Ancilla L

Podcast E67: A Thousand Questions About Polyamory (and no answers)

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Emotional Masochism 101: A Detailed Guide.

I think emotional masochism is not only hard to understand, but it is also a slippery slope. There are some questions about it that immediately occur to any person, whether they are well...

Will You See The Fireflies Too?

There are two triangles embossed onto the left lapel of his shirt, the logo of some brand I do not know, even though, I am sure I bought this shirt for him. As he grips my t...

Darkness: A Sestina.

Like an elegy, your promises pour out of the darkness,
I lay beside you—breathing—yet it is me you lament,
in your terse syllables, you seem to distil moonlight,
fashioning it into a w...

The Relationship HighCast: E6: Money in Relationships.

In the latest episode of the Relationship HighCast, we discuss money in relationships of all kinds — mono, poly, kink — from a social, gendered, political and cultural perspective.

Stand In The Corner.

The long bamboo stick is still lying on the floor. Usually, it is propped up against the corner, but last night we moved it to make room for me. It’s mostly useless as an object, it could have be...

Podcast E66: Weed, Drunk Bathroom Girls And Parents.

I recorded this just as the edible was kicking in but it doesn't talk about weed the way you would expect. Really. 

What I Am Learning About Community From Hosting Kink Events.

Five years ago, if you told me that I would be teaching kink-and-sex ed classes, hosting workshops and social events, I would have wondered what was going to happen to me in the future that would m...

Podcast E65: Subjectivity, Education, Disparity and Such.

Honestly, this podcast talks about way too much and maybe nothing at all. Just how I like it. 

Inamorata.

The first time I said it, the world stopped. I had been holding onto it for ages, like sand in my grip, and each time it threatened to pour out of me, I clenched harder, cutting my palm ...

Podcast E64: 10 Mistakes You May Be Making As A Submissive

You could be making some mistakes as a submissive. Wanna find out what they may be?

The River.

As he holds my head under the water, I grasp at the riverbed for support. The soil is loose, the more I scratch, the more gravel I unearth. The water shoots up my nose and inside my mout...

Podcast E64: Community leadership and The Games People Play.

Community is good. Community is weird. Community is a competition. Community is wholesome. Community has the potential to be toxic. Community is loud. Community can foster silence. Say you want to ...

Safewords For Non-Sexual Touch.

I have a safeword for non-sexual touch. Okay, I don't actually have a safe-word for non-sexual touch. Well, I did come up with one (to use within my primary relationship), it was *elephant*, and I ...

How BDSM Interacts With Indian Society.

BDSM In India: A Community In Context.

Eleven years ago, I went to a café in South Delhi to meet a group of BDSM-practioners I had encountered on a website called Fetlife. Fetlife...

Class Notes: Erotic Expressionism

Hello! 

I taught a class on Erotic Expressionism recently. Please find attached the complete set of notes I used to teach the class. Please do not disseminate the notes, they are for you...

The practice of exploiting loopholes by tops.

For the past few years, I have become more and more interested in a certain type of potential predator. Oh god, when I put it like that it sounds like I am interested in dating them, I mean I have ...

Podcast E63: Two Kinds of Useful.

How do you summarise something that has no point? Here's what this week's podcast is about:

- What if age is not just a number?
- Masochism as a sexuality and as a sensibility.
- A ...

The Relationship HighCast: Bonus Episode: An Interview With My Husband!

I ask him questions, he answers, and then I try to answer for him. Or something. 

A Shameful Morning.

I open my eyes to find my fingers are already in his hand as he is pulling away from me. He seems to have kissed my forehead. My hair smells of his aftershave, I'm fairly certain that's what woke m...

Podcast E62: Where Do You Fit Into Queer History?

Where in the world do you find history? If you don't feel like you fit into the history of the movement of your people, where do you belong? Does feeling queer enough matter? How do you decide what...

The Relationship HighCast: E5: Co-Habitation!

This is my favourite episode so far! In this edition of The Relationship HighCast we talk about Co-habitation: What makes one do it? What makes one not want to do it? What is it like to live with s...

Class Notes: Sexual Communication

This is a class I designed to teach better, more specific and detailed communication practises to the end of a more ethical, informed and pleasurable practise of sexuality. The notes are detailed e...

Chronicle of A Kidnapping.

The old mat keeps rolling up against my back, I push it out of the way with my shoulder, but like me, it has little room or opportunity to settle, so it rolls right back. For what it is, this space...

Relationships Are Only As Dangerous As The People In Them.

My ex and I did not have a well established dynamic of any kind however we did have a choice few rules that were indicative of our dynamic. One of those rules was that I don't say no to anything he...

Podcast E61: Are Friendships The Hardest Relationships?

A personal and social evaluation of friendships are multi-layered relationships of great complexity (to some people, anyway). 

Love And Lamentation.

He is teaching me to kiss. It is as otiose an endeavour as one can be, I’m never going to learn and what’s more is that I don’t want to. In any case, the purpose of this heuristic ...

The Fabric of Slavery.

I'm ashamed of the fact that I identify as a slave. Hear me out, before you react, I am very comfortable with my affinity for pain and more importantly, I understand it. Pain, to me, feels like the...

The Relationship HighCast: E4: Attraction and What Causes It.

What causes attraction? What keeps it there? Does it survive long-term love? How does it change over time? Why does it disappear? Where does it go? How is it different from interest? Is a relations...

Podcast E60: Having Children and Not Having Them.

A lot about parenting. But not all.