Strangers On Paper - Devlog #12: An Interview

About a month ago I had this idea that, whenever we felt the game was "done" we should interview each other about the process of it. And... I guess that day is here. We may have snuck in a little announcement in it.

Gizmo: HEY. Wanna do the interview thing we talked about? I didn’t sleep shit so I’m readier than ever.

Grogu: Uhh… First question. Why haven’t you been sleeping well? I didn’t write anything down so that counts as the first question and then I’ll ask anything you say back.

Gizmo: Ever since we started working together, I always thought the time difference was a good thing. We would talk at my night, I would go to sleep while you work on stuff during your day, then I’d get up, go through your notes, work during my afternoon, then talk it over with you in the evening, etc. And so the Gloomy Ghost machine never slept.

Grogu: GG literally never sleeps.

Gizmo: These past few weeks I’ve been so into it that my mind won’t stop. Last night I wanted to go to sleep early, went to bed at 1, and last time I checked the phone it was way past 3. And it’s just excitement. I’m in bed and I can only think of getting up and playing through it again or I’ll get new ideas for the upcoming chapters.

Grogu: Yeah, I think it worked really well for a long time. But the more we got into it, many things changed and it’s like we want to be on top of it 100% of the time. I NEVER wake up early and you know it. We always talk when it’s like 11 or 12 for me. But these past few weeks I’ve been up from 7 or 8.

Gizmo: That was me today. Woke up at 8, thought “nice, I can sleep in!”. NOT. Let me check my questions… What was your favorite part working on this chapter? It could be a moment in the story or a process you enjoyed.

Grogu: I’ve got many favorite bits really, but I think that because of everything that’s happening right now and after these past few weeks, I gotta say playing it has been giving me a dopamine boost. Dopamine? Is that the one that gives you happiness? I feel that satisfaction of having worked so hard these past few months that leaves any other moment behind.

Gizmo: Absolutely. Nothing compares to the pride I felt when I finished it. My partner laughed at how I would SQUEAL while playing it and, once I was done, I walked up to him and said: WE’VE CREATED ART.

Grogu: Oh yeah. The craziest part is just that, watching it come to life. Beyond having some renders or some writings for you, watching it all together is like… Wow. And the fact that it works, because I think that’s a tough one to find. I used to fear that there wouldn’t be… synergy.

Gizmo: We really compliment each other.

Grogu: Just today I was thinking if when we first started talking about it and that you had two ideas in mind. One was SOP, the other one… uhm, no idea what it was, but SOP (aka SOT) made it through. It’s not a question, I just love those little things, because one word or action or whatever could have destroyed everything

Gizmo: I know! I laugh when I think of how horrible my first pitch for SOP was. And you were like “yeah, nah, let’s go with the other thing”. But in my heart I knew, just like you knew with Becca’s very first render.

Grogu: Well I wanted MILFS IN A FANTASY CYBERPUNK ENVIRONMENT. And then you come along and you’re like “oh, the MC is a writer…”

Gizmo: Don’t forget furry jedis.

Grogu: Next question. What was the hardest part to work on for you and why is it THE MUSIC?

Gizmo: Oh gosh. Yeah, definitely the music. All those days spent listening to tracks. It got to the point where it was all very mechanical. But there’s a couple of songs that worked so well that they made me want to get it right. Now I’m trying to plan the music as I write chapter 2, and I play them on loop while I’m writing the scenes so I can vibe to them. If we end up changing them, I’m fine with that, but at least we have something to hold on to.

Grogu: That sounds great. Whenever I think of devs who work on their own, I panic. And admire them. But at least we can count on the other doing something kinda right. It pushes us.

Gizmo: Oh yes. If I had to do this on my own, I’d never get it done. This is really my first time working well in a team. So, you always talk about “love” as an ingredient to our VN or other VNs. What does “putting love into it” mean to you in this context?

Grogu: That it’s relatively easy to create some renders, add some dialogue to it and want to release a game to make some money. But I feel that all this we’ve been talking about, not being able to sleep, playing it and replaying it a thousand times, reworking it, re-rendering because we are not 100% content with something, the music, the code that we don’t know shit about but we try to make it make sense… It’s all part of that love I feel is necessary in order to share something. If someone plays our VN and it makes them feel, laugh, enjoy or say “wow, nice”, that’s already a lot. That’s why I think “love” is key beyond results here.

Gizmo: I’m too emotional to speak now.

Grogu: So. Why should anyone play SOP?

Gizmo: NO, THAT WAS MY NEXT QUESTION. Ugh. Because it’s… made with love? I think I have a hard time answering this one because it hits me right in my anxiety. I’ve got times when I feel like it’s the greatest thing ever made, but when I have to say that out loud it’s not as easy. I can only think of saying “yeah, sure, it’s okay”. But if I think of it as just between you and me, they should play it because it’s different. Every time I create something, it’s because I have looked and haven’t found something that’s exactly what I wanted to consume. And I know there’s gotta be others who are looking for something like it too. And some may not be looking, but once they find it they’re gonna love it anyway. The rawest way to say it is that I felt less lonely when I played it. And not because I feel lonely at all in my own life, I don’t know, it just felt real. And I’m not expecting everyone to feel exactly that when they play, actually, I need them to play it and tell me what they felt.

Grogu: I think you described it really well and I’m only going to add to something. I’ve heard that “it’s different” before with other games or projects I’ve seen and they didn’t live up to my expectations.

Gizmo: It can be a very personal idea. Maybe sometimes for the creators themselves it feels different, but depending on our experience it may not be what we are looking for. And that’s totally plausible here too.

Grogu: I think the most powerful word you used is that it’s real. I always talk about what a big fan I am of the Before trilogy because of how raw and real it is. Jesse and Celine’s conversations are deep, silly and beautiful. That’s what I feel when I watch the MC talk to Amy or Becca. And that’s all you.

Gizmo: But the renders add SO MUCH. You’ve no idea how magical it feels, when I know the lines by heart, I know what they’re going to say, yet when I see an image, a gesture, a something and I end up squeaking like a child. I’m your biggest fan.

Grogu: Always fangirling over each other.

Gizmo: Since we’re starting to dig deep here… what’s your biggest fear upon release?

Grogu: Oh, I’ve got a list of fears. But there’s no particular order, they’re all equally relevant: About coding errors, silly errors, how heavy the game is… they’re shallow but I feel responsibility and, well, fear. With my hand on my heart, I can say I have faith that many people will enjoy it and like it, that’s why the visual/story part is not a fear. Of course I’m REALLY interested to know what they will think, because as you said, we can think or feel something but maybe to some others it will be average or shit. I will cry and curse surely… but I’ll be happy to know that for our first game we have accomplished a lot. Our patrons and the AVN lovers are also to blame for spoiling us with their kind words.

Gizmo: I have moments where I understand the phrase “my whole life I’ve been reading myself for this moment” because I think of everything that had to happen so we could create this.

Grogu: Imagine if I’d never gone through the filtered twitter DMS! Actually, imagine if you’d never tried to contact me twice, because I actually never even checked.

Gizmo: Imagine if Clari hadn’t convinced me to try again. I always thank her for it.

Grogu: Shoutout to Clari.

Gizmo: The number one fan. Or zero, because there was no GGS back then.

Grogu: It’s funny, everything flowed so naturally, even that fucking name we have.

Gizmo: Did I ever tell you I was at the supermarket when I realized Gizmo also started with a G? That wasn’t even on purpose.

Grogu: I remember the text message, I was like WOW. Hey… how about your fears? I think we have something in common, and that is we are both pretty insecure, even though we have our GigaChad moments.

Gizmo: Oh no. This is feeling like therapy again.

Grogu: If you think about it from a psychology standpoint… This is all therapy. Fears, happiness, strengths, sadness…

Gizmo: I guess my fear is they won’t get it. Which is something that’s gonna happen regardless because we’re all different, but it breaks my heart to think of someone playing it and being bored, or asking themselves “why is this like this?”. I guess saying this out loud is a good thing, because it makes me realize that it shouldn’t even be a fear when it’s bound to happen anyway. But the George McFly in me just couldn’t take that kind of rejection if it were to happen to many people. In the end, I think I’m most afraid of letting down those people who are actually hyped. But at the same time, I trust that those people already have a vision of what we’re creating and they’re gonna love it. My confidence fluctuates a lot.

Grogu: Oh, you’ve unlocked a fear I had forgotten.

Gizmo: I’M SORRY.

Grogu: But it’s true. Criticism and feedback are always good, they help progress even though… It can be hard to digest. I think that with this being our first game we also have that fear. Once it’s out and we see how this whole thing works we’ll get used to it… or end up creating Furry Jedi and the MILFs.

Gizmo: Alright, last one! I think I know your answer but… If you had unlimited resources, what would you have done differently?

Grogu: If only I had 3 PCs running with 25 video cards… I learned a lot along the way, obviously, in my life something that always came up when I was filming was that I would spend a lot of time shooting silly environmental things. Leaves, animals… Things that made me feel like “this is cinema”. I think I started doing that more when we were halfway throughout the project. I think I started out feeling very fearful and then learning about the batch render thing is clearly one of the things I would have liked to have done differently.

Gizmo: Oh. I thought it would be a very straightforward “WE NEED A CODING PERSON”. I imagine you’re getting PTSD from coding this thing.

Grogu: Pfft yeah, absolutely. That’s my biggest fear actually. I am sorry for the crimes I committed against RenPy. Last question… When does SOP come out?

Gizmo: Oh. Uh… Are we sticking to May 25th?

Grogu: I WANT IT OUT NOW.

Gizmo: I KNOOOOWWWW. We said May 18th on Patreon, general public a week later? Can you wait that long?

Grogu: Yeah, but… Now I’m panicking again. Just a week… Yeah, if all works out, yeah.

Gizmo: Alright, then, let’s get to work. Send me the latest version and let’s see what new bugs we encounter.