Writer’s Block.
I’ve been trying to write this since 7am. It’s now 2pm. My writer’s block manifests as procrastination quite a lot. I’ll trick myself into thinking I’m “busy” but I’m really just afraid to sit down and see what truth my fingers have to reveal to me today. My wall is made of sound. The sound of a thousand people telling me, “Don’t you know how hard it is to make a living as a writer? Better not quit your day job.” The sound of my mother asking me, “What happens if you don’t ‘make it’?” The sound of my own brain telling me I’m a fraud, a phony, an imposter. If you’re supposed to “fake it ‘til you make it” at what point do you stop faking it and start making it? Is there really any difference? Or is the only difference the amount of money you are now making from faking. I’m not really sure if I have an answer but I know that these philosophical mental gymnastics run around and around and around in my mind, doing their fancy routines. That particular routine is a perfect 10; circular logic, self-defeating thoughts that only trigger my deepest doubts. And with that—my five minutes are up.
Austin Baltes
2017-03-09 07:06:06 +0000 UTC