#NFT 2

I always told my children when they were growing up that saying sorry was not sufficient, they had to "do sorry". The simple words (though we encouraged those too) or feelings changed nothing but doing things to make it batter did

Terri Reeves

Snap! Mine are likewise teens or nearly so. As for names well there's always the Irish ones and that particular joy for her of seeing people's faces contort as they try to figure out how they are pronounced - Ashling, Aoife, Eimear, Niamh, Nollaig, Siobhan ....

Such a good insight from the professional angle

I blithely write this as a childless woman - someone catch me on this topic again once I have my own kids and remind me of my severely professional opinion on this so we can all have a hearty laugh at my naiveté :P

As a child psychologist who works a fair amount with parents of children, the one thing that's always struck me is just how much guilt seems to be wrapped up in parenting. Guilt about the things that they might do to their child, or things that they have done, or things that they think they maybe did but can't be sure if that was the right thing to do or not, or things that feel they should have done, etc. Over time I started realizing that the first step in any therapeutic setting with parents who are consulting with me about their child is to set the stage that a desire for change or improvement does not actually require guilt - the guilt doesn't drive the desire for change, it usually only gets in the way of them working effectively to find a solution, Obviously it's gross overgeneralization and there are circumstances in which guilt for an action is, in fact, pretty appropriate - but I'm there for the child, not for the parents, and as you reflected in your NFT - people feeling bad about things doesn't actually matter. It's what they do that's important. And if parents can't *do* then their guilt is not helpful to them or their child. But it's a journey getting a parent to realise that :D

A real name and Annette name, did you say? Feel free to ignore this other-than Stella contribution.

Gary W

If we’d had a girl we would have named her Dorothea, for my dad’s mother, and called her Dot. We didn’t, and now we likely won’t. Our son is 5 now, and we often talk about pain and how to treat other people. This evening while we were singing bedtime songs he stopped me because he wanted to tell me that he feels bad that he yells at me sometimes, and so we had a little talk about how being friends doesn’t mean that you never make each other mad; it means that you always make up after. I’ve never wanted to shield him from all pain, I think sometimes pain is a good way to learn a valuable lesson. What I do want is to protect him from pain that is greater than the wisdom it brings, and from any permanent damage. Even then, eventually I’ll fail at that low bar of a goal, and that’s something I just have to live with. I can make sure that he knows that even when he makes me mad, and I don’t particularly like him, I will always love him. Maybe that will be enough to help him recover from the pain I can’t stop.

Ted

This is exactly the look

<img src="https://c10.patreonusercontent.com/4/patreon-comment/eyJ3IjoxNjAwfQ%3D%3D/3bDXM1EZD6ZhVBKSWucvqCVCiLbZFODuYuuskKILGUi0CT1L2QN6ih3BvUMB3qHY.png?token-time=1683676800&token-hash=0fZ6qEF1dcsnj7PSR6wtoP1WB7qHim0PEpyqC2CXVwo%3D"><br>

As for internet name, change it each time you refer to her!! The choices would be endless and the confusion would be quite amusing! That's inspired by a joke/riddle my dad would tell where the carnivore/herbivore/plant would change each time it was referred to as you tried to cross the river without them eating each other. Or just the name of your favorite teacher/aunt/character growing up. Or a really old lady name like Mildred or Agnes!

Middle name Lynn and you have ALF, daughter of ARF. Idk if that's desirable, but I definitely find it amusing! And that is quite a cute image!

Athena is on the short list! Not least because of her little owl eyes looking imperatively at me over the horizon of my boob until she knocks herself out with milk.

Still stuck for names yes! I need names both for Real Life and for Internet Name.

This NFT really got to me due to my experiences over the past two years; not only is there the guilt of hurting someone you care about, but of allowing them to hurt themselves. I cared deeply about my ex-girlfriend and given my privileged life compared to her rough upbringing, I tried to do all I could to keep her from harm and ease her path as she finished school. It sucked my soul out and, in restrospect, dehumanized her. I was finally able to break free of my self-imposed shackles when I began therapy and my therapist helped me see that we cannot protect the ones we love from all harm, particularly self-harm by an independent person. We can care and soothe, but as others grow, we must accept that we are not to blame for the pain they experience, particularly due to their own actions. As a parent, you can just work to instill in them your values to help them grow up well and make good choices. A corollary to this is that, in a sense, pain and suffering can lead to growth. I've seen the children of helicopter parents be unable to rely on themselves as they never learned to - afraid to try new things, to grow, to challenge themselves, to learn to fall and get back up. I didn't have helicopter parents, but due to my book smarts and anxiety, I ended up the same way and suffer for it now. This is just my story that your NFT inspired. You will no doubt be given advice by those much more experienced and knowledgeable than a childless 28 year old single white guy expressing himself on the internet, be that in person or in books/blogs/vlogs/etc. Also, I can't say that I have ever listened to the sounds of a mother and child nursing. It is very intimate and interesting, both her sounds and yours. Thank you for sharing. How about Athena as that is what popped out of my current massive migraine? :P

Bub noises are truly the perfect background for these.

Did you ask for names? Rosalind (Russell)--His Girl Friday actor, sass and brains in abundance? Good luck, I'm sure Andy Z can help if you get really stumped.

J. Schuberth

Love hearing the breathing of your little one. Hugh--yes. I have a teen now and it is so hard to watch him struggle, but I know that is exactly what we all have to do to become humans who can love other humans. Struggle. Please keep these coming Alice. I've always wished that more philosophers were parents. I think they would think about contingency, guilt, responsibility, being human, very differently, if they were doing while a little human breathed on them. Love that you're using the immediate and particular to launch into thoughts about the universal.

J. Schuberth

If by accident you do physically hurt her then instinct will kick in so quickly in terms of dealing with it that you won't have time to feel guilt (at least not immediately). What's harder is when she will be in distress because you deny her something. It's exhausting but you still have to do that (and you're the best judge when that happens) so be strong for that. She has a fine pair of lungs!