Bonus Track: Update to my TikTok Storytime

Hi cutie, 

I hope you’re having a lovely start to your week. I wanted to record a bonus track this week, which is an update to a story I shared on Instagram and TikTok (linked here, if you haven’t seen it: tiktok.com/@chillpolyamory/video/7002984631314189574 )

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Hello to all the new cuties from TikTok who’ve come! I really appreciate your support. Like I said, you’re absolutely, tangibly, helping me pay my bills. So, I want to make sure this is as helpful a platform as possible for you.

If you came here because you’re interested in more of my personal stories, you can search through my posts with the tag “case study”. All of the posts under that tag will be personal stories from yours truly, and examples from my personal life. I think it’s helpful whenever possible, if all my partners and the people involved consent to it, because it can be kind of daunting to translate theory into practice.

If you aren’t familiar with the original story I’m updating: in short, a few months ago, I was feeling a lot of anxiety and insecurity around my nesting partner starting to have sleepovers at our place. And this would be coordinated either when I was traveling for work, or I was sleeping out at another partner’s place. I would never be displaced for it, but it would be aligned when I was on the go.

Now, it was ok intellectually, but I felt very fearful that I would literally be replaced. That by inviting somebody I hadn’t even met yet to come into my bed in my home in my space, it would somehow threaten me, in like an abstract way. So, it set off a lot of my alarm bells somatically, personally, physically. But, intellectually, I was fine with it.

So we set up this care plan that I would have a date with him before, and feel really secure and taken care of, as like a preventative for the anxiety and insecurity when a sleepover would happen at our place. And that was going really well.

The conflict in particular arose around triangulation. He wanted to have 2 sleepovers, one after the other, without a date with me in between. And I was like, “that’s not gonna work for me, can you reschedule one of them? Because I still need this care.” And he was like “ok cool, I’ll tell one of them that you’re not ready for her to do this.” etc.

What was so beautiful — despite how people brought a lot of their own baggage to my conflict, and armchair-diagnosed me as either abusive or being abused… It was wild. It even ramped up to violence, like, people were threatening my life and threatening to assault me and stuff. So that is why I’m probably going to keep this intimacy just to Patreon for you guys. But, basically, since then, I feel so much more secure.

The care plan did its fucking job. That’s the point of care plans. I’m happy to say that I don’t even really need dates before. Not in a formal way. We’ve, whether consciously or unconsciously, worked more proactive dating with nesting partners into our routine a bit. So, I’m feeling just in general a lot more secure.

There may be a plan for me to meet his girlfriend at some point, which I’m totally open to. She seems lovely from everything I’ve heard. And I trust him to not waste his time with anyone that would be terrible. But, either way, I felt so heard by him when I said I didn’t want there to be triangulation, that I didn’t want to be misrepresented or blamed for his mismanagement of time. He totally heard me. He has not done it since.

In respecting that boundary, it has made it so that I can meet her without me being some sort of villain in her eyes. Or her being on the defensive when we do meet, or me being on the defensive when we do meet.

It’s so important for hinge partners to take responsibility for what they can and cannot do, what they do and do not want, what their own shortcomings might be (especially around conflicts with other partners), and not blame partners to each other to avoid accountability.

So, yeah it’s a quick little bonus update today, but I’m just feeling really happy, really grateful. Not just for the partners in my life, and the communication that we’ve developed, but I’m also incredibly grateful for you.

If you would like to have a 1-on-1 chat, I’m booking now for December and January. That is on chillpolyamory.com/services

Love you, cutie! Talk to you later.
Morgan