Asterios & Sirancha

TONIGHT: The Big Bird Bet Begins

Added 2023-09-14 22:05:24 +0000 UTC

Asterios here! If you have Amazon Prime (or — let’s face it — if your parents do), watch tonight’s Eagles/Vikings game to play along with this very foolish thing that COULD MAKE US ALL RICH!

I’ll go deep on tonight’s bets in a minute, but two quick things:

1) I haven’t watched a football game in two years (it was the Super Bowl), and cannot name a single Eagles player. I’m rooting for them entirely because Rancho loves birds. So don’t take my betting advice, I’m doing this for the bit!

2) Pretty cool sticker, right?! It’s by THE Mimi Yori, and all +$15 members will get it as an extra sticker ON TOP of their 2023 anime stickers. Next batch is going out this week, should be 4-5 stickers in your envelope.

OK LET’S TALK GAMBLING

I’ve placed most of our stack along various sportsbooks chasing the best odds, but bottom line: if the Eagles lose, we’re fucked.

As you can see, there’s not a ton of profit to be made simply betting on the Eagles to win. So I’ve dropped extra cash on a series of highly risky parlays, like my hero, Adam Sandler’s character in Uncut Gems.

Every one of these parlays is predicated on the Eagles not just winning, but crushing. So if you have any lucky talismans or blood rituals, this is the time.

Should tonight’s bets bust, we can still make money if the Eagles win their conference, and/or the Super Bowl. So we’ve got some outs. But again: those bets are premised on the Eagles doing incredibly well. And who the fuck knows!

Finally: I’m holding $412.50 out of our $1100 stack in reserve for next week. Not for tactical reasons, but because some fucker hacked my checking account at the worst possible time:

Someone snaked me for five grand! Thank goodness I stopped the payment in time, but my whole checking account is fraud-locked for a bit. So that’s our final possible out.

Good luck, fellow degenerate gamblers! Let’s get RICH!!!!!