I Fell into the 4B Movement By Accident While I Was Shopping for Groceries

The Korean 4B movement has been swearing off heterosexual marriage, dating, and children since 2010. If society won’t promise them safety or reproductive rights, the 4Bs will simply remove themselves from the equation.

So society wants them to have sex but not abortions?
4B says that’s not good enough.
So the patriarchy wants to assault and abuse them?
4B isn’t willing to accept those conditions, and since they won’t get rid of the patriarchy in their lifetimes, the only real solution is to accept it or create a tiny island for themselves somewhere in the Atlantic.

The ideological divide between men and women has become taller with every passing year. I’m rarely exposed to it in my everyday life, but it’s become a daily part of my online existence. Before you tell me #not all men, I know it’s not all men. I even know it’s not most men. The love and support I receive from the opposite sex is invaluable, and I will never give up those friendships. I have, however, become an accidental part of the 4B movement nonetheless.

I, too, grew tired of controlling and abusive men. I, too, became intolerant of the daily harassment of misogynists. I developed a resentment the size of Rome. Every time I erased it, a mansplainer turned up in my threads to harangue me for speaking out against abuse.

Like many women, I’ve grown very, very tired. I’ve written posts celebrating the support South African men are offering to women. I’ve written posts celebrating the exceptional male friends in my life. I’ve even written posts saying #NotAllMen.

I still fell into the 4B movement while I was out shopping for groceries. I never chose it consciously. It was a giant hole I didn’t see because I was too busy focusing on the scenery, so I tripped into it. I experienced a long period of celibacy and realised I was enjoying the serenity. I wanted more of it, so I simply stopped dating. I didn’t choose it consciously. I just found my happy place and didn’t want to do anything to change it.

I didn’t write off men. I chased happiness, and this is what happened as a result.

The manosphere has grown into a global epidemic. Those who identify as part of that phenomenon aren’t willing to respect women, but they want women to choose them anyway. They want the payoffs, but they aren’t willing to put in the investment.

The 4B movement isn’t going to accept that. It insists that there are consequences to misogyny. You don’t get groceries without handing over your bank card, and you don’t get sex without handing out respect. The 4B movement is raining consequences all over the manosphere. Invest gold, and you get profits. Invest shit, and you get mushrooms.

Don’t blame women. I don’t think the 4B movement rose out of the ground like magic. I suspect that women were simply building peaceful lives and realised they couldn’t have them with misogynists in the picture. We all know it’s not all men. We just don’t know which men, so we gradually built a little celibate island when we were adding to our happiness. I can’t speak for all women, but I didn’t even have men in mind during that process. This is simply what happened when I was adding positive things to my life.