The "Masculinity" of Trans Women - PATRON VERSION

Funnily I really resonated with the anger you described. The masculine anger. Although I am AFAB and still presenting as a gender non confining woman (but these categories never were important for me as self- identification). I was a tomboy. Never hateful against other girls or thinking I was better, but I really never had many feminine traits. And I saw a lot of feminine traits as problematic: beauty norms I never fulfilled, being a caregiver „by nature“ or the stepping back you described when confronted with male dominance. And I was angry and violent because of the overwhelming task of navigating society and its norms. I searched for a solution in „being like a boy“ and sometimes found the more toxic parts of masculinity to perform. Being unable to connect. Keeping everything to myself. Being strong, suck it up. I like your perspective of the nurturing, protective masculinity. I will try to do better, especially with my kids :) And yeah, bonding on Star Trek is great. My now husband and me spent our first year rewatching Voyager, DS9 and TNG together.

Thanks so much for this amazing video :). I've been watching it in pieces and am just so amazed at the depth of it. I appreciate the details and personal stories that must have been very difficult to share. I resonated with the video from the beginning since I also spent Christmas-time looking over my old things at my parents place, which brought back different memories. And reading old journal entries from high school (20 years ago I wrote about my struggles with procrastination and those same struggles still resonate with me now). It had given me time to reflect on my own struggles with masculinity and community and identity. I sometimes wonder if I could have ended up in these toxic communities had I been born a bit later when they were more well established, since I could see my own thoughts following this pattern in my journal entries and memories. I think it's so useful to continue doing the work you (and others) are doing and I really appreciate it. It helps me self-reflect on myself.

Now that I've seen the entire video I would like to say: Thank you for sharing such a personal and poignant video. While there will no doubt be people who will take offence with it (as there will always be people who take offence with just about anything) I suspect that there will be far more people with whom it will resonate. Your work is appreciated. <3

Moonflower_Gal

amazing <3

Levi Licinius Paliouras

Coming here late to watch this after the YouTube video part 1. Absolutely incredible part 1. One of Jessie's best videos. Leaving this comment before watching part 2.

Kayley Whalen

I saw Part 1 on YouTube and became a patron to watch the rest. I was NOT disappointed, and, unless my financial situation changes, you will have my support going forward.

MonriaTitans

Much love right back at you <3

Jessie Earl

Dear Jessie, First I hope you're staying cool if you're still in Seattle. I've been holed up in my basement. Second, I so much appreciate how much compassion you treated this subject with. I tell anyone who will listen that the rest of us have a ton to learn from trans folks, and this is exactly why. You have experienced society from sides most of us cannot relate to, and sharing your wisdom with us is so incredibly important for helping us build an inclusive, compassionate, just society. I had a chat with my brother where he started to complain about feminism and how it completely forgets men, how he feels like he has a very strong feminine side and all he wants to do is stay home and take care of his daughter and watch her grow and teach her about the world, but he has to keep fighting against that "protagonist" box. I told him, "You know... You sound like a feminist to me." I brought up bell hooks, told him she basically wrote what he just said, IN THE 70s. This is exactly what we're struggling towards, we're NOT forgetting about men. We're just being drowned out by the Agents Smith trying to keep control over men with fear and hate. I hope I planted a tiny seed. I'm going to send part 1 to him, because I really think what you said will resonate with him. He got that Boy Scout Camp experience for four years in HS (all boys). Then he joined a fraternity, I think to keep that atmosphere around. He's definitely not radicalized, but I do think he believes more wrong things about "the left" than not, and it's keeping him blindly adherent to the Republican party because he still thinks they're "conservative" the way he sees himself being. He wants to vote for desantis because he thinks they share economic goals, though he couldn't give me any specifics when I asked. I, admittedly, am a politics junkie and have no toddler... So I've got way more time to devote to that. In any case, he may or may not watch (I'll summarize), but I hope he, and other men, get a chance to hear this message and feel seen and cared for, not driven towards more isolation and hate. Thank you again for putting this, and all your other videos, together. Now imma go watch the other half, since I finally (I'm sorry for the delay) became a patron. Much love.

Amy Gleixner

Sorry I couldn't come before. I will watch the whole, you deserve it, so much hard work. EDIT: Nearly 30? You kid! I'm nearly 60 and running rings around the 20-something in my office. Grew up with a computer at my fingers long before Windows 3.1 was a thing 😜. Don't worry, the best is yet to come! EDIT: Very moved. The thing to say to binary bigots is: "Really, are you a human being or an on-off light switch?". That usually works. When I came out, lesbians had to be butch/ masc, else you were only "experimenting" and "real" lesbians were wary of you. I experimented with butch, but no, that was not me. Now I'm a perfectly satisfied femme lesbian. So many facets of humanity, right? Love all of you that appear in the video, particularly Vera. Not totally agree with what you say, but that only shows you're the better person.❤️ EDIT: Forgot to say, afer all you disclosed in the video, incredibly BRAVE.

Esther Barba (Donnagata1409)

I am in awe of you for this. I always relate to your concerns about getting to wordy, but you really have hit the points on so many different levels. I hope to share this one with hubby too. I am headed back for the last hour now. 💜 u so much!

Melissa Thorpe

This is an amazing video Jesse! Thank you so much for making this, my fiancee and I watched it together and it brought up a lot of discussiona about masculinity and femininity that he hasn't often had the chance to reflect on. So I really appreciate this video giving us the opportunity to discuss further! One interesting note from your story that I wanted to comment on was your interactions with the lap dance in las Vegas. I do pole dances/aerial arts and take classes from strippers and former strippers. They've told me that there's something about taking people to the VIP room giving you their attention that leads people to telling them their deepest secrets or concerns at the time. Ive heard similar things from my mom who was an esthetician and massage therapist. A lot of careers that care based in some way (and predominantly filled with women) seem to have that reaction with men (and women sometimes too). It aligns with what you talked about with men looking for a women to just release their emotions too because there seems to be no other safe space. Im mostly just rambling, but this video really really made me think on a lot of things. Thank you!

Chelsea Sarah Merriman

I finally got a chance to watch and holy smokes this video really spoke to me. As always Jessie your overflowing with empathy and you show the power that holds. But what struck me most was the liberation of finding parts of yourself on a map but not letting the arbitrary boarders be the end of our own exploration. It is beyond freeing to find that masculine and feminine don’t have to be the opposite ends of the spectrum. We are all unique and when more people start their own journeys the better the world will be. Amazing video! I also loved everything Vera, Lily and Bellamy had to say, they are incredible!

I have complicated feelings about this video. I agree with everything you've said, but it's something you mentioned at the end, combined with your experience with SA, that's making me feel - I don't know what I feel - kind of protective of myself and other marginalized people who are seen as "receptacles" for men. [CW] Without going into too much detail, I had a similar experience to you, where a guy came to me because he was going through something awful and I showed him empathy which he - to be honest, I really don't know what he thought, but I don't think he saw what happened as SA. Maybe it was just taking whatever "comfort" he needed from me since I'd offered to care. Anyway, now, I find it difficult to feel empathy for what men are going through, even though I understand the position they are in, because I know from experience that there are men who misinterpret empathy as an indication that what THEY want or need is shared, even if it's not. It's not that they are inherently bad. They've just never learned how mutuality works, but assume they do know. I want to be kind and fair to other people, but I'm also deeply afraid that this recent "white men are suffering, too" narrative and the multiple videos asking us to feel empathy for them is just opening the door to abuse because men haven't let go of what they erroneously believe empathy to be. Believing that what other people think and feel matches what you think and feel is dangerous and I don't want to be hurt. I don't want other people to be hurt. I feel like we - marginalized people - spend so much time trying to be reasonable and understanding, but where does that get us in the end? If someone only understands the language of control or be controlled, if they see expressions of empathy as placing a person in the "be controlled" group, is it wise to show empathy for them? I feel like I'm rambling. I hope this makes some sense to you. I liked the video. I hope I'm not giving you the impression that I didn't. I think what you said is true, but I just feel uncomfortable with giving men, particularly white men, empathy. I'd rather they learned how to connect with someone properly, and that may have to be learned from an equal, ie. other white men. I don't have the solution, but that's what I'm thinking right now. Zoe Bee did a great job reading! She was perfect for that role. And I was so happy to see Bellamy's face for the first time! They look just as awesome as I imagined they would look. The flower tattoos were beautiful.

Juls K