Ancilla L

Sadists Made Me Believe In Magic.

When I was younger, I was extremely attracted to anger. I’m not an angry person myself, it takes a lot to stoke my ire, nor am I fond of angry people, anger was a means to an end fo...

Podcast E74: 10 Communication Mistakes You Might Be Making.

This episode is public for 24-hours only. You know the drill.

Tiny Pathetic Cock.

His hands wander so close. They graze over the pit of my abdomen and the insides of my thighs, never quite making contact with the cunt between my legs, but always making it seem like they m...

An Intimate Distance.

As I look up, I notice there are tears rolling down her cheeks, but I wouldn’t say that she is crying. There is nothing active about it. Despite the apparent displeasure of this state ...

Podcast E73: 10 Mistakes You May Be Making In Relationships.

Contemplating Ethics.

In the early years of my exploration within the “kink community” I had a few experiences that I have come to view differently over the course of the years. There was the time when I ended a rel...

Podcast E72: In which I am a guest on my own podcast!

That's literally what happened. I let my husband interview me and gave detailed tips on how to conduct a good interview. I am actually qualified to do that, it's not just me talking out of my ass.&...

The Relationship HighCast: Impact of Parenting on Relationships

Many things impact relationships, but parenting seems to have a rather large impact on them. In this episode, we discuss the types of impact parenting has on relationships of all kinds. 

The Masochism Sextbook: Full Book!

Hello all! 

This is the full book, The Masochism Sextbook. It is freely available to all my patrons. You can download it but please do not distribute or post anywhere.  2024-03-08 03:56:17 +0000 UTC View Post

Precocious Puberty and The Sin Of Growing Up Too Fast.

Precocious puberty is a term I first heard when I eight-years old and seated in front of a fifty-year old endocrinologist. I had absolutely no idea what it meant but I knew that something about get...

The Weight of An Old Soul.

I was dead once. 

A thousand people came every day to my mausoleum.

In airy fabrics and sensible shoes, they perambulated ove...

The Perfectly Broken Girl.

There was something broken about me around him.

I never raised my voice at him. I never forgot what he had told me to do. I never failed at conforming to the ideals of behaviour th...

The Masochism Sextbook: Chapter 1.

The Masochism Sextbook is a book about the exploration, comprehension and practise of masochism. The first chapter is being exclusively released to my patrons. I will release all chapters on Patreo...

One Man Leads To Another.

The first time I cried during sex was the second time I had sex. Or to be more accurate, the second time sex was had with me. They weren't accidental tears that just roll off ...

Podcast E71: 10 Mistakes You May Be Making As A Dominant.

In continuation of the "10 Mistakes" series, I am discussing dominant mistakes in this episode (and I had a shit tonne of fun doing it). 

Class Notes: Effective Sadism.

Workbooks, notes and hand-outs from all my classes are available for download for my Patreons. Please, do not disseminate. CC

The Relationship HighCast: Episode 7: Change in relationships.

What happens when people change in relationships? What kind of change hinders relationships? How is our relationship with change determined and how does that impact the relationships in our lives? ...

The Performance Of Sexuality.

A few years ago, I stopped attending any play-parties. It was partly because of a few bad experiences with boundaries but mostly because there was something about playing in public in that capacity...

Podcast E70: The Ethics of Being A Kink Educator.

There is much to discuss on this front and I have some questions. 

Contextualisation as a survival mechanism.

Yesterday, during a conversation about how we develop physical boundaries through life, my therapist asked me if I understood the difference between a good touch and a bad tou...

What The Kink? A Compilation.

I have compiled an introductory book of personal essays on BDSM that is available for free for download for my Patrons. 

Please Don't Beat Me, Anymore.

Content Warning; Consensual Non-consent, Total Power Exchange and General Morbidity.

.....

I can see him accumulate an arsenal of implements on the bed but my brain is too foggy ...

Podcast E69: 10 Mistakes You May Be Making As A Masochist.

This episode is public for 24-hours only.  

The Relationship HighCast: Bonus Episode: Love

This Patrons-only epsiode of The Relationship HighCast is about love and it is as whimsical as it should have been. 

Why did you tell me you love me while I was hurting you?

'Why did you tell me you love me when I was hurting you?'

You asked. 

And I realised, 

I had been waiting for the question, for a long t...

Podcast E68: Weddings, Food and Culture.

My sister is getting married and it's making me break into lectures! 

I am a sexual educator because of my mother.

My mother is a complicated person. For a long time, I have had two relationships with her. One relationship as parent and child and the other as two women who respect each other. The first relation...

The Politics of Exploitative Homemaking.

In a discussion with a doctor about some unexpected health issues that I was facing, I alluded to the possibility of stress being a factor.

“I suppose my work has gotten more stressful ove...

Sharps Play: A Guide.

The handout from my sharps play workshop. Please feel free to download and read, please do not feel free to disseminate or repurpose. 

Building Your Kink-Palace on Half-Knowledge Is Like Diving Into The Ocean Having Learnt To Swim In A Bucket.

Let me tell you a fun story about a bizarre institute. A part of its program promises to teach its students to swim but they cannot afford a pool, nor to hire swim coaches, so when they enlist stud...