MB Interview: Clarence Garfield

On stage, Nicholas Wiseman sits across from Clarence Garfield. Their sense of styles could not be more different: Nick wears an emerald green dinner jacket that tiptoes the line between “classy” and “host club,” while Clarence wears a dark grey business suit with overlong sleeves, of a style that can best be summarized as “accountant at a funeral.”

Nick faces the camera. He lacks the usual sparkle in his eye, and his voice is dull and dejected.

Nick: Welcome, everyone, to today’s interview. Our guest in Aeon Administrator Clarence Garfield.

Clarence, either oblivious to or ignoring Nick’s attitude, waves cheerily to the audience with a what seems to be a genuine smile. (The smile’s genuineness is unable to be verified on this transcript, however, as this transcriber has never before seen Clarence Garfield smile without doing so sarcastically.)

Clarence: I'm pleased to be here, Justice.

Nick: No thanks necessary—it wasn’t my call.

Clarence’s smile tightens.

Nick: Our showrunner suggested this interview because she claims that you have an ‘inside scoop on Aeon and its workers.’

Nick throws a dark look towards the curtain’s small gap, through which Sally flashes him a thumbs-up.

Nick: But before we get to these no doubt juicy anecdotes, our viewers want to learn more about you. Who is Clarence Garfield? What makes you tick? Why are you such an burning asshole, and who hurt you that made you that way?

Through the curtain gap, Sally can be seen facepalming.

Clarence looks taken aback.

Clarence, stiffly: No one ‘hurt’ me. And if you only invited me on this show to hurl juvenile insults at me, then I’ll be leaving.

Nick: That would be gr—

Nick’s eyes fall on Sally, whose expression is, to phrase it delicately, one that promises his future demise unless he course-correct. Nick sighs.

Nick: That would be greatly inconvenient for our audience. Alright, Garfield, new question. Why work for Unity?

Clarence: That should be obvious.

Nick: Given that you seem to hate everyone there, it’s really not.

Clarence: I don’t hate everyone at Unity. I look down on those who abuse their position and put the organization in danger, but I'm completely loyal to Unity and its purpose to aide people.

Nick, sounding doubtful: Uh-huh.

Clarence sniffs.

Clarence: If my dedication to Unity’s noble cause puts me at odds with those who care more for their own vainglorious reputation and self-gratification than being in service to others—so be it.

Nick: Yeah, yeah, you’ve made your opinion on me crystal clear. But why be cruel to Button?

Clarence laughs.

Clarence: Cruel? Cruel is being forced to watch as UCRT’s leadership is taken over by an irresponsible hooligan who can’t even be relied on to fill out his healthcare paperwork on time. Cruel is that I’m the one who’s held accountable by the PR Department for your failure to submit press interaction reports.

Nick: Did you just call me a hooligan? I thought you were closer to thirty than eighty.

Clarence: Cruel is endangering myself, my niece, and everyone else in Aeon to appease the ego of a brain-scrambled adolescent who has no right becoming an MIV.

Nick, softly: I suggest you watch what you say about my sibling, Garfield.

Clarence: Why? Because I was wrong? Because they proved that they’re not a liability and would never do anything to endanger Unity?

Clarence taps his lips with his index finger thoughtfully. 

Clarence: Oh, wait. I almost forgot: Wiseman the Younger blew up the building.

Nick: That’s enough. Button wasn’t the only person that could’ve been controlled.

Clarence: Perhaps not, but they were the easiest. I wasn’t cruel, Justice. I was right.

Nick: If not Button, someone else would’ve been mentally coerced. Are you implying that Unity should only employ Ments capable of resisting telepathic command?

Clarence: Not at all. But why invite someone who doubles the chance of such incidents occurring and can leak secrets to the enemy? There’s a reason that even your own parents were against their child’s enrollment.

Nick: My parents were worried that Button would find it hard to always be around Ments.

Clarence: This time, you were the one hurt. But what about next time? Who needs to die for you to admit that your sibling has no place at Unity?

Nick: My sibling earned a perfect score on the ASE; there is no one more deserving of being in the MIV Program. Remind me: what was your ASE score again, Garfield?

Clarence’s cheeks blotch with color.

Clarence: That’s irrelevant.

Nick: You didn’t pass, did you?

Clarence: Yet Aeon breaks rules to accept the likes of Taliaferro Parker.

Nick: She must’ve scored better than you on the ASE.

Clarence: She did not.

Nick blinks, taken aback by Clarence’s forceful admission. For his part, Clarence is glaring down at his shoes.

Nick: You were waitlisted for the MIV Program?

Clarence nods shortly.

Clarence: Unity was once an organization of rules and ideals. I longed to serve that in whatever capacity I could. Now, all that the Dean cares about is that students have the right sponsor. A brother in UCRT willing to pull nepotistic strings, an instructor willing to mentor a student to further his own goals.

Nick: Have you met Dean Branham? My support of Button meant less than Button’s ASE score—Adsila isn’t the type of person to let someone that potentially useful escape her clutches. As for Glitch . . . Kim is a jerkwad, but he has an eye for talent.

Clarence glares at Nick.

Nick: Look, I still think that you’re a—

A loud beep sounds as Nick’s next words are bleeped over.

Nick: —but I sort of get it. You feel like you’ve been treated unfairly.

Clarence: No! It’s Unity that's being treated unfairly. Unity isn’t meant to be a place of family dynasties and power plays; it’s supposed to be filled with heroes. Not—not—

Clarence breaks off spluttering, breath short with emotion.

Clarence: Unity is supposed to be better than you.

Nick’s face goes blank, some part of Clarence’s accusation having clearly struck home. When he once again speaks, his tone is civil, cold, and tautly controlled. 

Nick: I see.

Clarence: Doubtful.

Nick: I assume that you have suggestions for how Unity could improve?

Clarence: Plenty. Blind admissions, for one. No names on the tests, only numbers. Your sibling never would’ve been let in if that Zero didn't belong to a Wiseman.

Nick: So we just get rid of background checks altogether? Sure, that sounds super feasible and not at all like inviting Vengeance members to apply.

Clarence: Background checks can be performed after acceptance letters are issued, and that acceptance withdrawn if anything raises alarms.

Nick: So, accept anyone who passes the tests and then reject over half of them because they don’t meet qualifications. Gotcha. Never mind that most successful ASE takers are personally invited by Aeon’s board due to their achievements elsewhere. Any other super helpful suggestions?

Clarence, with a disdainful look at Nick: UCRT leadership should be decided based upon seniority within the team.

Nick: Being on the team for a long time doesn’t mean that someone is capable or willing to lead it.

Clarence: A proven track record is more reliable than picking the person who has the most famous mommy and daddy.

Nick: You’re an idiot.

Clarence: I’m right.

Nick: No, you’re not. Unity didn’t want me taking over as Justice because they knew it would look like nepotism. I was selected because, believe it or not, I was deemed to be the most suitable choice.

Clarence: So suitable that they hired you a babysitter.

Nick: You know what happened during my first mission with UCRT?

Nick’s voice is so low that it’s almost a growl.

Nick: Hostage situation, little girl, four years old. Everyone on UCRT had a different opinion on how to approach the building—two hours, they wasted arguing because no one was willing to accept that their plan might end up getting a child killed.

Clarence: I don't see how—

Nick: All our plans had a chance of getting that kid killed, but she was guaranteed to die if we didn’t get her out. I picked the plan which had the greatest chance of saving her, knowing that if something went wrong that it would be on my conscious. Not the rest of the team’s—mine. Because I made the call.

Nick leans forward, looking grim.

Nick: That is why Unity’s Board approved me as Justice. Not because I’m the most powerful, not because my record-breaking APE score, and not because of who my parents are. Unity appointed me to be Justice because I was the only person willing to make that call. And since then, I’ve made a thousand calls just like it, because inaction and indecision gets people killed.

Nick blows out a long, slow breath. Clarence, torn between being belligerent and being apologetic, remains silent.

A long moment passes before Nick once again speaks.

Nick: Let’s move on because there’s something I’ve been dying to ask. You always seem to know everything going on Aeon.

Clarence: Thank you.

Nick: Wasn’t a compliment. Still, you must know some pretty crazy stories about our coworkers.

Clarence leans back in his chair, smug now that he senses that he has something Nick wants.

Clarence: Perhaps.

Nick: What about Kim?

Clarence: What about him?

Nick: Garfield, this is an interview. Answer the damn question: do you have any juicy gossip on Kim?

Clarence: I would never stoop so low as to spread stories about my coworkers.

Nick: Come on. The audience is hanging on to your every word.

Clarence: It would be unprofessional.

Nick: Remember, Kim is the one who pushed Parker through the admissions process.

Clarence: I once entered Instructor Kim’s office without knocking.

Nick leans forward eagerly.

Nick: And?

Clarence: He had a TV show running on his laptop.

Nick: And?

Clarence: It was a cartoon.

Nick: Which cartoon?!

Clarence: That old cartoon with the three racoon-ish characters. Something-maniacs.

Nick: Animaniacs?

Clarence: That would be it. Kim was grading papers while watching this cartoon. He was laughing.

Nick: Kim watches cartoons.

Clarence nods.

Nick: Ambrose My-Face-Froze-That-Way Kim watches cartoons. Cartoons created for children. And he laughs at them.

Clarence: There was also the issue of Parker’s access codes.

Nick, still looking dazed: Oh?

Clarence: Kim let Parker use the fabrication lab before gaining permission from Dean Branham.

Nick: But why? Adsila has approved Glitch’s access for plenty of missions.

Clarence’s expression turns sour.

Clarence: The first time wasn’t for a mission—yet another abuse of power. The first time Parker was allowed to use the fabrication lab, she used it to design a small robot.

Nick: Not for a mission? What was the occasion then?

Clarence: Mother’s Day.

Nick: . . .

Nick: . . .

Nick: . . . You’re claiming that Kim let Glitch use the fabrication lab without permission, a breach of protocol for which he could get suspended, because Glitch wanted to make a present for her mom?

Clarence: When I attempted to confront him, Kim maintained that Parker was aiding him on a “secret mission.” But I looked at the lab records, and I saw what Parker made. It was a small doll designed to look like Parker. The arms opened in closed in a hug.

Nick: Wow. I— That’s sweet? I guess? Kim did something . . . sweet.

Nick shakes his head.

Nick: Nope. Doesn’t compute. That’s one story I can’t believe.

Clarence, enjoying Nick’s discomfort: Kim’s breach of proper procedure pales in comparison to yours.

Nick: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Clarence adjusts his glasses; the frames glint menacingly in the light.

Clarence: Report #685.

Nick: What?

Clarence: How would your devoted fans feel, I wonder, if they discovered that Justice dedicated his time to scribbling guitar riffs and lyrics on the back of official paperwork.

Nick blanches.

Clarence: How did those lyrics go again . . .

Nick: Please don’t.

Clarence: “Baby, baby, you drive me crazy,

Almost feels like I caught rabies.

You’re fireball whiskey in a shot glass, girl,

I wish that you were my fangirl.”

Nick, defensively: It was a work in progress.

Clarence: You rhymed ‘girl’ with ‘girl’—it was abysmal. More importantly, it was an improper usage of official UCRT paperwork.

Nick: Were you digging through my trashcan?

Clarence: No. You turned in the paperwork, clearly not realizing that you had written on the back. Only one of your many oversights as Justice.

Nick: You’re a monster, Clarence.

Clarence: What else? Let’s see . . . there’s the ghost incident.

Nick: This should be good, so long as it isn't about me.

Clarence: One of the janitors was cleaning the training rooms when he claimed to have seen a ghost. Albert refused to be alone on floor twenty-five for an entire week, and eventually the issue was brought to me. I went through the video footage with Albert.

Nick: To find the ghost?

Clarence: To prove that ghosts don’t exists. But as it turned out, Albert had seen something down there. Or rather, someone.

Nick: Who?

Clarence: Kent Zarneki had stayed late that evening to train. The young man is extremely pale and very quiet—truthfully, it’s no wonder that Albert mistook him for a specter.

Nick cracks up. When his laughter finally settles down, he wipes away a tear, wheezing.

Clarence: There’s also the matter of your sibling’s short friend.

Nick eyes the stage curtain.

Nick: I wouldn’t mention her height.

Clarence: I would argue that Alavidze’s stature should disqualify her from being an AMO. She lacks the physical prowess to—

Nick: Watch it.

Clarence rolls his eyes.

Clarence: The girl trips over herself walking down the hallway. If not for your sibling, she would never have—

Nick: Unity has always valued precognition in its agents. Even you can't claim otherwise.

Clarence: Physical ability aside, she has no respect for the organization she’ll one day represent. She defaced the Aeon property.

Nick: Sally vandalized something?

Clarence: She did! My portrait on the wall, placed there in honor of my years spent—

Nick: Hold up. The thing that Sally defaced was your portrait?

Clarence nods bitterly.

Nick: Way to go, Salome. I’m surprised you didn’t try to get her in trouble for doing so, though.

Clarence: Dean Branham said that I had inadequate proof to press charges. All I know is, my photo had no moustache when she entered that hallway. Yet the next time I looked . . .

Clarence sadly shakes his head as if overwhelmed by the utter tragedy of it all.

Clarence: It’s unacceptable.

Nick: Personally, I find it extra-acceptable. Seriously though, Garfield, is there anyone at Aeon you do like?

Clarence thinks for a moment.

Clarence: My niece, of course.

Nick: Anyone you’re not related to?

Clarence thinks some more.

Clarence: While I can’t condone his continued support of UCRT’s current leadership, Fortitude has always treated me with the upmost respect.

Nick: Let me get this straight. You hate me but you like my best friend.

Clarence regards Nick coolly.

Clarence: Fortitude turns in all of his reports on time. Without additional lyrics.

They both fall silent.

Clarence: . . . Did you manage to save that little girl?

Nick: Yes.