Lola Pellegrino! August merch! Help us make Episode 101!
Added 2021-08-09 01:39:31 +0000 UTCHey friends,
Hope you’re all hanging in there.
It’s been a weird week over here, but we managed to release a bonus episode featuring our friends over at Autostraddle — remember Drew Gregory from the Gaby & Mal episodes? — plus a Cis Day of Visibility interview with my friend Lola Pellegrino.
Photo ID: Lola taking a mirror selfie in a blue dress, in a warmly lit room with several large plants.
My goal with the Lola interview was to get y’all some informed and hopefully reassuring information about HRT. While I left out a few key topics (like estrogen myths and the fact that we don’t really know what we’re doing wrt dosing), I think there’s still a lot to take away here. I’ve even heard from folks who have been on HRT for several years, saying that they learned new stuff from this conversation! (Rad, and also, wow, people should be told these things.)
~~~ spon alert ~~~
Just a fun(?) fact about the Enby ads we’ve been running — if you use that promo code (GenderReveal) at checkout, not only do you get 10% off, but we actually get a little cut of the proceeds. So if you’ve been thinking about buying new sex accessories or gender affirming somethings, that’s a neat way to support the show. NO PRESH, JUST LETTING U KNOW.
~~~ end spon ~~
Remember when I said we would have 1-3 more Cis Day of Visibility interviews, depending partially on Ira Glass for some reason? Well, hours after I had finally given up on getting that last interview into the world, we got the go-ahead, so there will be two more episodes for you next week.
I’m really really excited about both of them; they are both extremely vulnerable and silly and reflective and fun and ugh I hope you love them as much as I do. There’s even a bit of a gender reveal in one of them! Hehe.
Then, after we FINALLY wrap up Cis Day of Visibility (oops! like I said, joke got out of hand!), I’m going to try to revisit our first episode, Gender 101, for episode 101. (Symmetry!)
Gender 101 is our most-downloaded episode by a long shot, but it was made in 2017 and is woefully out of date. I am NOT suggesting that you relisten to episode one (please don’t lol) but I would love to hear what you think is important to include in a gender 101 episode.
As a professional gender educator (lmao) with Sylveon plus the podcast, I’ve taught a lot of basic workshops on gender. But I’m sure the conversations that you’re having with friends/coworkers/family/the internet/etc is really different than mine, and I want to make an episode that is a useful resource for you to hand to them. So, if you’d like to leave a comment with any thoughts on what would be most helpful in a gender 101 resource, other than like “what does gender mean,” that would be helpful to me and Jules. :)
Photo ID: Yellow bubble letters say "NOT GIRL SUMMER." A purple octopus is wrapped around the left side of the text.
OK, last thing for today! We’ve got new designs in the merch shop this month (including the bird at the top of the newsletter and this octopus above) and they are absolutely excellent imo. Take a look at them at all bit.ly/gendermerch.
Thank you so much for supporting the show and for reading whatever this is. Here’s your weekly Rhubarb.
Photo ID: A fluffy grey orange and white kitten sitting on a white porch railing.
Xo,
Yr resident gender detective
Comments
Okay a few more. 6. Should I just assume everyone uses they/them until they tell me otherwise? 7. How do I get better at remembering new words / pronouns?
mb
2021-08-09 23:52:46 +0000 UTCSome of the more subtle 101 questions I get most frequently: 1. What’s the difference between gender and pronouns? 2. Wait, why are nonbinary people trans? Are they even? 3. Well if you wanna change your pronouns, actually I’m fine with any pronouns, who cares? 4. Why does gender even matter anyway? Can’t we all just be happy? 5. If being trans makes everything in your life worse according to science, why would you choose it?
mb
2021-08-09 23:49:25 +0000 UTCPart 2: As the patent of a young trans kid I don’t feel like I have any reliable information on how coming this is. How many kids flip back to cis? How many kids stick with the identity they choose at 7?
Aster Hasle
2021-08-09 20:39:27 +0000 UTCI’m a parent so I’ve done lots of gender 101 for parents/teachers/coaches/etc. People don’t understand what it means for an Elementry age kid to change their gender. I get lots of questions about surgery, hormones, and how we can let him make a decision like this at such a young age.
Aster Hasle
2021-08-09 20:36:26 +0000 UTCI love everything about this post!!! It’s been a while since I listened to the gender 101 episode so I can’t remember if you covered this, but going along with the which questions are ok and which aren’t respectful thing, maybe something on when people change names and how to respond to people who ask things like “is that your legal name?” And things like that I changed my name (not legally) a few months ago and it’s the name that feels most comfy - I go by Z or Zero. My boss is extremely supportive and knowledgeable on these things, so when I said I wanted to go by Z or Zero, she immediately changed my work email and got me new business cards with my name on them. The issue is that my cards say Zero on them, which made me so happy I cried, but now when people take my cards, they look at me and always ask questions like “is that your REAL name” or “did your parents really name you that??” Or “is there a meaning behind that name?” And I am supremely bad at answering those questions. If I say yes that’s my REaL nAmE then they always ask “like is that the name on your birth certificate” and then I feel like I have to say no bc I am a bad liar 🤥 So I guess basically I think it would be cool to have a section on addressing those types of questions in a work setting or in general (even tho people only ever ask me those questions at work). I guess it’s also on me for picking a name that brings questions along with it which I why I typically go by Z at work, but I want to be myself in the place I spend most of my time. Also, is it appropriate to wear a pronoun pin at work?
Zero Serres
2021-08-09 13:46:04 +0000 UTCDamn I’m really sorry to hear about this. I agree with the “which questions are ok and which are not ok” part because I also get asked too many questions that I don’t feel comfortable answering and at work I feel like I can’t say “I don’t want to answer that” or “that’s rude to ask”
Zero Serres
2021-08-09 13:34:11 +0000 UTCI have done a couple Trans 101/Pronouns 101 trainings for people in my field (libraries) and both times so far I've gotten questions about neopronouns -- basic stuff like what are they, what are some examples, why would someone choose to use neopronouns, etc. My best guess is that well-meaning cis people are beginning to wrap their minds around they/them pronouns but anything beyond that really throws em for a loop? Other questions I've been asked: why would someone use multiple sets of pronouns, how do I know which pronouns are right for me, what does being misgendered feel like (I got this as a question once, and on another occasion I got a lot of feedback of "hey that was really helpful" when I made a throwaway comment about how it feels bad when people use the wrong name lol).
Cail
2021-08-09 04:51:54 +0000 UTCI'm so sorry jeez
Tuck
2021-08-09 04:37:25 +0000 UTCLIKE I WAS NUCLEAR FISSION
Tuck
2021-08-09 04:36:52 +0000 UTCVery helpful, thank youuu :)
Tuck
2021-08-09 04:36:23 +0000 UTCI had a truly wild interaction with a vis coworker in a position of authority after she publicly misgendered me in a big meeting. She used the wrong pronouns for me, and I frowned. She shot me a slack DM that just said "sorry" and I did a little thumbs up react, and assumed/hoped that was the end of it. I got distracted by my kitten and went off camera to keep her out of trouble, but coworker assumed this was me being despondent over the misgendering. I get misgendered A LOT in the workplace even though we're only like 20 people and they've never known me with any other pronouns, so I sent out a general PSA about how it Feels Bad and included an article to try to get them to realize they were causing me harm. She CALLED ME ON THE PHONE to prostrate/self flagelate in my general direction, and asked me what she should do when it happens again, "because it will happen again." I tried to express to her how my pronouns are everywhere they can be and I'm very open about being trans, so it's really frustrating to be lumped into "ladies" and "girls" and she/her'd all the time, because it makes me feel like they see me as woman-lite. Then she asked me "How do I explain you to my 8-yr-old son???" like I was nuclear fission and not a human being. So what I'm getting at is, maybe a primer for clueless cis people on how to ask RESPECTFUL questions, and what to maybe just Google for yourself? There were so many don'ts in this interaction, Tuck!!! 😭
Rowan Allen Case
2021-08-09 02:34:36 +0000 UTCThere are 2 overlooked but important sentiments I try to drill down when I’m educating the cis (especially parents of newly out trans kids, which I do with relative frequency.) They are 1) that trans people can experience joy, and 2) that it’s ok to be wrong. The first one I always emphasize because so many people view being trans as solely defined by suffering; so much so in fact that they often think we’re incapable of experiencing happiness and having good things happen to us. The other I bring up because cis people are so terrified of uncertainty–when they aren’t even the ones making permanent/semi-permanent changes to their body! Parents are so petrified their kids will “change their mind” or have regrets, but neither are inherently bad and they need to understand that. Cis people need to know that it’s ok if the identity of the trans person in their life evolves over time and, as scary as it may seem, they need to know that it’s ok for us to experiment and for those experiments to fail. There is nothing catastrophic about not getting it right the first (or however many as necessary) time. I hope my 2 cents are helpful!
aedy miller
2021-08-09 01:56:53 +0000 UTC
