Easing into 2022

Good morning cutie,

In the spirit of gentleness and easing into the new year, I’ll be taking a bit more time on this week’s resource. If you saw my IG Story last week, you have a bit of context, but basically my family of origin is in crisis at the moment, and I’m a bit exhausted.

(CW / Abuse and addiction)

My brother stopped taking his schizophrenia medication again, which always puts him in a very dark place. After saying she fears him and sleeps with the door locked, my mother went radio silent for a week. I finally got ahold of her yesterday after many sleepless nights, so she’s thankfully physically safe. But she admitted to going silent to punish me for not coparenting my older brother with her anymore. Turns out she’s also been starving him for weeks to try to force him to comply, and called the police on him again to attempt incarceration.

It’s not a new dynamic, and none of this is a surprise to me. But I am finding my footing in a new role, wherein I can offer resources and compassion but keep strong boundaries. In past crises, I stopped my life, quit my job, used my savings to pay rent for his abandoned apartments, etc. It’s very painful to practice detachment, because it means accepting my powerlessness over the situation. If he goes to live on the street again, starts using crack again, or she successfully incarcerates him, I’ll of course use my network to attempt harm reduction however possible. But I’m grateful for the willingness to stop participating in their cycles of abuse, because it never solves their problems, and only creates new ones for me.

All that to say: this is why my weekly post will be a bit late. But rest assured that you’ll have 2 resources by next Sunday.

I’m grateful for this community, and the outpouring of support and compassion I’ve received from all of you. I’m feeling much better after processing a lot of intense emotions this week. I plan to carry on with my own life, regardless of what they do next. I love them, and also, I’m so glad to no longer harm myself as a warped expression of that love.

I hope you are also being gentle with yourself, lending compassion to yourself, and moving slowly whenever you need to.

Love you all, and I’ll see you next week. 🧡

xx

Morgan