Where Your Goddamn Patreon Money Goes: 2018 Edition!

I’m as transparent as a goddamn ghost!

Every few months I make one of these little reports telling you where your hard earned money is going. Let’s start with 2018’s expenses:

Ahahahahahaha! Hmmmmm, I wonder what could possibly be blowing this gigantic hole in my budget?

But, on the other hand, at least my cash is going to this handsome son of a bitch...

Jordan Greenberger. Esquire as fuck. And those flowers smell like goddamn justice.

Alright, so that’s the bad news. But here’s the good news: thanks to your cash, I can now put Producer Zwick on retainer!

That’s better for both of us, because we now know how much we’re spending (or making!) each month. Makes it easier for both of us to plan our shit. Because life’s stressful enough.

Zwick’s editing all the content coming out of the Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory. The current plan is to get you fine lemmings a new podcast every monday morning. Then, on thursday, it’ll go to the plebs – I mean – pay-challenged listeners.

Speaking of pay, let’s check out some of the crazy crap your cash has helped me pay for:

I bought a used copy of the 2010 Back To The Future game for fifteen fucking dollars! It’s terrible and I love it. I’m playing it on my new Twitch channel.

Fuck, I love Twitch so much. It’s the best. I never understood it for years, but now that I’m on it, I finally get it and it’s all I ever wanna do. 

I just uploaded my first emoji – I think it’s called “halo.” Try it out.

If you’re wondering why my podcasts sound better recently, it’s because I upgraded my micrphone to a used Shure SM-63. And yes, I sprung for the “champagne finish.” 

As you can see, this microphone has all of the frequencies. My old microphone, the Shure SM-57, didn’t have nearly this many frequencies. Thanks for the frequencies!

I also bought this camera for Waifu Wars. It originally retailed for $1400, but I got it for $150 off Craigslist from a rich lady who clearly didn’t give a shiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Same with this lighting kit. I found a super rich british lady on Craiglist who sold me the whole thing for $100. My guess: she bought it, used it once, kept it for years and just wanted it out of the house. The photography world’s loss is my gain!

I also got this legit PO box because I am a legit badass. Send me your worst garbage.

Finally, your cash has allowed me to hire a second guy: Producer Jesse. He does everything for “Asterios Kills A Kid” except the editing – the art, the thumbnails, the transcripts, sourcing the questions...he even made the website:

He’s currently building websites for all the other shows: Science Friction, The Hour Long Five Minute Podcast and Porg Chatter (which is a co-production with Sirarnahca Industries).

Some of you may ask: why are you hiring people when you've incurred over $16,000 worth of legal bills in 2018 alone? Which, of course, doesn't account for the $7000 legal bills you incurred in 2017?

The answer: because this whole thing has taught me that life is short! And the thing that makes me happiest is making comedy. I love sitting on Twitch and MST3k-ing a video game with strangers. I love putting out little individual five minute podcasts and making one person's day a little more fun. I love yelling about Star Trek and giving terrible advice to children and listening to my girlfriend talk about porgs. 

And if you don't love doing comedy, why even do it? What, to try to cling to a dying fanbase or relive some kind of late 90's glory? I'm being hypothetical here, of course!

Anyway, my plane is about to take off. Headed to LA for TDS 100. Just wanna say thanks, and I love you all!