle.”

“I meant finding a boyfriend, not getting married. You don’t have one yet, right?”

“Not yet.”

“So, you had a chance with Tony, but it didn’t work out?”

“I checked his phone, and it turns out he has a lot of female friends. I’m not interested.”

“Why? Having a lot of friends is not a sin. Are you accusing him of being a cheater?”

“Being just friends is fine. But it seems like they’re not just ordinary friends. Judging from how the girl talks to him on WhatsApp and BBM, they seem really close.”

“Is it just you jumping to conclusions, maybe?”

“No, it’s not. It’s just the way they talk. I’m sure he’ll think I’m not important. When he gets bored, he’ll find someone new.”

“Seems like a flirtatious guy, huh?”

“Yes. Guys like him, when they talk to a girl, there’s always some affection. They tease and joke in a somewhat suggestive manner. It’s like that with every girl.”

“Well, in that case, maybe you shouldn’t date him. Keep your distance.”

“Exactly what I said before, right? he is a no-good guy..”

“Yeah, sorry, sorry,” Elin said, then glanced at her watch and immediately stood up. “Sorry, Lily, I have to go. I have an appointment with a patient soon.”

“Okay. Bye.”

I glanced at my phone while sipping a cup of coffee at the cafe before me.

“Usually, when I’m alone like this, that little devil shows up. Where is that demon?” I said, looking around, trying to find a certain someone not from this world.

“Wow, now you can predict when I’ll appear?” Someone who always seemed to appear out of nowhere greeted me once again. The girl was dressed in black, with a scythe and crow wings. Clock hands adorned her pupils. She looked the same all this time—cute and creepy.

“Want some cake?” I said with a smile, offering a rainbow cake.

“Wait a moment.” She ran to the toilet and came out looking like a regular child. “I can’t eat unless I’ve turned back into a human.”

“Here. Take it. I’m already full.”

“Thanks, Sister Lilika,” She said with a smile. Her innocent demeanor always surprised me. If I hadn’t seen her previous form, I wouldn’t doubt that she was a genuinely innocent and kind child.

“Your acting is good. Very realistic,” I praised.

“Well, of course. There’s training on how to infiltrate the human world.”

“I want to see it.”

“It’s better not to. I don’t even want to go there,” She said with a smile.

“Okay. Bye, Rara.”

“Goodbye.” I bid farewell and returned to the hospital. My short break time would end soon.

My perspective has changed now. I don’t see Rara as a demon to be opposed. Perhaps she’s a good demon. Hmm, in this life and the previous one, she has kept her promise. Just observing and never bothering me. Maybe her habit of only appearing when no one else is around is to prevent me from being considered crazy. Nobody could see her after all.

“It’s quiet today,” I commented as I looked at my practice room. Although we are in the same hospital, Elin’s workplace always seems busier than mine. But it’s understandable. She is indeed more competent than me if you look at her GPA.

“Good afternoon, doctor.”

“Good afternoon. What’s up?”

“Ah, this is the next patient. He came with his mother. Here is their name and complaint. For more details, you can ask directly. Can I let the patient in now?”

“Oh, yes. Please let them in.”

A few minutes later, the patient arrived, a small child with their mother.

“Good afternoon. So, what’s the complaint?” I asked.

“Good afternoon, doctor. So, here’s the thing. My child just had surgery. According to Dr. Elin, she said my child needs to undergo routine examinations once a week.”

“Oh, let me read the child’s data first.”

Hmm, Pedro, 11 years old, has a blockage in the vein blood vessels. Weighs 85 kg. Blood type B. Operated on May 20, 2024. About 2 months ago. Routine examinations include blood and urine tests, followed by medication based on complaints and laboratory test results. The recommended diet includes avoiding meat, fat, nuts, and limiting carbohydrate intake. Increase the consumption of vegetables and fruits.

“Hmm. Ma’am, has the diet recommended by Dr. Elin been implemented?” I glanced at the plump child.

“Um. Yes, but what can I do, ma’am. My child loves to eat. If given vegetables, he simply refuses. He threw a tantrum if not given his favorite food now and then,” she said.

“Okay. So, the diet hasn’t been implemented. How about exercise?”

“Well, he excised about once a week for about an hour.”

Well, if it’s like this, how can he recover? I thought. However, since I was trying to be polite, I continued with my diagnosis.

“Does your child have any drug allergies?”

“No, doctor.”

“Hmm. Okay. The routine checkup is fine. But I need to inform you that this diet is crucial, ma’am. If not followed, there could be another blood vessel blockage.” Then, I took a piece of paper and wrote down a few prescriptions. Antibiotics and some body management drugs with low doses should suffice.

“Here are a few medication prescriptions. And also instructions on how to take them.”

“Okay, thank you, doctor. Also, my child complains of pain at night. Sometimes, it’s hard for him to even sleep as he groans in pain.”

“Oh. In that case, wait a moment. I’ll add more medication. But this one is to be taken only when the surgical wound hurts, okay?” Then, I added a painkiller to the prescription.

“Okay. Thank you, doctor.” Then, the mother left.

After that, I made rounds with several inpatients and provided some recommendations to the attending nurses.

--------------------------------------

Saturday. I have no plans today. Invitations to Elin were usually rejected. She was too busy to attend parties or have fun at the Mall. Maybe I can invite Stella? Let me give it a try.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Lily. Why are you calling?”

“I don’t have any plans this Saturday. Want to hang out?”

“Hmm, okay. That’s rare. Aren’t doctors supposed to be busy?”

“Lately, there are a lot of healthy people. Hahaha,” I joked a bit.

“Okay. Is Elin joining?”

“Nope. Important people aren’t easily invited to have fun, not just on Saturdays. Even on Sundays, she receives emergency calls. There could be a sudden surgery or a patient in the emergency room requiring immediate assistance. Understandably, she’s the golden child here.”

“Oh, I see.”

“How about going to the Mall?”

“Sure, sure. Tomorrow, okay? The boss is coming, so I need to hang up. Bye.” Stella immediately hung up.

“Wow. Invite me to the Mall too,” I heard a very familiar voice behind me.

“You again! Are you following me or something? Don’t you have other tasks?”

“Well, this is my job,” she replied innocently.

“Meaning?” I said suspiciously.

“My task is to observe people on Earth. I noted down who was sinful now so god can judge fairly later.”

“Oh, I see. In that case, observing from a distance is better. Seeing you makes me uncomfortable.”

“Okay then. Bye.”

In that instant, Rara, the little demon who gave me a miracle, the power to turn back time disappeared. She admitted to being a demon, but I didn’t sense any malicious intent from her. She was different from the demons or devils in fiction. She has no ill intent, and she has been helpful to me so far. In fact, I should be grateful to her because, through her, I could relive this life and avoid some of the misfortunes that befell me before.

But looking at my life now, well, I’ve been quite successful in the medical field. However, why did I refuse to become Tony’s assistant director back then? If I considered the prospects, being an assistant director would probably earn a higher salary than being a doctor. Rara also said so. I must have been foolish to reject it at that time and then go back simply because I was disappointed in him that ruined our dream band. In this cycle, I have to work independently and study day and night for medical school. However, I didn’t become a neurosurgeon like Elin. I was merely seen as her support character. Most of my patients were passed from her, too.

“Don’t dwell on what has happened. It’s useless,” I muttered while patting my cheek with both hands to snap myself out of my reverie. Then, I tidied up the scattered files on my desk and headed home.

---------The Next Day ---------

Following the promise we made yesterday, Shella came in her T-shirt and jeans. The two of us went to several boutiques to check out new clothes. After that, we went to a cafe to talk about things from the past.

There was a lot I discussed with Shella about our past because we rarely met since I entered medical school. The challenging nature of medical school hindered us from gathering and chatting like we are doing now.

First, Shella talked about her life, once again as an accountant, although in a different company than I remembered in a previous life. Meanwhile, I also chatted about myself, starting from my time in medical school until becoming a doctor alongside Elin.

Currently, Shella is in a relationship with Henri and will be getting married next month. Her life was almost similar to my first life when I became a successful idol and actress. I also asked if she was satisfied with her current life as an accountant. Shella doesn’t seem as enthusiastic about being an accountant as Elin was about being a doctor. She is more easygoing. She admits that if she could choose another job with a higher salary, she would pursue a different profession.

I asked her what she wanted in life. Did she want success? Did she aim to become the CEO of the company she worked at? She denied it. What Sheila really wanted was a peaceful job. She didn’t want a busy job filled with risks and stress like being a director or a doctor. Shella wanted to live a simple life with a stable job and a fixed income. Before becoming an accountant, Shella applied for a civil servant position, but because being an accountant in this company offers a higher salary, she chose to be an accountant.

Listening to Shella’s story left me a bit stunned. A peaceful and serene life, huh? Unlike Elin or me, who were enthusiastic about chasing our dreams, Shella only wanted a tranquil life. Being a housewife with 1 or 2 children and living a peaceful life was what she desired. She also didn’t seem too interested in the oil palm plantation owned by Henri because she only found out about Henri’s family having the plantation two years after they started dating. In her eyes, the money from the oil palm plantation was just a guarantee that her life and Henri’s life would be stable.

The day was approaching evening when I finished talking with Shella at the cafe. As it was getting late, we decided to head home. Shella and I were not the type to splurge, so we only bought 1 or 2 new clothes that caught our attention, and the rest of the time, we spent just window shopping at the Mall.

“A peaceful life...” Shella’s statement at the Mall made me ponder again on my bed at home. All this time, I only wanted success, thinking that everyone else was the same. Indeed, there’s hardly anyone in this world who would deny that they want success. But apparently, there were people like Shella. Although she still wanted success, there was something more important than success: the tranquility of personal life. I didn’t want to be like that because I had dreams and wanted to fulfill them, but I started to understand why Shella seemed less enthusiastic compared to Elin or me when pursuing a music career. I began to understand and admire her now.

------------- A Week Later-------

“Excuse me, we are from the police. Is Dr. Maria Lilika here?” Several police officers in uniform visited the hospital counter where I work. I, who happened to have just finished lunch and was heading back to my practice room, greeted them upon hearing my name mentioned.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“Are you Dr. Maria Lilika?”

“Yes, that’s me. What’s the matter?”

“Could you come with us for a moment? You are accused of malpractice.” One of the police officers handcuffed me.

“Wait a moment.” I tried to resist, shocked to see the police suddenly handcuffing me and leading me out.

“If you object, it can be discussed later in court with your lawyer. We are just carrying out our duty. You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can be used against you in court,” The police officer spoke formally, not loosening his grip on my handcuffed hands, followed by several of his subordinates who were guiding me from behind. With that, I was led to the police car parked in front of the hospital door.

In an instant, I found myself in jail—a terrifying place I had never been before. This must be a misunderstanding. What did I do wrong? Malpractice? Lately, the hospital hasn’t had any severe patients. Only patients with minor illnesses came, and those patients were not under my care. Why was I accused of malpractice?

“Hey, look, there’s a new person.” One of the inmates sneered.

“Miss, is it your first time in jail? What did you do?” another inmate asked playfully; his dirty clothes explained how life had been for him.

“No, I haven’t done anything wrong,” I replied nervously.

“Everyone says that when they’re new. Relax, miss. We won’t mock you here. We’ve got all sorts of criminals, from murderers over there, to prostitutes in that cell opposite of here. We even have drug dealers and even small fry thieves gathered here. Just relax. You will get used to it. Hahaha,” another inmate teased, delighted as if they had a new friend in their prison cell.

“What are you accused of?” I asked while still crouching at the edge of the prison cell.

“I was deceived. Someone ran away with the company’s money where I work. That’s how it is,” he said succinctly. It seemed like she didn’t want to delve into this issue any further.

“Oh, I see,” I responded. It appeared that he was a victim, not a criminal.

“So, what about you? Your clothes look like a doctor’s.”

“Malpractice.”

“Oh, I see.”

“There must be a mistake. I never felt like I made a wrong diagnosis. I’m sure I’ll be free soon,” I reassured myself.

“Really? If you’re wrong, just admit it,” another inmate sarcastically remarked. I remained silent, not bothering to engage with someone like them. We’ll see in court soon.

-------- Three Days Later -----------

Three days have passed. After going through various processes accompanied by the lawyer I hired three days ago, it was finally decided that the trial would begin today. As it turns out, the party accusing me of malpractice is the mother of a patient whom I allegedly treated. The patient in question turned out to be an overweight child whom I had diagnosed before. A patient that was thrown my way by Elin.

“The trial of the Jakarta District Court examining criminal case number XXX in the name of Maria Lilika on Monday, the 25th, is declared open.” the judge declared as he struck his gavel into the sounding block.

Upon hearing the judge’s statement, I entered the courtroom accompanied by my lawyer. Dread filled me when the judge began reading the charges, and my lawyer defended me as best as possible. However, the prosecutor remained steadfast in their demand. Their words echoed from one ear to another. All I can recall is when the child approached me. I ignored them, and I admit it was a mistake, but it seemed like such a minor one.

“Your Honor, the defendant is proven guilty of giving the wrong prescription, causing the child of Mrs. Kristianti to die.”

“Ms. Lilika gave the medication as it should have been given. The incident that befell the woman’s child is a tragedy, a freak accident. Miss Lilika was innocent,” said my lawyer.

“We have evidence that Ms. Lilika was wrong in administering medication or performing procedures that a doctor should have done. This is the evidence,” said the prosecutor while showing a medicine bag. “This is a painkiller. If this painkiller had not been given, arterial bleeding after the operation could have been prevented.”

“In that case, it means the surgery was wrong,” said the defending lawyer.

“Your Honor, let’s call the relevant witness. Ms. Elin, the doctor who operated on my client’s child.” Elin entered and took a seat as a witness.

“All right, Ms. Elin, what is your opinion on Ms. Lilika’s handling of the mentioned patient?” said the prosecuting attorney.

“Um... I have previously informed the patient that there might be pain in the chest area where the operation was performed. If such a thing happens, it is expected to be taken to the hospital immediately because there is a possibility of arterial bleeding after the operation.”

“You didn’t answer my question. I asked about Ms. Lilika’s handling of the patient.”

“Um.. ideally, if there is pain or discomfort... then there should be a check with X-rays or MRI first. Especially after the operation because the risks of surgery are like that.”

“Well, Your Honor. It is already apparent that Ms. Lilika was negligent in handling the patient. Instead of checking first, Ms. Lilika directly prescribed a painkiller. This is a negligence that resulted in the patient’s death.”

“Objection, Your Honor. This patient is not directly under Ms. Lilika’s care but was a patient referred by Ms. Elin because Ms. Elin was not present when the patient complained. The hospital’s medical records do not contain any notes or warnings about the risks of the surgery that would require Ms. Lilika to take the procedures or actions as Ms. Elin described.”

“Very well. The evidence and witnesses are sufficient. The trial is temporarily closed and will be continued with the reading of the verdict.”

“The judge’s decision will be read shortly.” The judge began reading the verdict after some time of deliberation.

“It is hereby decided that the defendant, Ms. Maria Lilika, is found guilty of her negligence, resulting in the death of Mrs. Kristianti’s child. For her negligence, Ms. Maria Lilika is sentenced to 6 months in prison, and her medical practice license is revoked for the next 7 years.”

“Only 6 months? My child died, and this doctor only gets a 6-month sentence? What is this?” The grieving mother who sued me screamed for justice.

I lost everything. Even though I am free from prison, I can no longer help others. My medical license has been revoked, and I’ve been to jail. I can’t open my practice at home anymore. Moreover, which hospital would accept a doctor with a criminal record? Do I have to wait for 7 years? What am I supposed to do during that time?

“Lily, based on the hospital regulations, doctors involved in legal matters will be terminated. I’m sorry.” The voice of Elin’s parents, the hospital owners, informed me as I left the courtroom.

“Elin, I thought we were friends,” I muttered as I turned to Elin, who stood next to her parents.

“What else can I do, Lily? You’re a surgeon; you should know about issues like this. I’m just telling the truth.”

I looked at Elin with a sense of envy. Indeed, she’s smarter than me as a neurosurgeon. But the patient who died was her patient, not mine. Why am I the one sentenced to prison? Shouldn’t it be Elin who is punished for abandoning her duties? Acting all high and mighty going on assignments to hospitals outside the city.

Click

The sound of Rara’s pocket watch was heard again as I activated it. Once again, I rewound time back to my elementary school days.

“Going back again?” Rara visited me in the time room. This was my third time in this place. That means I’ve relived my life twice. If counted, how many decades have I lived? 40? 50?

“Yes. It’s futile. I lost in court. It means I have to go to jail and lose my medical practice license. Even if I could appeal, it usually only reduces the sentence rather than eliminating it.”

“Okay, well, if that’s your decision. Just making sure before you really rewind time, just in case you change your mind. But if your mind is made up, then okay. Good luck.”

“Thank you.”