On Becoming Mr. Mud

when society fails to give me a life worth living, i do what any sane person would do. i go out into the forest and make myself a “Mr. Mud” out of dirty trash and animal droppings. i do my best to make his life a bit better than my own before i execute him in front of Mrs. Mud. i bury him in the garden and give him a funeral. i ask my wife to say a few words. she says, “why can’t we go on vacation like a normal couple?” i get angrier than i should and say, “mr. mud died today, and all you can think about vacation. put some fucking respect on his name instead of thinking about yourself all the time.” i go to sleep and when i wake up my wife isn’t there. she’s left a note saying that she’s leaving me and that she’s taking the kids. i immediately rush to the garden and find Mrs. Mud still mourning the loss of her husband. i make a mental note that i need to find myself a wife that looks at her dead husband like Mrs. Mud looks at hers. i kiss Mrs. Mud on her forehead and say “your tears won’t bring him back.” i put on my professional business attire and I head to the forest to start my work for the day. i make a Mr. Mud Guy 2.0 with some dirt i find in the garbage pail by the abandoned cabin.

in the middle of my process i notice something moving in the reeds. i look more closely and see that it’s Mrs. Mud. she’s brought the kids with her. i’m happy and excited. i run to them and hug them, warping Mrs. Mud’s body with the strength of my grip. i have to explain that Mr. Mud is in the ground and that he will live forever in our hearts. i tell them that we are going to be a family again. i realize i don’t have any supplies to make them a birthday cake. mrs. mud turns to me and says, “we don’t need cake if we have each other.” i’m happy again and i hug the family with my cold, muddy arms. we embrace and i tell Mrs. Mud that I love her. she says, “i love you, too, Mr. Mud.”

Doctor’s Note:

Patient put a plastic figurine of a fictional character in a black plastic box and buried it in his front yard. Patient stated that the Figure brought him a feeling of calm and it served as a reminder to live in the moment.

Patient puts large numbers of small, loose objects like small beads, pennies, and stones into plastic bags and then buries them in the backyard. He says a few words about each object and encourages fellow patients to say something as well. Patient gets angry when others refuse to participate.

Patient stated that covering his body in dirt once a week helps him focus since cleanliness suffocates his creativity.

Patient repeatedly calls family members and friends just to say “hello” and to listen to their voices. He stated that when he feels lonely, he just calls people that he loves, even if he’s not going to talk long.

Patient stated that when he was a child, his mother would take him on trips to the forest. Patient indicated that on one trip he got lost and his parents could not find him for 2 days.

Individuals with this Cluster B trait have a higher-than-average need to be surrounded by active or changing activities and environments. They tend to seek excitement, particularly those with histrionic and narcissistic antisocial traits. As such, they tend to want to be in leadership roles, as well as the center of attention. They often have a scattered approach to life. Indulgence in self-destructive activities is common in those with histrionic antisocial traits. Outlandish, eccentric, or over-the-top behaviors are also common in those with narcissistic and borderline antisocial traits.