SpanishRed

When a Man Leaves You In Increments

Fetlife Contract of No Vanilla

Fetlifians have not been pulling their weight as representatives of the kink community. Yesterday, we caught someone swinging from the chandeliers instead of suspended from them, and we smelled the...

Why Predators Should be Ousted From Events

• Because every time you allow a predator to attend an event, you oust the people they’ve hurt from that same event. Survivors should not have to remove their names from guest lists in order ...
  2024-03-15 06:42:18 +0000 UTC View Post

Signs That Your Brat Definitely Didn’t Bury the Butt Plug in the Garden

• She has streaks of mud on her face and hands. If a brat had buried a butt plug in the garden, answer me one question: Would she wash every trace of mud off her skin? Of course she would, so m...
  2024-03-14 02:51:23 +0000 UTC View Post

Glowing Reputations and Followings are Often Precursors to #MeToo Moments

Once upon a time, there lived a kinky event host and consent activist we’ll call Steampunk. He knew all the right things; all the complicated and wise things, so I would have recommended him to a...

Consent Violations Aren't Always Violent Takedowns in Parks

Are You Ethical? Or Just Agist?

When I was 20-something, I developed a crush on a man named Darrell. He was full of magic and innocence. He was also 35. I adored him, and he adored me, but puritanical ideals got in the way. He fe...

Here's to the Older Man

A rewrite and variation of "Here's to the Crazy Ones" by Steve Jobs

Here’s to the older man—the original. The nonconformist. The peacemaker. The round peg that makes squ...

Evolution of an Apology for a Consent Violation

It wasn’t me.

I didn’t do that.

Okay, so maybe I did do that. I’m sorry.

But it was your fault.

Besides, it wasn’t that bad.

Why won’t you take my apology se...

I Still Think Back On My Suicidal Era

I Still Think Back On My Suicidal Era

This is Why Kinksters Keep Secrets

This week someone from the vanilla world called BDSM, and my relationship to it, cultish, ugly, and disturbing. He said the mere existence of the kink community was divisive. We’re all just peopl...

If you’re on Fetlife to other our sexualities, I have a whole list of vanilla sites that are dying to meet you.

These are the functional social networks and dating sites available to vanilla society:

FacebookTwitterPinterestYoutubeWeChatInstagramTikTokTelegramSnapchatWeChatKuaishouRedditLinkedInTruthSo...

There's a Special Kind of Purgatory for the Suicides

When the gods created the world, they forgot to leave room for the suicides. People who struggle with suicidal ideation don’t belong with the rest of you. There is a special kind of purgatory tha...

Suicide is a symptom

Things to Do When Meta is Down

Fetch water from the well for your morning bath.

Darn your husband’s socks.

Toss the sewage out onto the street like a hygienic 18th-century maiden.

Transcribe the bi...

Men, you don’t have to be an expert at all things clitoral. Humility will go down better.

Sexual ego creeps out of every corner ‘round these parts. It's there when a stranger thinks his dick measurements are exceptional. It’s there when five more strangers tout cunnilingus as a rare...

Not All Men

I Like My Kink to Come With a Whole Truckload of Dirt

I value a depraved mind over any dominant trait. Nothing is sexier to me than a man who has the imagination to bring all his depravity to life. If I had to choose one attribute over any other, itâ€...

Boundaries

I’m no longer new to kink, so I’m not smarter than everyone else anymore

When I was new to kink, I was smarter than everybody else. Other people arranged safe calls and got references, but I knew shortcuts. I was clever. Want to know my trick? Stick to the popular set. ...

There's Nothing Dirty About Being a Slut

Why do sluts talk so much? Just admit you’re a whore. No one cares what you’re thinking. You're a slut. Thats enough. – random Fetlifian

Oxford Dictionary once defined...

The World is Not America

A Story that Doesn't Matter

This morning, I’m going to tell you a story that doesn’t matter just as I do every day. I’m going to write about things that happened so long ago I can barely remember what they were like. Iâ...

On Authenticity

Which Vanilla Kink Are We Faking Today?

Sara puts her slut on every morning before she even puts on her shoes. Her vagina is open for business 24/7, especially if you’re a stranger. She has a secretary to manage her social media accoun...

Ableism

Hypergamy isn't What You Think It Is in the Kink Scene

Men often remind me of hypergamy when I write about male dating woes. They tell me the dating scene is perpetrating a great injustice; that women are far too selective about their partners, so weâ€...

Love...

Spartacus Isn't My Idea of Sexy

Your idea of a hot time might be Spartacus. Muscles, muscles, every where. Me? I’m a West Wing girl, not only for the dialogue, which is genius, but for the hot factor. All that silver hair, thos...

Andrew Tate doesn’t want you to get laid. He wants your cash. Your failure is an inbuilt part of the profit-making machine.

Pick up artistry functions around one important premise: If you do the right thing, you will get The Sex. If you don’t get The Sex, it means your approach was bunk, so you’ve got to learn how t...