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NealJohnstone
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Ring Toss - 15

Added 2021-02-22 21:01:00 +0000 UTC

Hi, if you're not up to date on Ring Toss, read the previous chapters here:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1jaJyxh99feCWYyY77VtKuhsLtxzeMWLq?usp=sharing

Thank you all for your support!

Ring Toss - 15

Comments

Yes the rings represent a commitment his friends made. The commitment to put their wives On the line over a hand of poker. This was agreed to by all parties involved including the wives. Pat really needs to stop thinking about it as stealing, He won the bet fair and square.

Nick Cartwright

2021-03-26 05:13:28 +0000 UTC

Thanks as always! Glad you liked that impotently line, it was a fun one to write.

Neal Johnstone

2021-02-23 19:36:32 +0000 UTC

The friendly neighbourhood nitpicker is back for another week of needling criticism! But first, this was an exciting chapter. I know there's been a little bit of acknowledgement from the wives of how weird this is, but to have two of them directly discuss it is upping the ante. If you didn't keep leaving Hot Tub on cliffhangers I think I'd be anticipating the next chapter of Ring Toss this much more often. “I’m sick, pick me up some soup.” (Sorry Win). Actually, No. Not Sorry Win." First, the period in the quotation before Sorry Win should be a comma, since the period that ends that sentence is actually after the parentheses. In the next bit, No shouldn't be capitalized, and then finally, "Sorry Win" should be in quotations like that, even though it's quoting a thought (and given the quote the capitalization is acceptable if not technically correct). "I threatened it, impotently..." Nothing wrong here, I just love the wordplay in impotently threatening his erection. "We headed out of Halifax up to bedford..." Bedford should be capitalized. If I were overly concerned, I would also go back to the first couple chapters and make sure the location of their house is consistent, but seeing as all I remember is they're pretty far from the city proper I'd say it probably fits. "...while I was cumming and shut down that from ever happening again." And should be had. “But if--What Charlotte? Yes, I’m talking to Pat. It’s important, we’re working on-- “I can’t stop her, Pat. Here’s Charlotte.” The fact that this is Rosie is pretty clear from context, but it would be good form to have this as one continuous quote without a line break. “Put Rosie and go do your homework, college girl.” Put Rosie on, or back on, or something similar.

2021-02-22 23:09:47 +0000 UTC

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