Bullying Tips

Happy #antibullying week, patreonites!

We are living with technology that makes it possible to put our mouths into people’s pockets and call them c#nts. What a wonderful thing.

Here are some thoughts on how to argue without being a bully.

• It’s hard to think of expressing your strongly felt opinion as a wrong thing to do, and sometimes it isn’t wrong, but if you’re just adding your voice into a cascade of vitriol, you aren’t just being satisfyingly snarky, you’re being boring.
• I don’t know if I fully endorse that old saying, “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”, but I’d suggest that if you can’t think of an original and useful criticism, you should take a step back and think about it until you come up with something. Being boring is boring. Boo to that.
• Be honest with yourself about what annoys you, what offends you, and the difference between those two things.
• Some words and phrases are heavy with associations, and swinging them around will reduce your precision. Think if you can find another way to say the thing you mean that’s closer to the thing you mean. If you’re going to fight, be a swordsman, not a grunt.
• Think about whether you’re punishing someone for being a symbol of something you dislike rather than the thing you actually dislike. If they are only making a small contribution to a larger problem that is actually the thing you should be focusing your angry attention on, you’re choosing to play a game rather than deal with reality.
• Try to think about where the person you don’t like is coming from. It might not mean you agree with them, but it will certainly make a conversation feel less frustratingly like two goats headbutting different walls.
• A lot of good conversations begin with ceding some ground. A lot of unproductive arguments come from oversimplifying a complicated reality.
• Victory isn’t necessarily what an argument should produce. If you’re hoping to get someone to say they’re wrong and you’re right, think about the number of times you’ve ever said that yourself, and how it’s made you feel. Think about the times you’ve changed your mind about something and be honest about the path that lead you there.
• If you think you’ve never been wrong, you’re wrong.
• You don’t lose anything by acknowledging when and where your opponent is correct - you actually end up taking ground from under their feet because they can’t frame you for unreason.
• Sometimes it’s just satisfying to call someone a c#nt. But like everything satisfying, it’s more satisfying if you ration it out. That way you feel like you’ve really earned it.