Grant Announcement! Trans Day of Snack Recap! A Slight Existential Spiral!

OK, I'm obsessed with these weird binary gender donuts that say TRANSGENDER in the corner and also the way that "If we don't want visibility, what do we actually want?" is seemingly answered by this Reese's ad. And that's what we want! Snacks! 

anyway, cw for a bunch of swears and complaining about something I did to myself.

...

On Monday, March 29 — the morning that Gender Reveal season six finale dropped — I turned to my roommate and said, “it’s fucked up that it’s 9am on the first day of my break from work and my burnout isn’t 100% cured.” And I laughed, because I was obviously joking, but I also secretly was not joking at all. I had reached my productivity goal and I still felt like shit! What the hell!

And then, well, we know what happens next: I simply did not take a break from work. I wrote a thread about puberty blockers and I cyber-bullied Buck Angel and I (we!!!) raised $27,435 for snacks and mutual aid, to be distributed as part of a new trans holiday we had just made up.

There’s a really nice Logo piece summarizing the Trans Day of Snack thing (feel free to send to a cis person who doesn’t understand why visibility Is Not Enough and can be Bad, Actually), but here are some fun(?) facts:

• We got 1000 applications between midnight and 9am. We then had the form closed for most of the day because I realized I had maybe overcommitted lol. We were averaging 100 new applications per half-hour whenever I opened it back up.
• My friends swooped in and saved my ass, sending out all 1065 snack payments over a 30-hour period, and I almost cry every time I think about it.
• Said friends include Ira of “The Talented Ira M. Leigh” fame, and Gender Reveal alum Aubri and La Tisha, and Gender Reveal merch designer Rae Ajamie, and several members of the GR Patreon (hello! hi! i love you!) and I just think it’s very cool and good that we have made this community together!!!!! Thank you!!!!
• In addition to snacks, I’ve sent out $12,750 in mutual aid so far. We’ve got $3955 left, and I’ll be sending that and more as soon as my brain… lets me.

So! Trans Day of Having a Nice Snack was very good and great and heartwarming and I cried and other people cried and it was all very wholesome and delicious but also I did not rest, obviously. And then this week, I interviewed four people about tacos because I’m briefly a food writer again for some reason, and I interviewed two people (including unofficial GR merch model Britni de la Cretaz) about Ways To Be Better at Trans Journalism, and now I’m writing both of the stories (the one about tacos and the one about trans journalism), and also taking a break to write this newsletter.

And I bring this all up to say that I took a minute to stop writing and roast some broccoli or whatever (remember vegetables?), and I started thinking about how I have a tiny platform here with this newsletter, and a larger platform with the podcast, and an even larger platform (oh lord) on twitterdotcom, and yet I am so rarely doing my best work or thoughtfully composing anything— I am simply making shit as fast as I can in order to make a deadline and then do more work. 

Which is, obvi, such a literal waste of space!!! What's the goal here? To put out a mountain of Content I'm vaguely embarrassed about and then eventually die? And it's also ridiculous, because I made up many of these jobs for myself, so why are they this exhausting??? But I know it's also true for other people, even self-employed people, whose platform is much much much MUCH bigger than mine, who are also just Making Content As Fast As They Can because we’re all scared of what will happen when we stop.

Unofficial GR producer Cass and I had a good chat about that yesterday — about the fear of being forgotten if we are not currently being perceived. But also, I’ll add, the competing exhaustion of being constantly perceived! Give me attention maybe or don't or please do.

Anyway, I think this (the 650 words above) is what the newsletter would sound like if my brain was like 40% on when I was writing it, instead of the 5% it’s usually running at when I’m whipping up some Fresh Content for y’all at 10pm on a Sunday during the pod season. (What would it be like at 100%??? Impossible to ever know!) Maybe this is even worse than normal!!!! Maybe it’s a fun and slightly deranged change of pace!!!! Regardless, here's the business-as-usual updates:

1. We launched our 5th grant cycle! Please apply and spread the word! We’ve got posts with alt-text on Twitter and Instagram if you want to share those.

2. We’ve got some of your favorite merch back in the shop, including the iconic Trains Flag mug, our best-selling Surf Don’t TERF tank tops, and the Nature Is Queer (and I Am Nature) design on a mug and a poster. We’re also re-running the Trans Kids Are Wonderful shirts, with proceeds this month going to inTRANSitive, a trans-led activist group in Arkansas. That’s all at bit.ly/gendermerch as always. (Oh, we’ve also got Spring In Hell stickers again, because it’s spring and it’s hell!!)

3. I’m just going to admit that I’m never going to do a spiel on the Jeffrey Marsh episode, because my brain has fully moved on from Season Six, but we did talk with them and many people loved it.

4. I swear I’m going to send out patreon rewards someday soon. Got distracted by snacks, sorry!

5. I’m GOING TO TRY TO TAKE NEXT WEEK (mostly) OFF, WE’LL SEE IF IT HAPPENS. (I’ve been trying to read that How to Do Nothing book, but I expected it to be chill and Jenny keeps throwing all of these ancient philosophers at me and it’s become just one more Something That I Need To Do.)

Well, this certainly has been something. If you read all of this — well, that’s a choice you’ve made. I love you and I hope that you have a great week considering the whole “spring in hell” thing.

xo,
Yr resident gender detective

PS: Here's your weekly Rhubarb, featuring the book I just mentioned.

And a bonus, taken by the roommate I referenced in the first paragraph lol.

Ruby knows how to do nothing and I love and admire her for it. xo.