Trying to Silence Dissenting Voices is Like Trying To Get Toothpaste Back In the Tube

I’m learning to play Go—an Asian strategy game in which you gain territory by surrounding and taking your opponent’s stones. My sensei loves metaphors, so she taught me that stones in certain configurations cannot be trapped. They will always squish out of your attempted cage like toothpaste. This is a lesson I’ve learned on Fetlife, too. If you write a wrecked post, en-masse blocking is just going to squish the toothpaste all over your lovely, clean board. You have to stop caging the people in your threads. If they aren’t spreading toxicity, you’ve got to give them a voice.

If you want a platform-wide dogpile, try to silence people. They will shout louder. Their voices will squish out like gallons of minty goop, and you can’t wash toothpaste out of a black top. The vanished stain just keeps coming back every time the garment dries.

I block socks and trolls with impunity. Nothing good will ever come of them, but if people are there in good faith, I try to respect their voices. (“Try” being the operative word.) This practice is a lesson in humility. When you feel your body tensing up and the blood washing into your face, you’ve got to stop clinging to your “rightness” and let alternative opinions wash over you like water. I’m not suggesting they’ll always be right, but you’ve got to set your pride aside when you read them. Most of all, you’ve got to stop assuming you’re right. You’re never, ever always right, so if you think you are, it’s a glowing red sign of just how often you’re wrong.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not claiming to be the Zen Queen of Thread Wreckage. I am merely saying things go a lot better when I don’t behave like an asshole. I do, however, often behave like an asshole. If I didn’t, I would never have noticed the toothpaste. In my early Fet life, I was far too quick to block, so angry counter-posts used to rise up like small fires all over the site.

It happened because I was often wrong, but my over-eager block button also had a lot to do with it.

Yesterday, Submit timed out one of its last remaining black members for asking if he was the last black user left. He was told his narrative about racial bias was “simply inaccurate.” Silencing people on the basis of their race, gender identity, or sexuality is even more toothpaste-ish than attempting to silence disagreement. This is why the Submit resistance grows louder with every passing block. It’s trying to silence entire swathes of its audience and has shown no capacity to let their voices flow over them like water.

That’s why we see tiny Submit fires all over Fetlife: People have not been silenced despite the site’s attempts. You cannot silence good faith voices unless you use your need for control like a sjambok. The more people speak out, the harsher your rules must become. The moderators press and press their users against the board, and the toothpaste is spreading out from everywhere.

Bias is a cruel bedpartner. Bigotry is deadly, and it’s not just the targets who experience that morbidity.

No-one is right all of the time. I used to criticise call-out culture. Now I’m a participant. I used to emphasise personal responsibility. Now I know it’s a dog whistle. I used to think incels were trolls. Now I know better. My views have changed because dissenting voices have cared enough to inform me. Criticism has an important role to play in my life. That’s where I learn and how I change.

I’m not a leader, but it I was, criticism would have to be my religion.