Smash is not a game of rock, paper, scissors

Prompt: Everybody says that Smash is a game of rock paper scissors. This couldn't be further from the truth. Smash is more like a game of...

• Smash is more like a game of lawn darts. The longer you play, the less likely you are to make it out alive.
• Smash is more like a game of Hasbro's Elefun & Friends. If you want to succeed, you need to understand that this game is about so much more than just making friends with elephants.
• Everybody says that Smash is a game of rock, paper, scissors. This couldn't be further from the truth. Smash is more like a game of Milton Bradley's Gator Golf. Yeah, it might seem like you're having fun, but at the end of the day, it's all just bullshit crocodile gimmicks and a meta that hasn't evolved since 1995.
• Smash is more like a game of Mancala. Remember to wear shoes and socks, boys, because things are about to get WILD.
• Smash is more like a game of Hasbro's Mousetrap. If you want an authentic experience you need to spend hours setting it up and by the time you're done, you're physically and mentally exhausted since your diet consists largely of pancakes and soda.
• Smash is more like a game of Etch-a-Sketch. If you're not good at it, it's not that fun to play. And if you are good at it, there are probably better ways to have fun.
• Smash is more like a game of Twister. If you're going to succeed, you need to learn advanced tech like crouch canceling and pelvis thrusting.
• Smash is more like a game of Yatzee. It might seem like luck, but there are ways to improve your chances of winning by memorizing complex mathematical formula that undergirds the physics engine of reality.
• Smash is more like a game of Go Fish. If you can coerce your friends into playing a game that nobody really enjoys, you'll be guaranteed a top 8 of any tournament regardless of how good you are.
• Smash is more like a game of Chutes & Ladders. Everybody thinks the hardest part is going down the Chute, but just wait until you get to the Ladder stage.
• Smash is more like a game of Jenga, if Jenga were more like Smash.
• Smash is more like a game of Where's Waldo. Just when you think you've mastered the game, you turn the page and suddenly there are a million Waldos and they all look the same.
• Smash is more like a game of Russian roulette. The only reason you'd ever want to play the game professionally is if part of you wants to die.
• Smash is more like a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos. The only way I'm going to eat tonight is if I can beat my parents in a 1v1 match, best of 5, no hippos, MAXIMAL HUNGER.
• Smash is more like a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors except everything you do beats everything I do.
• Smash is more like a game of Battleship for obvious reasons.
• Smash is more like a game of 5 finger fillet. Here's how it works: fuck up your hands in exchange for a game everybody advised you against playing.
• Smash is more like a game of Duck, Duck, Goose. Your opponents are just going to refuse to play their best character (The Goose) during friendlies to deprive you of matchup experience.
• Smash is more like a game of War. If you want to win, you're going to have to kill your friends.
• Smash is more like a game of Prisoner's Dilemma, except if you defect, you lose your friends, and if you cooperate, you lose your dignity.