Rumia's Yakitori Outing

Sitting at the yokai-run yakitori stand, Rumia, Youkai of the Dusk, was bored, listening to the owner’s rambling. Mystia Lorelei loved talking, rambling on about things. From the latest gossip to insights both useless and useful, the night sparrow loved talking. The unkind would say she loved the sound of her own voice, but Rumia felt that the  cook was simply lonely.

She could get that. Before the Voice, she wouldn’t have though. She would have just left, gone to do something else, but with recent… recollections, Rumia felt that she understood that loneliness. It felt nice, listening to somebody ramble. Reminded her of… somebody small.

“How dare he?” the night sparrow ranted, “I don’t like this. He’s going to make all the humans stop fearing yokai.” pouring a drink and sliding it to Rumia, she didn’t stop, continuing, “What is the world coming to? We already have problems with the damn miko being too powerful, and the new Danmaku rules, though I must admit I do like how we’re less likely to die, but it’s the principle of the thing, but honestly! What’s yokai got to do to get some honest respect around here!?” Mystia shook her head ruefully, “Why, just the other day, I had a human order here and give me a big tip.”

It didn’t make listening to her any less exhausting though sometimes. Sighing, Rumia followed the niceties and asked politely, “And…?”

“Well, I couldn’t exactly eat him after such a nice tip,” Mystia shrugged before shaking her head furiously, “But it’s the principle of the thing. The principle of the thing!” she huffed, “He brought his friends along too, you know!”

“Did you eat them?”

“No!” Mystia placed a hand over her heart, offended, “ Why would I!? They were good customers. Very friendly. I hope they come again with their wallets full.”

Rumia simply stared, letting the full weight of her judgement fall upon the Night Sparrow’s hypocrisy.

Fidgeting, Mystia laughed awkwardly at the unspoken accusation before attempting to turn it around, “Well, what about you Miss Youkai of Darkness, eaten any humans lately?” the night sparrow laughed softly, “Used to be that not two decades ago, there was a field of skulls around you.”

“Haha, yeah, those were the--” Rumia trailed off, looking down at her hands. That foggy feeling was lifting and… Licking her lips nervously, Rumia murmured “I… sort of remember that. ...Was I always this small? Was I ever that strong?”

Her back turned to Rumia, Mystia commented as she prepared the grill, growling in frustration as the flint and steel failed to spark properly, “Those are weird things to ask.”

The fog almost fully lifted, Rumia’s excitement was carefully tampered down as her mind felt clear again, “Can you answer me?” she asked, fearful of it returning, “What do you remember?”

Still striking the flint and steel, Mystia idly chuckled, “I  remember that nobody could get near you, youkai or human. Field of skulls remember? And look at you now, you’re-- You’re--” Mystia’s movements slowed as something“....You didn’t pay yet?”

Face falling slightly, Rumia sighed,“...Actually, I haven’t ordered yet. Give me two sticks of lamprey.”

“Coming right up!” Mystia cheerfully announced, returning to striking the flint and steel. She failed a few more times, cursing softly, until the fire finally lit.

Quickly tossing the fire into the coals, Mystia coated the grill with oil and waited for it to heat up. Then, reaching under her counter, she pulled out her main ingredient for yakitori, lamprey. Many commented about how odd it was for a yakitori stand to not sell yakitori, but her grilled lamprey was excellent.

Watching her cook, Rumia rested her hand on her chin, feeling strangely philosophical with the fog on her mind gone, “You ever think about how humans aren’t really scared of the dark?”

“Um, no? They get all panic-y when they can’t see anything,” Mystia giggled as she brushed sauce onto the cut lamprey, letting the savoy sauce soak into the flesh, “ Toss a bit of night-blindness and they go crazy. Sends them right to my little red lantern.”

“Yeah, yeah, but…” Rumia sighed, “I remember a human once who hung out with me.”

“Was this back during the field of skulls era?”

“It was back in the field of skulls era, yeah.” Rumia rolled her eyes, annoyed that the night sparrow could remember something from that time period, but nothing about the details, “Anyways, we hung out and… yeah. We just hung out. A lot. She had a cute kid.”

“That’s a weird human, if they trusted you around kids. I still don’t get how that leads to your theory about how humans aren’t really scared of the dark?” Mystia hummed as she placed the prepared lamprey on the grill, “You’re wrong, by the way, about that.”

Ignoring that aside, Rumia explained, “I think humans are more scared about being alone. Or not knowing something important,” lowering her head, Rumia whispered “Ignorance is only bliss if you don’t know you’re ignorant.”

“So? They’re still scared of the dark.”

It was a good thing Mystia was focused on cooking. Otherwise, she would clearly see Rumia’s thoughts on the intelligence of bird-yokai. Shaking her head, Rumia drew upon a patience she didn’t remember that she had and spoke as if she was speaking to a small child,“...I think loneliness and darkness are two different things. Related, but not the same.”

“I guess that makes sense. ...You’re unusually eloquent today,” Mystia commented. Looking up, she tapped her chin and murmured, “Actually, you’re unusually nice too.”

“Just feeling a change of pace,” Rumia deflected before pointing at the grill, “You done yet?”

“Eeyup!” Mystia smiled. She quickly wrapped the skewer's handles with a few napkins, placing them into a box, “For here or to go?”

“To go,” Rumia answered, sliding the payment onto the table.

Grabbing the box, Rumia rose into the air and flew away, trailing, “Thanks. Bye.”

Ignoring the response and call to come again from the Night Sparrow, Rumia flew through the forest as quickly as she could, racing against an unknown time limit. Her memories still fuzzy, still foggy, she instinctively knew that this moment of clarity was fleeting.

Barreling through the woods of the Forest of Magic, she minded the Gaps, slipping through the seals to make her way into a clearing where a cracked mask of a kitsune leaned against a small stone. Though Rumia had left when the sun was still out, by the time she arrived, the moon was rising. Hopefully the lamprey was still good.

Landing with her arms spread, Rumia remained in that pose and balanced herself, both physically and mentally. Somebody had left a pile of tangerines as an offering, something that Rumia knew the person that the grave honored enjoyed. ...It was another mystery in her amnesia. Somebody knew this ghost that haunted Rumia. Well enough to leave offerings And…

Rumia scowled as the thought slipped away, but didn’t chase it. She had something more important right now. For the first time, Rumia could offer something herself to the grave. It was a strange coincidence that she remembered right in front of the stand, but for once, just once, Rumia would be able to share a meal with this grave on her own terms.

“Yo,” Rumia greeted, grinning wryly, the sardonic smile feeling out of place on her childish face, “Feels like it’s been a while since I last came. Sorry. Been thinking about stuff. Forgetting too. But mostly thinking. I hope. There’s a fog in my head most of the time. Makes me stupid.”

She sighed, “Whenever it’s gone, I feel like hitting myself, you know? LIke me with the fog is so much more… kiddy. It’s weird.”

Rumia was doing a lot of self-reflection these days. It sucked, especially as she realized that the more she remembered, the more she forgot. Sometimes it got so bad that she forgot that she was trying to remember something, forgetting even the forgetting. The best she could do right now was remembering that she had to remember something. Which was unhelpful in so many ways.

But… she felt as if she was getting closer. The periods of fogginess was getting lesser and each time felt clearer.

“Got you something,” Rumia sighed, placing a lamprey stick in front of the fox mask. It was an offering, just something you did when you visited a grave. ...It made that ache ever so softer though, so Rumia always tried to bring something to share with them.

After making sure everything was nice and settled, Rumia squatted down and began eating her stick. “I don’t know why I keep coming here, but I do,” Rumia swallowed, “Even when that’s fog around and I don’t know that I don’t know, I come here and it’s annoying.”

Looking up at the half moon, one stuck between light and dark, Rumia confessed, ”It’s scary that I don’t know why. I didn’t think about why I kept coming here, but… now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

The half moon was pretty even as Rumia struggled to remember weather it was waxing or waning. As a youkai of darkness she should hate light of any sort, but… she always found moonlight comforting. ...Strange as it sounded, Rumia hated New Moons, nights when it was dark and when she was at her strongest…. Rumia didn’t like New Moons.  “And then the fog comes and I forget. How many times have we had this talk?”

Looking down, Rumia closed her eyes and murmured, “...I remember being bigger and sadder sometimes. I forget though. I forgot for a long time. When I do, everything’s nice and simple and I just go around biting people.”0 She shook her head softly- “Never eating them though. I’ve found better things to eat like these lamprey.”

She took another bite, savoring the softness of the flesh and the umami of the sauce. Mystia really did know how to make good lamprey.

“ I don’t know why but that seems important,” Swallowing the bite, Rumia finished her thought, ”To let you know that I’m eating and I’m… not hungry.”

There was a slight pause before she  continued

“They say I’m a man-eating yokai, you know. I accepted that, but… I genuinely can’t remember the last time I ate a human.” Rumia pondered upon that discrepancy. The difference between the story everyone knew and her fuzzy recollections of her actions. That was an important discrepancy, possibly even an important lie her current life was based on.Yet it was one of the hardest thoughts to keep hold of., “...I’m scared to,” Rumia sighed,

Rumia then blinked, confused as to what she was talking about. She was… scared of something. What was it she was scared of again? Biting her lip, Rumia forced back tears as thoughts began slipping. It always slipped away right when she was…

Was..

...It was gone. Whatever it was she was trying to remember, it was gone. Soon even the worry about things disappearing would be gone and she would be stupid, childish Rumia again.

“I kept on getting the urge to run from the new miko, you know,” Rumia forced out quickly, trying to voice her worries before they disappeared yet again, “But now… I want to run to her too.”

She spat thoughts out as quickly as possible, her stick of lamprey half-eaten but clutched tightly in her hand. Fist white, eyes tearing, Rumia spoke. Spoke of what she did, what she feared ,what she loved. She spoke as if she was talking to a friend, one who had to leave soon and she didn’t know when they would meet again, so Rumia tried to remember everything that she could as fast, no faster, than she could forget.

...Eventually though, the Gap between remembrance and amnesia closed and Rumia felt clarity fading.

“One day, I’m going to remember. Remember all of it,” Rumia stated while she still could. Not vowed, stated. As sure as she forgot everytime, one day, she knew that she was going to remember all of it one last time and there would be no forgetting any of it. As much as Rumia hated the forgetting, Rumia dreaded that remembering too. There would be no hiding from the pain then.

...There was a reason a grave was here and Rumia was terrified that she was the reason why. Wiping her face, Rumia confessed, “Something’s going to hurt.” she sobbed a single time“...Something already broke. I’m scared, Koemi. I’m so...”

Stating that name, saying it was like dropping ink into clear water. Her memories, already fading, blotched and patched suddenly, forcing Rumia onto her knees. Spreading her arms wide to combat the oncoming vertigo in an attempt to regain balance, Rumia shook her head sorrowfully, “It’s fading now.” Blinking blearily, Rumia choked out,  “I don’t know when I’ll visit again, but…”

The clearing disappeared, darkness drowning it, obscuring the youkai, the grave, and memory. Any would-be passersby would have disappeared immediately upon seeing, drawn into the deep darkness. None passed though, and it was simply alone, simply lonely. TIme passed and slowly, it brightened again to reveal a child-like youkai and a grave.

“...Hm? Why was I here?” Rumia cocked her head with a smile, an empty smile filled with confusion. Touching her cheeks, she kept her smile up as she wondered why her cheeks were wet.

Rumia shrugged. This happened every so often, this moment where she woke up in this clearing. It wasn’t anything to worry about. Enveloping herself in darkness, she flew off. Dawn was near and the sun would be rising soon. It was bright and painful to her, so she typically cut it off. While she couldn’t see outside her own darkness, it was still better than being hurt and it was something she chose for herself. That seemed strangely important to her. That she chose to blind herself. So long as it was her choice, it was fine.

Even if she flew into trees a few too many times.