Cycle 2: Singer

“Hey, Lilika. Can you help me with this?” my friend Shella asked for assistance.

I glanced around. This was my old school. The situation that occurred 13 years ago was repeating itself. Memories that had long been buried slowly began to resurface.

“Shella?” I saw Shella waiting for my response.

“What’s up, Lily?”

“What’s the date today?”

“27 April, 2005.”

I had truly returned. My body was the same as when I was a fifth-grader. Rara had indeed managed to take me back to the past. That nightmare had stopped. When I rubbed my face, it was all smooth with no blemish to be felt. I held back tears as Shella kept asking me about her math problems.

“So, Lily, can you help me or not?”

“With what?”

“This one. The parallelogram problem. Number 3.”

“Hmm. I forgot, Shella. Try asking Elin.” I replied.

“Ugh. You have become stupid, Lily. Elin!” Shella turned away from me and called Elin, our class’s number two smartest student. The way she betrayed me and turned to others made me scrunched my face.

“Yes, Shella?” Elin, who sat three desks away, came to Shella.

“Help me with this, please,” Shella asked again. This situation was exactly like 14 years ago. Even when I looked at the problem Shella asked me about, it was the same as before. Although now, I had forgotten how to answer that question.

I saw Elin enthusiastically helping Shella, reminding me of my past. A beautiful time when I didn’t have to worry about popularity, about my face, and about tomorrow.

RING-RING! The bell rang. We quickly entered the classroom.

“Good afternoon, kids!” Mrs. Elizabeth entered the class and greeted us.

“Good afternoon, teacher!” The kids greeted the teacher with a tone that made me nostalgic.

Throughout the lesson, Mrs. Elizabeth repeated the exact words I remembered from 13 years ago. Not only that, but the jokes made by the kids remained unchanged, like Henri asking again what a contractor was and Shella answering casually. Everything was replicated exactly as I remembered.

After all the discussions were done, Mrs. Elizabeth handed back the bond paper with the title “WHAT IS YOUR DREAM?” written on it.

I distinctly remember what I wrote back then. I wanted to become an idol. And now, in this paper, I will write that I want to become a musician. I had a bad experience becoming an idol, but I still love music.

Musician

I want to become a musician. By being a musician, I can bring songs to many people. With the piano or violin, I will play music that can comfort weary hearts, enliven the atmosphere of joy. In essence, the melody I desire is one that will make everyone happy.

I am skilled at playing the piano. I have been practicing for 2 years. I can read some sheet music, and I can play some songs if I know the musical notes. Although I may not be proficient in improvisation yet, I believe that with a few more years of practice, I will have the opportunity to win competitions or contests.

With my music, I can entertain others. Basically, I won’t be confined to just one place. I want to perform in great venues like starred hotels and television stages. However, I also want to play on the street where I can directly entertain others. I am confident that the songs I create will touch everyone.

As I grow older, I want to lead an orchestra conducted by my husband. Besides the piano, I will also play the violin. Since the first time I heard the sound of the violin and piano, I have liked their soft and soothing tones.

And I handed that paper to Mrs. Elizabeth. Becoming a pianist might be the right path for me. When I was an actress before, I often played musical instruments too, although it was never exposed by the media.

“Lilika, earlier you dreamed of becoming a pianist, right?” Elin asked.

“Yes, what’s the matter, Lin?”

“I know a pianist is someone who plays the piano.”

“Not just the piano. More precisely, I wrote musician earlier. So, I’m not just playing the piano. I play other musical instruments too. What’s the matter, Elin?”

“So, how are you going to become a musician later? If there are many people who can play musical instruments like the guitar and piano. But when we talk about musicians, I only see 3-4 people on television.”

For a moment, I was silent. Elin was right. How do you become a musician? Unlike idols, a musician’s salary is much smaller unless I join a band. Moreover, the comparison between successful actresses and successful musicians is much smaller for musicians. So, my dream of becoming a musician is actually more challenging than the dream of becoming an actress, right? You can’t be a musician alone. I have to be with someone to form a band.

“Hmmm, how about it? I don’t know either. If, for example, I can’t become a musician, maybe I’ll form a band.”

“Oo, a band. Give me the ticket to your concert later, okay? I will come to watch it.” Shella chirped in.

“What about you, Elin? Still want to be a doctor?”

“Of course. Being a doctor is my dream and always be. No matter what. I have wanted to become a doctor ever since kindergarten because my father was also a doctor! I don’t want anything else. Because the salary is big, and it’s cool,” Elin replied proudly, puffing out her chest. Wow, I envy her enthusiasm.

------------------10 Years Later------------------

Ten years have passed by. My middle school days are almost forgotten, but when I entered high school, my boyfriend Toni invited me to join a band. Since then, our band, which initially consisted of 3 members (one vocalist, one organist, and one guitarist), has now expanded to 6 members. The last three members joined at the end of high school and the second semester at Atmajaya University.

“Hey, Lilika. Why are you daydreaming all the time? Practice a bit, will you?” said Boni, my bandmate, scolding me because I seemed lazy during band practice.

“Yeah, Boni. Patience. I’m just taking a breather. You go ahead and practice alone for now. I’ll join when we practice together later.” Honestly, I’m too lazy to practice because some members of this band have skills far below mine. Our band, Persona, has already released two albums and is quite well-known in the community. However, the band is still not meeting my expectations. It was lackluster. We couldn’t reach higher somehow.

"Lilika doesn't need to practice, Boni. She’s been playing the piano and organ since elementary school. Not like you, who just started playing drums two years ago,” said Rere.

“Instead of criticizing others, it’s better to criticize yourself, Boni. Your tempo is always the one getting lost,” added Vina.

“Enough, no need to fight. Let’s practice together again, okay? Remember, the most important thing in this band is practicing together. Our greatness lies in our teamwork and spirit. It’s pointless to have skilled members if we’re not cohesive,” said Tony. With that, we practiced together again for half an hour in Tony’s room. When we were done, Tony, my new boyfriend, and I went home together.

“Hey, why do you keep someone like Boni in the band? He’s always lazy during practice and blaming others,” I told Tony on the bus heading to my house. The time was already 7 PM.

“Don’t worry about it, honey. Despite his attitude, I can see his enthusiasm for our band. Consider this: he’s been playing for just a year, and he’s already reached this level. Unlike others who have a musical background – like you, who started playing since elementary school, Vina, who practiced choir, and me, who played the guitar since junior high and took private lessons – he lacks that musical foundation. So, try to understand his situation.”

“Well, if you say so. Boni’s playing is still better than Doni’s, even though they joined at the same time. But that critic of his really hurts.” I replied while comparing him with other newer members.

“It means he loves and cares about our band. Anyway, we’re almost at your house.”

“Okay, bye, dear.”

“Bye,” with a light peck on the cheek, today finally passed. It really didn’t feel like it. Ten years have passed just like that. When I was an idol, my income was almost in the millions. But in this band, our earnings were barely enough. I did want to be a musician and a pianist. But, since I didn’t pass the audition, I played in a band while waiting to finish my economics management studies, counting it as gaining experience. I promised myself that after finishing my studies, I would rechallenge the pianist audition and become a real musician under the leadership of a famous orchestra.

“Hello.”

“Oh, Rara. I didn’t see you before I took a shower. You appeared out of nowhere like a ghost,” I teased. Indeed, she’s not a ghost but a supernatural being who should be more evil and cruel. However, looking at her face and her relaxed demeanor, she doesn’t seem dangerous at all.

Moreover, thanks to her, I could repeat this life. This life was so much better than becoming an idol. I had a much more stable life. The only thing that made me uncomfortable was her appearance, which always resembled that of a 10-year-old girl.

“Hush. I’m not a ghost; I’m a devil. Please don’t compare me to some low-level ghost. It’s like comparing a CEO and a cashier, you know. It’s insulting!”

“Yeah, yeah,” I observed her movements. “Rara, by the way, why does your face always look like that of a child? Do all devils in hell look like you?”

“No, not at all. Devils are spirits, so their appearance can be whatever the devil likes.”

“Oh, I see. In that case, how old are you now?” I asked, curious. I imagined that this child might be tens or even hundreds of years old. Just thinking about living for hundreds of years already gives me the shivers.

“Hmmm, it’s a secret.” She smiled at me. I had a feeling her age was also a secret, but when she told me that, it only fueled my curiosity further.

“Seriously, how old are you?”

“12 years old!” she said enthusiastically, and it was clear from her facial expression that it was a lie.

“Whatever, if you don’t want to tell me.”

“To be honest, I’ve forgotten how old I am. So even if you force me to answer, I can’t be certain. Besides, in hell, there’s no calendar, so I don’t know.”

"No seniority in hell, huh?" I teased. “In movies or books, those who are older usually have more power and are more formidable.”

“There is, but it’s not based on age. It’s based on strength. The strong ones lead.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Okay, change of topic. How’s life?”

“It’s okay now.”

“Don’t want to be an actress or idol again?”

“Hmm. Comparatively, being an actress and idol was still better. But thinking about it, I prefer living like this. It’s more peaceful.”

“Oh, I see. Well then, I wish you success. I want to see how your life unfolds on this path. Bye.” She then walked and disappeared through the wall, heading who knows where. 

I vividly recalled my conversation with Rara. As I contemplated the pros and cons between my current life and my past life, I recognized both gains and sacrifices. In my previous life, I constantly juggled work, leaving me with little time for personal activities such as dating and studying. I had a boyfriend back then too, but our relationship wasn’t as close as I had imagined. Perhaps it was a form of divine justice. I worked tirelessly, sacrificed much, and achieved success. Unfortunately, the accident had to occur. If only I had returned to being a singer and declined just one performance, I might still be leading a successful life in music. Ahh, but reliving those challenging 12 years dampened my spirits. I was uncertain if I could recreate precisely what happened 12 years ago. For instance, some performances were determined by lottery. Well, life is better now. I lead a peaceful existence with an ordinary band.

“Good Night.” I sent a brief SMS to my boyfriend, receiving an even shorter “GN honey” in response. His text implied he was just as tired as I was right then. Finally, the day came to an end. I fell asleep with my phone still in hand.

“Oi Lilika!” exclaimed Shella, my friend since elementary school who studied with me at this university. Just like before, she opted for an accounting major and still worked part-time as a cashier at a supermarket.

“Eh Shella. Hello,” I replied listlessly.

“Eh. You seemed so down. I know we had a morning class, but could you show a little enthusiasm?”

“I’m tired, you know. Yesterday, I practiced with Tony the whole day.”

“Oh, practicing together. No wonder you look exhausted.”

“After this, we have Mr. Tarno’s class. His lectures are so boring; if you fall asleep in class, you might risk getting another C grade.”

“Hah, you always want to be in the band.”

“Well, yeah. My intention is in music. I went to college because my parents told me to.”

“Okay, but at least make your parents happy.”

“Don’t worry, Shella. You know my grades. At least my GPA is still above 3.”

“Well, yeah, but lately, you’ve been lazy about taking notes during lectures, and you’ve started ignoring the teacher’s explanations, right?”

“Do you understand the teacher’s explanations?”

“Not really. But at least try to listen to the lecture.”

“I understand better when you explain. So, please help me.” I said with a smile. “Okay, that’s enough chatting. Let’s go to class.”

The lessons and the lecturer’s words flowed in one ear and out the other. Throughout the class, I stared at the slowly ticking wall clock, eagerly awaiting the end of the lecture. It was an incredibly tedious class. What was the lecturer even talking about? He explained something from topic A, then delved into his own life problems, and suddenly, the lesson he was explaining jumped to Z. It was all so disorganized and unclear. It’s vastly different from school, where teachers consistently explain the problem step by step. In school, daydreaming was always met with reprimands, and misbehavior required students to face punishments. When I reflect on it, I see that the practices of teachers like that are actually beneficial compared to this disorganized nature of college life.

“Now, that’s enough for today’s lesson,” declared the lecturer, without further ado, as he tidied up his writing tools and swiftly exited, followed by other students. I didn’t want to be left behind, so I packed up my things too. Before meeting Tony and the band, perhaps it’s better if I stop by the canteen first. After all, they are only starting to train at one o’clock.

“Lilika.” Tony, Vina, and Doni greeted me from a small eatery in front of the university.

“You finally arrived.”

“Sorry, okay? Did you wait for a long time?”

“Not really. There are still two more people attending class,” Tony said.

“Oh, who are they?”

“Boni and Rere,” Tony said, leaning on the table, sipping his orange juice. “Well, they have longer classes today. Just bear with it.”

“If it continues like this, when will we progress? We only trained for 2 or 3 hours each day. Yet, waiting for everyone to gather can take up to 5 hours. The waiting took too much of our time! We were wasting time. We could have practiced more if the members were punctual.” Vina complained.

“What can we do, Vin? We have different majors. Even if we have the same major, we are in different classes. Some have classes at 8 in the morning, some at 2 in the afternoon. There are even those with night classes,” Tony explained.

“While waiting, what should we do?” I asked in apathy. This was an everyday occurrence.

“Well, snack and play with our phones. You act like you’re waiting for someone here for the first time,” Doni teased.

“Bored. My phone is low on battery. I’m afraid of gaining weight if I snack too much. You’re lucky to be a guy, Doni.”

“Here you go. I’ll lend it to you a charger. I brought 2 chargers, anyway. We can charge it at the rehearsal space. I’ll go first, then it’s your turn; that place only had one socket left after all of our equipment was set up,” Doni said as he took out his phone. While tinkering with his phone, finally, the two people we were waiting for showed up an hour later.

“There they are, finally,” Vina said. “Took you so long. We’ve been waiting forever.” For Tony and Doni, such remarks were understandable since they had been waiting since 9 o’clock, while I had been waiting since 12.

Time seemed to pass quickly. Unbeknownst to me, the day was ending again. Today, I had classes from 8 in the morning until 11. Then I had lunch and gathering with my band members. After that, from 1 in the afternoon, it took more than 2 hours to reach Tony’s garage, where we usually practiced with the band. Finally, I went home at 6, arriving at my house at 8, and now I’m lying back on my bed at 9 in the evening. Upon reflection, Vina’s words are true. Our practice is only 2 to 3 hours, while a lot of time is wasted on transportation and waiting for other friends to finish classes.

Moreover, we can only practice on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday. Although Saturday provides ample time as many compress their class schedules, making Saturday a day off, it’s still not enough. Sometimes, they don’t even come on Saturdays due to family events or dealing with their boyfriends.

“Tony, upon reflection, Vina has a point. I calculated that today we only practiced for 3 hours, with plenty of breaks.”

“Do you have any suggestions, then?”

“Just increase the frequency of our practices. We can sacrifice 1 or 2 classes.”

“It’s not that simple. I know you’re dedicated to the band, but that’s not the way.”

“Well, we’re not making progress. Sure, we’ve produced 2 albums and our performances are smooth, but we’re still just average. We’re not as successful as those top-ranking groups.”

“You can’t rush things like that. It takes patience and continuous effort.”

“But back then…” I wanted to argue about my past, where I could become number one in just 10 years. I sang alone and became a top artist in Indonesia, often invited to many important events. But I was nowhere near the success I had before. All of that belongs to a different time. It’s no longer mine.

“Back then, what?”

“Well, I’ve noticed since we started college, compared to before, it seems like we practice less, and our camaraderie is not as strong as it was in high school. It feels like we’re gathering less and less over time.”

“Well, that’s what college life is, dear. Back in high school, our dismissal times were always the same, so we could carpool and practice together. Unless there were personal issues or private lessons. But those were rare, right?”

“Hah.” I sighed, “Alright. What do you say? Thanks for listening to my rant this time.”

“You’re welcome. Bye. I’m hanging up now.”

I couldn’t deny what Tony said. Everything he mentioned felt like a stab in the heart. What he said was true and hard to dispute. This is the real world, no longer the world of middle and high school. Problems keep coming, and they get heavier over time. So, was my past success merely a gift from God? How could I, just a high school graduate, become a top singer? How could I perform as a featured artist at the SEA Games watched by the whole world? Was my luck run out during that concert? If only that didn’t happen. If only that silly stage was set up correctly. If only the stage designer and stage effects worked properly.

“Lilika? Why the sullen face? Do you want to go back to that time?” Rara came out of nowhere, standing in front of me, staring at me closely.

“Go back? Is it possible?”

“Go back to 27 April 2005, of course. That was our agreement.” She said, half laughing. “You could go back to 27 April 2005 anytime.”

“Can I go back to that moment only? Just a moment before. No. A month before that performance?”

“You can’t. The contract is different. I’ve explained it in detail from the beginning, right? There’s no cheating at all.”

“Well, you’re right.” I nodded. I should be grateful that I could repeat and evade that fate at all. I should not be greedy.

“Hmm, but if you use that clock and repeat what you did before, the path to becoming an actress will reopen.”

Her statement is accurate. If I go back to 27 April 2005, I just need to repeat my previous efforts and return to that stage. However, my mouth can’t say yes. Why don’t I want to repeat what I did before? It’s just a matter of repeating. It should be easier than the first time I became an actress. In fact, with this repetition, I should become a top artist faster and better.

“But honestly, I can’t promise everything will be exactly the same. Even if you go back to 27 April 2005 and try to follow what you did before, fate might say otherwise. There are performances determined by lottery. But with your abilities, I think you can still succeed.”

“Hah? But you said earlier I could repeat...”

“I’m not violating the agreement. The agreement was to send you back to 27 April 2005 whenever and wherever you wanted. But in life, the passage of time from second to second, even the moment we’re talking about right now, is not determined by one person. The passage of time on Earth is determined by all living beings on this planet, from humans, animals, and even the smallest creatures like bacteria and viruses. So I can’t guarantee that if you go back to 27 April 2005, you’ll be exactly back on that stage. But it’s not impossible either. So, it all comes back to you. Do you want to go back or not?”

“No. It’s much better like this. Even though it takes longer, this time, I’m not alone. I have a loyal boyfriend and good friends. I’m sure...” My words stopped, and I rephrased my statement, “We will definitely succeed, even beyond what I achieved before, unlike the past when I was just a fleeting idol. This time, our group is more solid. We will succeed.” Yes, that’s the correct statement. This time, I won’t succeed alone. We, my band, will grow together. And if we fall, then we will surely rise again.

“I like to see your enthusiasm. I hope you succeed. I will always watch over you.”

“You seem very interested in my life journey. Why, Rara?”

“Because you’re unique. Unlike any other human. I gave you a power that no one else in this world possesses. Since then, you’ve been different from the humans out there. I’d be very interested to see your life journey and how you can make changes with your power.”

“Oh. You rarely appeared before because I hadn’t used your given power, right?”

“Exactly. I thought you would become a boring human who just kept that power and would never use it. Or wanted to use it but couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t?”

“For example, if you leave that watch in your drawer at home and then you get into a car accident. Then you wouldn’t be able to use it, right?”

“Oh, I see. So, do you think I should always carry this watch from now on?” I shivered at the possibility. What if that accident on the stage killed me? My career and life would end in a flash.

“No. I’ll be kind. It’s an extra service. If you call my name, then I will bring that watch from the drawer in your house to you. Don’t worry, Lilika. As I promised, you can use this power anytime and anywhere you want. Always carrying that watch seemed silly anyway. You don’t need to rely on that watch anymore.” Rara said while standing up. “Okay, it’s already night. You need to sleep, right? And I don’t intend to watch you sleep. So, I will leave now. Bye, good night.” 

Rara walked towards my room’s door, turned off the light, and disappeared somewhere. Well, as Tony said, things like this don’t need to be overthought, just go with the flow. As long as everyone is willing to make an effort, we will surely succeed. It’s just a matter of time.

--------------------4 years later----------------

“After this, what are you going to do, Shella?”

“Hmm, become an accountant at a bank. I’ve sent applications to several banks. Hopefully, I get accepted. How about you?”

“Well, probably the same as you. Applying to be a company accountant.”

“Not focusing on the band?” Immediately, my body fell silent for a moment.

“Well, the band is a priority. But after this, I want to live independently. I need to have an income.”

“Isn’t the band’s income enough?”

“Well, it’s okay. There’s quite a bit, but it’s not stable. Sometimes, we get a lot, sometimes very little, or none at all. It depends on the orders.”

“Oh, so the other job is like a backup, right?”

“No, not really. It’s just additional income.”

“There you go, your boyfriend and the band are picking you up.” Shella teased me.

“Hey honey,” 

“Hello.”

“Finally graduated,” I said, smiling.

“Yes.”

“Well, you’re lucky, Toni. Lily, you’ve graduated. I still have another year!” said Boni.

“Yes, I still have my thesis,” Vina said.

“How about you, Rere, Doni?”

“Don’t ask. I still have 3 semesters,” Rere replied.

“I still have 2 years left. Planning to pursue a master’s degree.” Doni answered.

“Well, already going for a master’s degree. Looks like we might have a smart person in our group. Maybe their intelligence will contribute to the band too,” said Boni. “Okay, I want to celebrate your graduation later. All of you who haven’t graduated, you may come. I’ll change clothes at home first.”

“Find a nice outfit, Lily. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event,” Tony said.

“Okay. We’ll be there around 7 PM. Get ready; we’ll definitely come,” Doni said.

The graduation party went well. Like any typical formal event, it began with some dull activities, such as thank-you speeches and addresses from various professors and the chancellor. While I used to find all these events boring, today felt different. Unlike Boni and my friends who hadn’t graduated yet, some of whom seemed to be yawning, and a few were even nodding off in the corner, finding the proceedings tedious. Today was different; I heard every word spoken by the chancellor. Everything felt heartfelt and served as a summary of my life in this academic journey.

The event continued into the late night. I chatted with some friends who were about to embark on jobs overseas. I saw some shedding tears as they had to part ways. I was deeply moved to witness them finding their own paths, and success seemed to be within their reach. Could I achieve success again on this path I was taking now? Could I become a successful musician like before?

These questions lingered in my mind until I reached my bed.

“WA!!” The sound of a ghost startled my heart.

“WAAA!!”

“Ehem. How was the graduation party? If I’m not mistaken, it’s called a graduation ceremony, right?”

“My heart feels like it’s about to pop out. If you’re going to startle me, at least not like a ghost. Can’t you give a little privacy?” I said to Rara.

“Okay then. Sorry, sorry.”

“So, what are you doing here?”

“Just looking around. Is it allowed?”

“No, it’s not allowed. Go away. Shoo, shoo,” I said, as if shooing away a cat.

“Well, then. If that’s the case, bye.”

------------------2 years later------------

“KRING KRING! My mobile phone rang. It was a call from my band member.

“Hello, Bon. What’s up? “I answered the call.

“What’s up? Don’t you see the time?’

“Sorry, Bon. I told you before. I might not be able to practice with the band today. My boss is really strict.’

“Are you choosing our band or your low-paying job?” He said harshly. “Now, our band is down to three members—just you, me, and Tony. If you don’t come today, should I play alone?’

“Where’s Tony?’

“He’s the same as you. He has some work left at the office.’

“Oh, okay, then. If that’s the case, the practice needs to be canceled. What can I do? I can’t make it either.’

“Fine. See you tomorrow.’

“Lilika! Are you on the phone again? Your work isn’t finished. Hurry up and input the data, then pass it to Shella. And you, Shella, you better help her. So that both of you can finish quickly. This financial report should have been done since yesterday,’ my supervisor yelled angrily.

“Yes, ma’am. Sorry.’

“You’re always on the phone. Now, I have to deal with it too.’

“Sorry. You understand, right?’

“Do you want to be in the band or work in the office?’

“The band, of course. But what can I do? Now, the band rarely gets orders. So, Tony and I have to work to make an income. Boni is lucky; he’s the son of a businessman, so he has his own business. It’s embarrassing to ask parents for money.’

“Enough already. Just finish the report quickly. Here, let me help. I’ll take care of the data from the 25th to the 30th, and you handle the rest.’

“Okay, thanks.’” nd, of course. But what can I do? Now, the band rarely gets orders. So, Tony and I have to work to make an income. Boni is lucky; he’s the son of a businessman, so he has his own business. It’s embarrassing to ask parents for money.’

“Enough already. Just finish the report quickly. Here, let me help. I’ll take care of the data from the 25th to the 30th, and you handle the rest.”

“Okay, thanks.”

------------------------------------------

I glanced at the clock next to my bed. It was 9 PM. I, who should have been home since 6 PM, had to work overtime for an additional 2 hours to complete my tasks. As I recalled, there was still a pile of data to be entered tomorrow.

KRING!

“Hello, Tony. Why are you calling?”

“Hello, Lilika? Sorry for calling so late.” Tony apologized in a soft voice.

“Yeah. So, what’s up?”

“Lilika, I want to go abroad.” He spoke softly, almost inaudible.

“Huh?”

“Well, my parents said they’re going to establish a branch abroad, and they appointed me as the leader there. They said my job here is unclear, so they want me to settle there right away.”

“Oh, I see. What about our band?”

“I already told Boni. He said it’s better to disband the band. Now, he’s joining another band.”

“And then, what about us?”

“I want you to come with me abroad. There, I’ll appoint you as my personal assistant. What do you think?”

“So, after this, we can’t be in the band anymore? Forever?” My eyes finally started to well up. I could hardly hold back my tears.

“Lily, being a company director is not easy. And you, as my assistant, also have to keep supporting me. So, to be honest, I won’t be able to be in the band anymore. But if you really love being a musician, I can introduce you to some bands there. I could make time for you to pursue your music. But honestly, if you ask me if I can still be in the band, I can’t. It’s probably better for us to let go of our dream of becoming a famous band. Life doesn’t have to revolve around being in a band. We can still succeed in other careers.”

“But this is our dream. Our personal band.”

“Lily, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When else can I become a company director in Singapore?”

The phone I was holding fell silent for a moment before Tony continued speaking.

“So, what do you think? Will you accept it?”

“I need some time to think about it.”

“Okay. I’ll wait for your answer next week. Because we need to be ready by next month.”

“Okay.”

“Sorry if I’m pushing you. I think this is the best path for us. I want to be a successful person, Lily.”

“Okay. Bye.” I hung up the phone while crying. Would my childhood dream of becoming a musician end here?

I had felt something missing in Band Personaku ever since its formation. I sensed that something was lacking, but I ignored it and hoped that my friends would be able to fill that void.

But I was wrong. After Vina, Rere, and Doni left, I realized that the band wouldn’t last long. Why was a band that was once popular now struggling to get orders? Perhaps our audience had grown tired of us. However, when I was a solo artist, I managed to stay at the top for 2-3 years. If only the stage effect wasn’t there. Or if I had worn different shoes, I believe I could have stayed at the peak until the end of my life. Or at least when I was over 30 to 40 years old, when I could retire peacefully.

“Ah.” I rose from my bed and went to my study desk while glancing at Rara’s gifted watch on my book. Despite her words, I still brought the watch and put it where I could see it.

Would I waste these 16 years in vain?

“Oh, are you going to rewind, Lily?”

“Everything is in vain. I don’t want to be like this.”

“But you can become a company representative in Singapore, right?”

“Did you listen to our conversation?”

“Of course. I listen to all your conversations. We demons have the power to see all the movements of humans, including their words.”

“I don’t want to be involved with music anymore. It was a waste of time.”

“Okay. Whether you want to use the watch or not, it’s all your decision. I am just an observer.”

I stared at the watch. I loved music, but there was no hope for me there. I managed to succeed, but it was all gone in a flash. Like a falling star. Bright but fleeting. When I looked at the watch, I pondered. What do I want, really?

“Are you sure? Remember, you might not be able to go back here.”

“Yes, I am sure. My dream here is dead,” I turned the watch, and the world full of watches enveloped me again before I returned to the buried time in my mind.