Chapter 30 - A rush of blood to the head
“Esme? What would you like?” I asked. She glanced down at the drinks menu, then looked up at me and smiled broadly. She leant forward, highlighting her assets.
“I’ll...
2025-06-26 16:34:20 +0000 UTC View Post
Milc/C.J. Milnes posts
Chapter 29 - Reconnaissance
I pondered the orb. The small crystal sphere sat neatly in my palm, and I stared into its depths. As with so many magical trinkets, and in fact life itself, intent was everything.
Chapter 28 - Robbed
“Sir Bob! What a state you’re in! Come on in and have a drink,” Esme called from where she was dropping some bowls of stew off with other patrons. She turned, looked at me o...
2025-06-25 20:11:33 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 27 - Best Bunny
“No, Bob. You can’t keep him! Where the hell is he going to live?” snapped Kat as I held up my badly bruised new pet in one claw. A brown eye opened and started to pulse red...
2025-06-24 19:25:23 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 26 - The Teeth
At our second meeting, Mick still reminded me of a human-scaled Goblin, his long droopy nose touched the froth on his ale every time he raised his tankard, which he had to wipe off on his now-damp ...
2025-06-23 20:07:52 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 25 - Investment Banking
“Your very good health, sir!” I raised my tankard of ale and toasted my companion. He took a long drink and placed the cup down delicately. He turned it slowly so the handle pointed...
2025-06-22 19:28:24 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 24 - Bob-in Hood
Please work, please work, please work!
Biomass stored:
174 KG
Biomass required for evolution: 70 KG.<...
2025-06-21 19:34:11 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 23 - All Good Heists Are Schemed Up In A Bar
Fine dining, haute cuisine, luxury restaurants. None of these phrases could be used to accurately describe The Swinging Cod, Fiddler’s Mills' preeminent and only bar slash restaurant.
Chapter 22 - Grooming And Banking
“I think I’m alright actually,” I said, starting to rise from my chair. He clicked his fingers, and the wrist and ankle straps wound closed around my limbs.
“Now, no...
2025-06-19 19:50:32 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 21 - Dragon About Town
“You can look like anyone you want to, and you choose like your old self? Talk about wasting an opportunity!” Kat chuckled as she looked me up and down. “Your eyes aren’t right,...
2025-06-18 18:13:32 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 20 - You’re a Wizard, Bob
“I’m Harold Hard-Prick, lord.” I glared at my latest minion.
“You’re shitting me.”
“It’s a proud name in Longbottom. There’s always been a Hard-Prick in th...
2025-06-17 21:05:50 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 19 - Paperwork
I stuck my head around the edge of an even more impressive Portal Of Doom and quickly scanned across the boss’s space. In cages around the room, a number of cultists were engaged in pretty ...
2025-06-16 19:33:09 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 18 - Conquest
“Well, we got four hundred and sixty-three Gold Coins back from Tex,” I removed my monocle and rubbed at the bridge of my nose. “So not a bad profit. We need to get some more stu...
2025-06-16 00:20:27 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 17 - Filthy Rich
“Well, on the plus side, the minion wages have come down a bit now that we’re producing our own food. The Janglebonks are vegetarian so they will still be costing us for victuals but the ...
2025-06-13 20:33:19 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 16 - Rustlin’ Cattle
The crescent moon was high in the sky; thin clouds streamed away from it like banners. It had turned out that sneaking into a farm wasn’t as easy as you’d think when you were a dragon, de...
2025-06-12 22:57:57 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 15 - Lucky Strike
“Never again, Kat!” I snarled as I gingerly lowered myself back onto my hoard. I reached up and carefully pulled the last of the barbed spines the little shits had kept hidden in their fu...
2025-06-11 21:58:51 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 14 - Safe Word.
The beige bot introduced itself by ranting at me about transdimensional flux capacity load carriers, then started crying after I coated it in acid. It turned into an arm and rocket punched it...
2025-06-10 23:33:58 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 13 - Planning Permission
The hatch down into my dungeon had grown. It was now big enough for me to slip through with six inches spare on either side. I hoped it would continue to scale upwards as I grew larger....
2025-06-09 21:05:09 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 12 - Lawyering in a New World
“The crossbows are dual-purpose goods! You must understand what a Hurbledart can do to a defenceless village in the night! They should be excluded from our arrangement! A man ha...
2025-06-09 21:04:13 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 11 - Arms dealer
In the end, I ate his other ox. I wasn’t proud of it, but I was peckish.
Biomass stored:
76.5 KG
Bi...
2025-06-06 21:27:14 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 10 - Making friends
“What’s your name, mate?” I asked.
“Um… Howdy! I’m Russel von Whaley, travelling merchant extraordinaire. At your- er, service!” He stopped cowering behind his...
2025-06-06 10:07:41 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 9 - Virile enhancement
Biomass stored:
64.5 KG
Biomass required for evolution: 40 KG.
Evolve: Y/N?...
2025-06-04 20:22:10 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 8 - Hired Help
I poked at the large metal litter tray that held my loot from the first floor. I had piled everything up and brought it to my lair from the darkness below. With the monocle on, I was ge...
2025-06-03 23:11:55 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 60 - Fay would pluck me
I couldn’t smell, for which I was profoundly grateful, and I wasn’t certain how I was able to breathe. As far as I could tell, my lungs were currently transformed into fire as well. ...
2025-06-02 20:02:37 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 59 - Chosen of the Waters
I looked down from Glimpse, and sure enough, the tide was withdrawing rapidly. It was moving backwards at about the speed a normal man could sprint, dragging itself up into a massive wall of ...
2025-05-30 21:13:27 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 7 - Death Sneeze.
I waddled back to the iron staircase and dragged myself up the steps, claws clicking every time I moved towards my beloved hoard. My bloated gut was catching every step as I climbed. Ka...
2025-05-29 23:37:17 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 6 - B-B-Boss Battle!
Chest discovered x3!
Rolling for contents…
Congratulations Dungeoneer!
Item: Jere...
2025-05-28 22:03:27 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 58 - High Ground
There wasn’t any posturing or pontificating from the human elements of Mortimer’s army. They saw we had broken through, and a barrage of spells was launched at us. Most of them were...
2025-05-28 21:45:58 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 57 - Outnumbered
“Up!” I roared. “Get your shit together! We’re moving out!”
I threw off my bed furs and snatched them back into a storage ring. The camp was badly lit by the first...
2025-05-26 19:28:54 +0000 UTC View PostChapter 5 - Full English Breakfast
Below the hatch, an iron staircase spiralled down into darkness. I moved down it slowly, my shadow occluding the path forward as the only light source was coming from the open portal to my la...
2025-05-25 20:55:53 +0000 UTC View Post