Good Girl Full Moon

I. love. Target, you guys. Smelling candles, useless fake plants, the PAINT SECTION AT HOME DEPOT?!!!! I fucking LOVE decorating and cleaning. Since I was 16, I've had an entire Pinterest board dedicated to getting married, I think I'm brave enough to admit it. I feel safe with you. 

I think my biggest fear is domestication. It's waking up one day, dropping the kids off at school, spend the day cleaning the house, wait with cheesy potatoes for the husband. It's so strange, because I do want aspects of that. But for me, that reality would mean I've given up. I've stopped going after my dreams, and I'll obsessed over my daughters piano recitals because I'm living vicariously through her. 

I think every single day I'm battling the comfy urge to slip into autopilot, buy some cute candles and wait for another holiday. Sometimes, I fantasize about what would happen if I went back to my hometown, bought a house with the $1200 I spend on rent and let myself be happy doing just that. It's the devil on my shoulder at all times. 

I get really mad at myself when I notice I've been spending way too much time worry about the dishes in the sink or redecorating my living room. The feral, wild Wolf comes out yelling "HEEYYY GO TAKE A SHARPIE TO YOUR WHITE COUCH NOW! GO DYE YOUR HAIR PINK! RUB MUD ON YOUR FACE STAT!!" 

Sometimes I don't trust the midwest catholic woman in me. I wonder if washing dishes and need for decorative pillows are engrained in my DNA from some sort of evolutionary pattern. It straight up feels like I'm being hypnotized sometimes. 

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be clear, I'm not trying to shame anyone for the simple joys of a little candle or wanting new paint on the walls. Sometimes, it's those little things that really keep us from going mental these days. 

But my full moon advice to us is this: 

The next time you pick up a candle at target, think about vacuuming, want to buy a new accent chair, or even fantasize over a pinterest board, use it as a checkpoint for yourself. Is the aloe & bergamot candle really fulfilling all your needs right now?  When's the last time you put time towards your dreams? Your deep wild, desires? 

Let the sink be dirty with dishes while you write, take yourself out on a sexy date alone, walk through a park at night listening to songs from when you were 17, draw something on your walls, wear weird makeup, dance among the produce at the grocery store.

Walk. Backwards. 

I'll try to do the same.