Ancilla L

Toys.

It might have been a cold, winter evening. I really don't remember what time of year it was but for literary value let's say it was a cold, winter evening and the frost was staring to form on the p...

Little Girls Like To Play Games.

I was playing the fool. As we snuggled together in our bed, I was gently poking his nipples with my nails just to hear him protest and squeal through my giggles. I'm deeply ashamed of my...

In A Chamber of Ice.

In the dark you look like a robot as you move your arm from the elbow repeatedly in the exact same motion to bring the unfurling flogger down between my legs. It's old, we should get rid of it....

The Director.

As soon as he calls for the scene to be wrapped up, I collapse onto the chair behind me. My feet are throbbing but I wouldn't dare remove these shoes until he tells me that I can. A young w...

Podcast E59: How To Support A Loved One Who Has Been Sexually Abused.

This is not a definitive prescription on the matter, it is merely a helpful guide. Do not undermine the autonomy or agency of any victims or survivors who may reach out to you for support.

Podcast E58: Dealing With Being Disliked (and admitting that it does bother us).

What if you are accustomed to taking the high-road so pathologically, you are unable to ever see the damage dislike and hatred does to you? Well, more than that, but that's the gist. 

Podcast E57: The Trauma That We Inherit and Pass On

There are things I do because I inherited certain habits from my parents, but there are also things I am because I inherited their pain and developed behaviour in response to their reactions. How d...

The CNC Sextbook: Chp 3: Communication Practises That Aid CNC

Note: This is part of a textbook I am writing for the practise of CNC. The entire textbook will be available on my Patreon, the 2023-06-06 09:19:38 +0000 UTC View Post

The CNC Sextbook: Chp 2: Negotiating For CNC

Note: This is part of a textbook I am writing for the practise of CNC. The entire textbook will be available on my Patreon, the 2023-06-05 06:47:55 +0000 UTC View Post

The Relationship Highcast: E3: Understanding What Makes Dark Dynamics Healthy.

There are some relationship dynamics that are darker than others, ones that contain elements of CNC, emotional masochism, edge play, trauma, total power exchange etc, and often these relationships ...

Mistress.

I can only be taken out after the party is over.

When everyone is gone,

And the prying eyes have retreated for the day.

When only those remain,

the ones who are priv...

Podcast E56: Functionality and Perfection as Trauma Responses

I am not an expert on trauma but this is as detailed an understanding of the various responses to trauma as I am capable of mustering. 

You Cannot Take It Anymore.

I woke up because I realised I was alone in bed. When I reached out with my arm, hoping to find the warmth of his body to drape over myself like an old, familiar blanket, I found nothing but co...

The CNC Sextbook: Chp 1: What is Consensual Non-Consent?

(A Word document of these notes can be downloaded at the bottom of this page, please do not disseminate). 

...

Chapter 1
What is Consensual Non-Consent?

Chapter Overview....

Podcast E55: But That's Not My Point!

How important is the point? What is my point? That's not the point. This description reveals nothing of what I actually talk about, I talk about being a woman in the workplace, the performance of h...

Class Notes: Predators and Red-Flags.

Predators and Red Flags.


Red Flags.
A red-flag is a warning system to signal an emergency or potential danger. It does not work as well when you start to use it ...

Class-Notes: How To Start Writing.

Note: I am compiling and writing various text-books (one on writing, erotic writing and a few on kink), as I work through them I will post each "class" on here so all the information in the final t...

Sexual Piety.

I've always felt that in another life I could have been extremely pious. I have no god in this one and unfortunately the political reality and inherent chastity of religion keeps me from engaging i...

Podcast E54: 10 Specific Communication Practices That Could Help You Develop A Better Dynamic.

^ That.  

Communication is difficult but specificity helps. These tips are as specific as I can get. 

Podcast E53: Way Too Much About Emotions.

I'm learning new things about emotions (which are likely not new things to most people). I still had things to say about it though. 

Enjoy!

All That Glitters.

          As I make my way towards the stage, through the labyrinth of guests and servers, I am interrupted by a young woman with a tray of dr...

The Relationship Highcast: Episode 2: Retaining Individuality and Autonomy in Relationships.

How do you maintain individuality in a relationship? What hampers it? Why is it even important? How do you define individuality? What threatens people in relationships about individuality? All of t...

Old Fantasies Are Like Old Books.

"I want to touch you," I told him, from across my desk, "I wish I could just walk over to you and touch you."

It sounds like a very simple desire, doesn't it? I love him, he loves m...

Podcast E52: How Do You Keep The Kink Fresh In Long-Term Relationships?

Sometimes in long-term relationships the kink and sexuality starts to fade or suffer. Why does this happen? How can you study your relationship to determine what is causing this? What can you do to...

The Industry Of Modern Sex In India

“He took the diamonds back,” Chandini told me, “The last time I visited him, he told me to give them to him so he could keep them safe while we were out and about, but then he just �...

Podcast E51: Relationships With Friends.

I started off recording a podcast about needles, but sadly needles didn't come up at all. All my friends, the experience of communication, socio-economic impacts on relationships and puppies being ...

How Do You Learn Your Gender?

I've said this a thousand times, I'll say it a thousand times more, I identify as a woman for political reasons, and a lot that began because I was..well, assigned female at birth (which is not at ...

Podcast E50: My Husband Crashes My Podcast!

I interviewed my husband on my podcast because he was a little drunk and I was a little stoned. It was a wonderful time :)

Enjoy?

Bruises, Scars and Marks.

I've been avoiding going out for a couple of weeks. When I do go out, I've been wearing long-sleeved shirts even though it's quite warm. It's because of the marks on my arms. The marks were made wi...

Podcast E49: The Aftermath of A Penitent Season

I did a podcast as the epilogue to A Penitent Season to talk about how one recovers from that, how I am recovering from it and how it feels. It's a little wistful.