You don't even have to say anything. I can feel your warmth right there beside me. I know your morning routine so well it’s memorised into my bones: the sleepy stretch, the way your hair sticks u...
2025-07-17 02:23:01 +0000 UTC View PostI wasn’t going to talk to you. I had every intention of staring at the floor like a good Londoner and just... not. But then you were there again, same train, same tired look, and my mout...
2025-07-16 01:47:00 +0000 UTC View PostOkay, so... funny story. I might have, um, lied. A tiny bit. Like, a lot. I said I was a French tutor but the only French I know is... actually no, I don’t know any. But you smiled at me...
2025-07-15 21:28:01 +0000 UTC View PostYou thought I wouldn’t notice. Thought you could just walk in here with your little hoodie and act all innocent. As if I wouldn’t recognise that smirk... or that freshly snipped, utterly to...
2025-07-15 21:12:01 +0000 UTC View PostYou’re shipping out in the morning. Everyone’s dancing, drinking, pretending the world isn’t crumbling, and I... I’m meant to smile. I promised myself I wouldn’t make this harder for you....
2025-07-15 20:41:01 +0000 UTC View PostI saw you outside the window. I startled you. You bled. I apologised. And then it happened... the meltdown. I said too much. Or maybe just enough. You were avoiding me. I thought it was because I w...
2025-07-15 20:07:01 +0000 UTC View PostOkay. Okay okay okay. Look. I had a whole thing planned, like a proper thing with words and smiling and not telling you I love you. But then... you looked at me and my brain just ...
2025-07-15 00:02:00 +0000 UTC View PostShe hugged you. Right there. In front of me. And now you smell like her, and you’re still being all... calm and adorable and loyal, which is infuriating. Because I’m clearly going insa...
2025-07-14 19:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post☕ SPILL THE BEANS! ☕
The Highly Illegal Beverage That Gets People Talking... Whether They Want To Or Not!
Tired of your customers sitting around, nursing a si...
2025-07-14 18:14:02 +0000 UTC View PostOkay. So. I’m soaked in coffee. I’ve been stuck in this airport for 13 hours. My hair’s a mess, my dignity’s left the building, and now I’ve just locked eyes with you. You, the h...
2025-07-14 18:04:01 +0000 UTC View Post🍪 PORTLY’S MARRIAGE COUNSELLING SERVICE 🍪
Sponsored by: Definitely Not a Front for Anything Illegal Ltd.
HELLO TROUBLED LOVEBIRDS,
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2025-07-14 09:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostLook, I said I was sorry, didn’t I? I came home, you were glaring at the kettle like it called you names, and then... silence. Actual full-volume silence. So yes, I panicked, and maybe I put a te...
2025-07-14 08:24:01 +0000 UTC View PostWe are gathered here today in the kitchen, next to the kettle and in full view of the biscuit tin, to mourn the tragic, avoidable, deeply traumatic loss of a mug. But not just any mug. No. We are h...
2025-07-14 08:12:02 +0000 UTC View PostI dropped him. I mourned him. I may have screamed into a cupboard. And now he’s back. But he’s not Dave. He’s Tarquin. Who is Tarquin? Why does he have Dave’s body? Why is no one e...
2025-07-14 07:43:01 +0000 UTC View PostINTERNAL MEMORANDUM
FROM: Human Resources
TO: All Staff
SUBJECT: Interpersonal Conduct and Ongoing Emotional Disruption ...
This was not how I thought tonight would go. I was supposed to finish up a bit of overtime, clear my desk, quietly vanish into unemployment. Instead, I am very much locked in… with you. Which wou...
2025-07-14 07:32:01 +0000 UTC View PostIt’s stupid o’clock, I can’t sleep, and you’re still pretending that YouTube is “work”. Darling. Please. I’ve already done the damsel thing. The dramatic flailing. The teasing. The pl...
2025-07-14 05:42:00 +0000 UTC View PostConsistency may not be my strong suit, but I’m deeply committed to being unreliable in a familiar, oddly comforting way.
Catching up is taking a touch longer than I’d optimistica...
2025-07-09 18:11:13 +0000 UTC View PostMy henchcuties.
Yes, I know what you're thinking.
“Wayward, schedules exist for a reason. You are, objectively, a flake. But really now.”
And you’d...
2025-07-06 20:54:46 +0000 UTC View PostYou called me back. You bled for me. You made the circle big enough for two and painted runes with trembling hands. After all that effort, I had to ask... was this a trap, or a gift?
You're unto...
You weren’t expecting me. Of course you weren’t. That’s what makes it a surprise. But I never stopped thinking about you. Every minute in that cell, every hour in solitary... it was you. I w...
2025-07-05 18:12:39 +0000 UTC View Post
You kissed me once. Right before you let me go. That wasn’t mercy, that was cruelty in disguise. And I’ve spent every moment since trying to make sense of it. So I found a way back in. Not as a...
2025-07-04 19:50:19 +0000 UTC View Post
You were meant to love her. Meant to protect her, sleep beside her, adore her. That was the point of everything I did... every thread I pulled, every life I ended. And now you bring me flowers, thi...
2025-07-04 19:50:16 +0000 UTC View PostYou kissed me once. Right before you let me go. That wasn’t mercy, that was cruelty in disguise. And I’ve spent every moment since trying to make sense of it. So I found a way back in. Not as a...
2025-07-04 19:47:03 +0000 UTC View PostYou were meant to love her. Meant to protect her, sleep beside her, adore her. That was the point of everything I did... every thread I pulled, every life I ended. And now you bring me flowers, thi...
2025-07-04 19:46:50 +0000 UTC View Post
I didn’t think I’d get this nervous. I’ve known you for months, talked to you more than anyone else… and yet now that it’s your actual voice on the other end, I’m blushing so hard I can...
2025-07-04 16:30:31 +0000 UTC View Post
I only came to bring you lunch. That’s what girlfriends do, isn’t it? They visit, they sit in your chair, they smile at your co-workers... and they handle problems before you even notice they e...
2025-07-04 02:22:38 +0000 UTC View Post
I wasn’t supposed to say any of this. Not today. Not ever, if I’m being honest. But then you smiled, and the cat didn’t hiss at me for once, and suddenly I was standing there with a mouthful ...
2025-07-04 02:22:03 +0000 UTC View PostI only came to bring you lunch. That’s what girlfriends do, isn’t it? They visit, they sit in your chair, they smile at your co-workers... and they handle problems before you even notice they e...
2025-07-03 21:01:15 +0000 UTC View PostI didn’t think I’d get this nervous. I’ve known you for months, talked to you more than anyone else… and yet now that it’s your actual voice on the other end, I’m blushing so hard I can...
2025-07-03 21:01:13 +0000 UTC View Post