SpanishRed

Dealing with Heartbreak is Easy

Dealing with heartbreak is as easy as walking on Saturn’s rings. You wake up at 2 am with dust in your eyes and a wad of straw in your throat swearing that this day—this godawful day—you...

I Tried to Get Only Fans Spam

Only Fans models are spammy. That’s what they say. In fact, dudebros receive approximately a million times more spam than they send to women’s inboxes asking if we wanna fuck. I decided to find...

I feel grateful that my home country has a different kind of power—the sort that changes lives instead of ending them.

My country has one of the most evolved constitutions in the world. It was written to make sure the horrors of apartheid could never happen again, no matter what future presidents might attempt. We ...

Hope

The Dudebro Drinking Game

Every time a dudebro accuses The Females of being irrational and emotional while simultaneously SHOUTING IN CAPITALS AND SCREACHING EMOTIONALLY, drink one shot of tequila.

 ...

So You Want to Keep Politics off Fetlife

When I first found the kink scene, I thought about politics once every four years during voting season. Hell, I didn’t even call myself a feminist. Fetlife is one of the most politically charged ...

More on Privilege

Sometimes Loneliness Makes You Scary

George is a hulking pooch who loves rough-and-tumble play. He’s big enough to kill you and unpredictable enough to suggest he might do exactly that, so most of the volunteers do little more than ...

Contraception

The Pearly Gate to BDSM Wisdom

I joined Fetlife at around the four-million-member mark. Everywhere I looked, there were kinky people who knew all the intricacies of BDSM. I thought that, within a few years, I would be the same. ...

If you believe your sub is weaker than you, you probably don’t understand them well enough to dominate them at all.

You never knew what you’d get when S came home. He’d spend many hours thinking up new ways to torture me, so I never knew what I’d get that night. I only knew it would be interesting. E came ...

New Writer's Workshop with One-on-One Coaching

I've created a new writer's workshop on Fet. Yesterday I suggested two options: A feedback-driven workshop to wrestle with the practicalities of writing, or an inspiration-focused group with creati...

Confucius say if you want to get laid on Fetlife, you have to be just fine with not getting laid on Fetlife.

Fetlife is divided into two kinds of men:

• Those who understand women.

• Those who do not.

Jack is one of the latter. He belongs to “Fuck or Pass” grou...

Advising Rape Survivors to Go to the Police

Anatomy of a Rape Apology

After he raped me, R turned up outside my house night after night to insist I hear his apology. If I wasn't going to listen of my own volition, he'd just turn up the next day and wait. And wait. An...

You Don’t Get a Say in How Others Play

Yesterday, a couple informed me that people who engage in pick-up play and opt-in negotiations don't belong in the kink scene.

The Cape Town scene can be rather flighty. H flogs at least a th...

I Don't Believe in Miracles

How To Negotiate a Scene in One Minute Flat

Meet June. She's allergic to everything: Nuts, fish, lactose, eggs, seeds, soy, and approximately a million other things. When she goes to a restaurant, she sends her five-page list of allergens to...

Privilege

It's Just the Internet

Don’t take Fetlife seriously. It's just the internet. All the friends you make there are made from pixels. It’s true. Just the other day, I had a Fetlife member over for dinner, and she didn’...

City Streets Don't Teach You How to Climb Mountains: A Note About Rape Culture

Two days ago, I wrote a note asking for advice for a friend’s daughter. She’s looking for accommodation in Amsterdam and has found a room in a man’s house. In that post, I wrote:

How to Talk to Someone with Clinical Depression

When you’re depressed, doctors will tell you to talk about it. Being mirrored by another human is one of the most effective ways to speed up your recovery. The trouble is that few people know how...

After I Die from Ebola

Two weeks ago, I went to the doctor. She wrote up a pathology form for a mammogram, which I took home and stashed on top of the five other unfulfilled mammogram requests she’s written for me in t...

My Supercalifragilistic List of Potential Definitions for a “No-Limits Sub”

• A guaranteed consent violation waiting to happen.

• Self-Destruct by Dominant: A super fun hobby until you realise it destroys your dominant, too.

• What perfectly...

  2024-07-01 10:58:43 +0000 UTC View Post

I Once Met a Belt I Didn't Like

Belts are my favourite kink toy for I am Spanish Red Butt, mother to a repurposed wooden spoon, sister to a box of glitter, and I will have my bratty ways in this life or the next. I’ve ne...

The Trouble with Polite Predators

I received a polite letter the other day:

How’re you doing? … I spent most of the week blissfully happy, thinking of you wishing you were here.

2024-06-28 07:03:53 +0000 UTC View Post

Things I've Learned About Chronic Illness

- When you’re too tired to finish today, you can usually do this hour. When you can’t do this hour, you can usually do this second. When you can’t do this second, it’s time to ...

I’ve never been good at being. I’m always too busy hiding.

I’ve never been good at being. I’m always too busy hiding. My father abandoned me at five. My mother abandoned me every day after that, so I developed a belief that there was somet...

The Relationship Roundabout

H was a jack in the box: in, out, here, gone, here. He wanted me infinitely … until he didn’t. We had magic and fairy dust and every other enchantment you can wish for in a relationship. If our...

Politeness and Predators

I’m not the world’s worst judge of character. I’m always stepping onto human landmines having known all along that they were going to throw up shrapnel eventually. I doubt my own interpretati...