Deep Leffen Goes To Court: Part III

This is part 3 in an ongoing series. See part 2 here:

armada turned to me and said, "leif, as your lawyer, i'm telling you this won't end well. this guy's gonna pack your ass in a gilded briefcase so hard you're not even going to comprehend the subtleties of this metaphor." armada was right, of course. i didn't understand what he was saying. i didn't understand what most people were saying. and yet, i couldn't help but think he admired me in his own kind of way.

robert approached the microphone and said "leff's a nice guy. he was the only person who would visit me in the forest when i was abandoned by my parents. he gave me company. he let me eat out of his trashcan. he takes me out on his boat and leaves me in the water to teach me "life lessons." i think leff is a great man, and i'd like to see him get off." the courtroom erupted in applause, and the judge told myles to "shut the fuck up" before he gets mad. i politely smiled at myles, the only man who understood me. he smiled back.

the prosecution went dark for five minutes, but regained their composure. "robert, do you know leff when he's angry or losing a game of smash?", hungrybox inquired smugly. leff quickly interjected, "he's never seen me losing. NOBODY HAS. you shut your fucking mouth and don't say a word, myles." myles remained silent. leffen's measured and even-tempered response suggested to the court that he was not the kind of man who was prone to violent outbursts. hungrybox was surprised to discover he had an erection as hard as bullets. he made a mental note to tell his wife about that tomorrow.

hungrybox asked myles, "can you see my erection right now?" "no, not from that far away," he replied. the courtroom was silent. i wanted to say something, but i didn't know what. maybe i could make a joke about, how if mang0 had an erection, you'd definitely notice.  no, i'd already done that joke before. maybe i could say "hey hungrybox, is that erection even legal?"  no, that was stupid. that didn't even make sense.

at that moment myles pressed a button under his seat that alerted the prosecution that he felt unsafe and that everything he's about to say is a lie.

"he's my friend," myles said. "i love leffen like a brother."

"need i remind you that you're under oath, myles?", hungrybox boldly proclaimed, not fully following the plot.

"i never lie," myles said, winking at me.

hungrybox executed a mini pop-off, prematurely celebrating the implication of myles' comment. 2 of the jurors immediately burst into flames, exploding on contact. the judge asked hungrybox to please refrain from pop-offs until a verdict is reached.

hungrybox cleared his throat and said, "myles, when leff put you in the water to teach you some 'life lessons', what exactly were those lessons?"

[End of Pt. 3]